Just stuff

Feb 01, 2007

So i spent the better part of the day today at edjones watching tv. Chris is out all day so i cought up on grease, greys anatomy,and men in trees.  i love watching drama shows they really make me think abotu stuff.

This is what i thought about today:

Life is about moving on and growing...and as much as i hate change it is really what life is about changing and finding ways to deal with the change.  I am always bitching about me being alone and you know lets face it i am only alone romantically...i have a great family and amazing friends and i should be greatful. in ones life people come along and make the life that we are living at that moment different either better, worse or just eh..you know.

Wendy i have known the longest and is truely my real freind and i say this cause we all know we have friends that we love and hang out with on occation but not one we can call when say...we hit a racoon on 27 (i am lucky to have 2 but we will alk about her next lol) or to feel so comfortable i can talk about gross girl stuff lmao....I have been down the road and back a few times with her she has known me when (i cant belive i am gonna admit to this) but when i never washed my hair and wore clothes that would shame even the highlands county girls.  
She went through my "Jevon" period, "Will" moment, "Paul" times, and boys i dont care to remember lol she loved me when i dissagree whith her politics and even when i told her COTTAGE CHEESE IS NOT SUPOSE TO GO IN MANACOTII....:-P  and i even loved her when she was forced to fire me for being...uhmmm how do i say this politically correct?  "not physicallly the right apperance" for the job..AKA fat and ugly lol i know that killed her but i always knew it was not her.  we have stolen so many of each others sayings we dont even know who started some of them...as i am writting this a tear wellsin my eyes as i remember the time she sat me down and said "she liked me but she is not gonna stay around she never does" and i looked at her with my fat lil face and said "yea but i do!"  and now what is it 7 or 8 who knows years later and i love her like she was my own flesh and blood. I love you Wendy!

Then a friend who i only met a short while ago but and she does not know the fat julie she only knows "Hollywood Julie" lol but a true friend she is. i dont now if i could of made it through clay, derek, chad, AND I HAVE YET TO MAKE IT THROUGH SCOTT lol but she is always there to say "give it three weeks" lol and three weeks come and go and she is always right....she has taught me that one can be a redhead one day and a blonde the next and never miss a beat. you CAN love your job and its not ok not to.  its ok to keep a man as a pet say ....as a cat for instance lmao... and most of all.....when in doubt always carry 2 phones!.....i can not tell you how much i look forward to many years of stories to add to my so many now with her she is my TWIN! MY NUMBER 2....i love you Julie

Then there is Marsha...she is the Black Pooh... lol i am the ying she is my yang...we have been down so many similar roads and ironically they all suxed but thanks to each other we made it out alive.  we fight like sisters BUT GOD FORBID SOMEONE COME AFTER ONE OF US...the other will let loose.....we are both smart and yet unstable....we both are BI  POLAR! lmao and yet able to disscuss the seriousness of our lonelyness at times when we think we wanna take out the butter knife lol Marsha has also known me quite a while and has seen me change and yes i admit it i have changed but still me as well. I miss her dearly and SHE BETTA KNOW THIS! i love you MARSHA!

Then there Rick..how am i friends with this man?? lmao i mean really he says things that i cant even belive and at one point thought i would hurt his kid...BUT GOD I LOVE HIM and NO...IM NOT WITH RICK lol  he is my male sounding board as well as THE BEST cock blocker known to man lol..makes the best chix quesidillas and is my karaokee king!  I know he would do anything for me and that is truely what friendship is about. I love you RIck!

Angela...i miss my friend...she is my is my reality my knock me over the head when i do silly stuff. its amazing how i do not see her but i feel her in my heart...she is a wife a mom and has a new home remodeling going on but yet has time to check on her crazy single desperate friend who sometimes....is hard to control. she checks on me to make sure im exercising...(OOPS) and eating right and not getting into trouble and playing nice with others lol.  angela would drive to texas and back if i needed her to. i truely miss our woody's wednesdays....and i wish we had more time to spend but even though we dont it does not mean i do not love her any less. I love you Angela!

I am such a lucky persona nd so often i come on here and vent and bitch and copmplain but i wanted to focus on the ones at this point in my life who truely are my support my "family" and there are so many other people who are special to me.....so just causei  didnt focus on you right now does not mean i love you any less it just means that maybe you are far away or not in my immediate day to day life....but i do love you all. Thank you for being there for  me and loving me and being there with me as i have changed and continue to change....

Changing is a way of life it is how we grow......thank you for being my sunlight, water, and soil!

