12-21-08 It's more difficult than I thought

Dec 21, 2008

So I am at the point where I am not sure I made the right decision.  I guess everyone goes through this, if you were to ask my opinion, I'd tell you to wait until Spring/Summer if at all possible before having surgery.  Going through this at the Holidays is extremely difficult!  There are so many goodies around you that you cannot touch and not to mention just wonderful food you cannot eat!!  I am internally crying and thinking of food constantly!! Not really because of hunger, but because I've been doing liquids forever now.  I had 4 wks. prior to surgery (12-11-08 Lapband) and then 3 additional wks. now after...which is where I am right now.  I cannot have mushies/pureed until 1-2-08 It has been more difficult than I thought it would be.  I find myself looking to things I shouldn't even consider or desire to eat...I feel so alone in that area let me tell you.  I am still having to cook for my 4 boys and husband and that makes it more difficult.  Making spaghetti sauces, stews, soups, mexican food etc.  I am so wanting to eat.  I keep telling myself it's not too much longer until you can have those "good" for you foods again, be patient.  I am discovering I am not as patient as I thought I was.  I have managed to lose 6 lbs.  Is this good?  Normal?  I don't know.  I am calling to make my 3 wk. apt. tomorrow and hopefully will be able to talk w/ the nurse and ask her some questions.  My husband is asking me why I am so grumpy, I told him" it's not your fault I had surgery, it was my choice, but imagine not eating for 6 wks. straight in a row!! Then see if you aren't a little bit fragile!"  Poor guy, having to live with a moody wife. 
So far I have messed up 3 times and it's only the beginning!  How is that possible!  I licked some chocolate off my fingers from making Christmas balls, I dunked a graham cracker in milk until it crumbled in the cup and drank that and I dunked my spoon in spaghetti sauce in licked that clean!  What is wrong with me I ask you?  Why can't I keep to this liquid diet?  I am hoping once I hit mushies that it will get a bit easier from then on out...I hope so anyway.Well I'll close for now after all my journey is just beginning right!?

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