Love you all 
J

Posting

Jan 30, 2007

So i posted a post about water and protien and i think i am not getting enough to promote additional weight loss...AS much as i love you guys for your responces.....you just basically told me to do what i am doing...eat protien first little amounts of carbs drink all day but when eating blah blah blah....and then you told me for the rest of my life i have to write doen what i eat...i just find this a lil well rediculious.....i was asking if i increase water and protien will it spark me to lose? i mena so are we saying that when i am 80 i should still eb using fitday? i mean really cant i just be more aware of consuming more...isnt there a time when we are just us againa nd not GASTRIC BYPASS PATIENTS? i know forever we  will be and i admit it is so much a part of my every day in how i eat and how i act to others...but i wanna be me again...i dont wanna be the girl who has to write down every lil thing that goes in my mouth. i eat very well ....(i will say this again) i dont eat bread, rice no soda very lil sweets and i drink lil minute amounts with meals and I DO WHAT IM SUPOSE TO.....so why cant i just up my water and protien why do i have to write it doen...sorry lol bitter about this....
J

blog

Jan 30, 2007

I have not blogged here in a while...i blog almost every day on myspace so sorry if you guys dont see that im on under [email protected] look me up and subscribe to my blog lol.

anyway. i just re read my dec 1st post seems things are the same but differant. i supose. i am still alone but not so distraught at this moment although a few days ago i certainly was.  it comes in waves i think.  

i finally quit my job at ed jones i hated it so very much.  I have 2 weeks left then i go full time at road house. i am gonna throw myself into that see where it takes me. who knows right?

anyway not really a whole lot going on....my year is only 3 days a way  i can not believe how fast it has gone!

Kisses
J

FRUSTRATED

Dec 01, 2006

I am in a pissy mood...why you ask well what else is new? right?  I really dont know why i am in a pissy mood maybe its casue i am getting sick, maybe its cause my weekend is shot and i have a stupid xmas party for work i wish i could get out of or maybe its cause i am 10 months out and things are not going the way i had planned!!!!!!

I met a perfecty nice guy and i dont feel it...yea i can evern try to i feel liek a heal.  BUT yet i want someone so bad....i need to stop. i just do.  38 year old would be perfect if his job was not his whole life....but hey that is what he chose and it appently makes him happy i guess. i tired to be nice to him today but he was so busy and not that he did nto apperciate it but like i said work is his life.....and lets face it it is not mine!

Its xmas and it seems as if everyone has someone...ok not everyone but damn near close to it.  Number 2 has a a thang not a bf but a thing and i am happy for her....i could have many things if i faked it but i cant.  I really wanted this holiday season to be filled with LOVE IN THE AIR! but its just so not. and i am to blame for that in a since...i am so damn picky.  i think i want or desire assholes! cause when a nice guy came along i was not feeling it lol. go me!

So its fri nothing to do, julie is baby sitting, im sick but want to go out, hwib (hot sweaty issues boy) has plans and informed me he is sorta seeing some one which is fine cause we were just friends but god damn.....someone else seeing someone. sigh

No word from count job yet.....

I am spirelling into a black hole lol

J

Thanksgiving

Nov 21, 2006

Dear RNY,

Thank You for allowing me to see the feet i have not seen in years!

Thank you for allowing me to fit in a booth at Ruby Tuesdays.

Thank you For letting me get on the floor and sit indian style with my son.

Thank you for allowing my Son to wrap his arms all the way around his mom.

Thank you for letting me bend over to tie my shoes and not pass out from lack of H2O

Thank you for Helping me have the opportunity to wear the latest FAD and coolest clothes.

Thank you for getting me to the point where my grandfather can not look at me with out saying your not my  lil fat grandaughter lol

Thank you for letting me cross my legs with out the use of a crain...

Thank you for letting me walk, run, ride a bike or do a excersize class with out passing out.

Thank you for stoppng the profuce sweating.

Thank you for controlling my high blood pressure.

Thank you for regular periods at normal times.

Thank you for not being out of breath walking to the car after a movie.

Thank you for letting me fit in the seat at the movies

(Thank you for that HOT guy who just checked me out)

Thank you for allowing me to dance all night long with out dieing to breathe.

Thank you for not only being a girl with "Just a pretty face"

Thank you for stopping the waddle when i walk.

Thank you for stopping the heart burn.

Thank you for removing the "shelf" i laid my arms on

Thank you for bringin me to "ONEDERLAND"

Thank you for being able to shave my legs standing up in the shower.

Thank you for removing the "back" and "side" boobies lol

Thank you for my WLS friends who have made this journey easier to bare.


BUT MOST OF ALL....

Thank you for who I have become......

THANK YOU RNY!

Love 
J


what kind of car am i???

Nov 06, 2006

I'm a Dodge Viper!


http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar/images/viper.jpg">

You're all about raw power.  You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone.  Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.


Take the Which">http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar">Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.




FRI, SAT, SUN!

Nov 05, 2006

Fri:

Well Fri day i vegged when i got off work.  Didnt go out just hung out at home.  Started watching some of my tivo that i have so much of i cant seem to get through it all.  I will need another 3 days and it keeps growing as the days go by lol. So not much to report on Fri.

Sat:

Vegged most of the day. TIVO, laundry, relaxed....Connor was at his friends fri and sat night and didnt get back till late on sun so i had no real responsibilities...Went to Julies and got ready to go out. Headed to Chilis and just talked and chilled.  had this virgin mango frozen thing and omg it was good too sweet but good. so only had a lil bit.  Headed to the hive.....DEAD! so we went to duffers...not so dead but also not so busy either. i sang twice julie sang once some old guys bought us a drink lol julie kills me with that, i feel guilty cause i have no intrest but julie is all like yea we will have a pineapple juice and diet coke lol i do love her.  saw some cuties..Hottie boy was there...not so hottie but still looked good. with his roomie...hottie boy as well.  left and went to hive.  met up with andy...he kills me.  he annoyed me when i first met him but he has grown on me i like his straight forward no bullshit attitude even if i dont always agree you cant ever say andy is shady casue he def is HONEST lol.  Carlos was there he makes me laugh cause he is such a lil republican..(me to but see i dont care lol sorry carlos) and he is so political but hey good for him he has a cause....shows he is pationate!  So hottie boy and hottie roomie boy were at hive now. NOW there was this girl ....man ok i cant even think how to make it politically correct. andy would say she was not bad but andy is a boy and a SLUT is always good to boys lol but she was all over like 5 guys... like she was a group toy lol very sad on her part. but some women need that to feel good about them self i wont deny i am an attention whore...i love it and need it but to a degree i wont be a slut.  but julie and i were having fun watching her. so hottie boy was a lil drunk but hey who isnt in highlands county on a sat night?? (Well me and julie but we already knew that )hottie roomie boy was lil flirty flirty with me...gotta love that. ian the Dj was flirty lol ego boost! I like him hes fun! i would love for him to do a photo shoot with me...i will have to think about that...and then some guy and i had a stare down...it was hilarious!!!!!

SUN:

Not a damn thing vegged tivoed and talked on the phone.  and still with all that tivoing i still have a lot left. 

So today MON...my boss ( new public enemy number 1)  Is out he called in sick.  So its just me.  THANK GOD!  So I have a lunch date with T.  I have not talked about him i met him sat during my vegging so you may  not know who he is. lol I met him on myspace. seems nice...hes 38 YES I KNOW...im trying not to be so FIXED on  the age thing give me credit...i dated a 38 year old once...it didnt work out but lets be honest what has? lol so we will see.  T is nice has a job, a car and meets the standard requirements minus the age thing. lol so we will see. worst thing that happens is we become great freinds right? but he is nice and julie thinks hes nice so...yea more on that later.  

I really need to find a job i dont loath. I think I will work on that maybe i will just serve full time...i enjoyed that and i made good money...maybe i will bartend lmao RIGHT i have no idea about that kinda stuff...

Right now i wish i could just sell my house i need money i want to get all the real estate stuff done with and then just not do it i will keep my lisence but i really hate the industry here...mostly the people they all are so catty and clickish and ugh i just do not like them...no wonder people hate realtors..i am one and i hate them lol.

Well not much else goign on i have the gym tonight and then i was supose to go out with this guy but...i wont tell you why cause im a shallow biotch but i cancelled...HA!  More later 

Kisses
J

Thursday Night

Nov 02, 2006

Well it was YP General Meeting.......OK Seriously....taxes anyone wanna talk about them? i know it was a great idea and prolly was informative but  see i dont lol and i was bored i ended up leaving early...i could not take it anymore not to mention i was starving and by the time i did eat i ate to fast and BAM i was sick....i swear that sux.  so i had a prayer meeting with the porcelin god lol and then went to bed...fun filled thur night lol. WHAT A FABULOUS LIFE lol!!!! hey but i am laughing :-P

Its Friday and Connor wants to go to his friends for the weekend ...we will see his grades are suffering. and sun is or day to have fun so we will see.  I have no idea what mine and Julie's plans are...Dani is takin some family time...so its just the Julies tonight!! unless Julie has her own plans then its just ME! lol We will see. (Julie called so looks like its US!) sweet!

Im at work Now bored outta my GORD!  as usual...i kinda hope ML will need someone i need more personal contact this place is killing me SLOWLY!

Ok well i will blog more later...by the way HAPPY FRIDAY PEEPS!

J

The Fabulous Life of Julie Volume 1

Nov 01, 2006

Honestly nothing could get more fabulous than this life I lead...OK so i dont live in the Big Apple and I dont have loads of money, Sweet crib or a Super rich famous boyfriend...or any boyfriend for that matter. BUT lets face it its better than most.

I have decided to write an article titled...."The fabulous life of Julie" and this boys and girls is the first one! how excitted are you to be apart of this ground breaking event?

I am going to try to just try to focus on this fabulous life weather it be boring or fun.  So grab a comfy seat and lets take a ride.

To start out I want to say Being fabulous is deffinatly a state of mind.  So I threw out all the negative crap cluttering up my brain and cleared room for the positive things i will be putting in there:-).

I believe that one can be fabulous wether they live in LA or in LP.  I have a job that allows me to dress for sucess and i have friends who KNOW we are the BOMB lol (holla to my girls)  So...whats so fabulous about me and my life? Its the people in it. 

And this is an online account of  all of us in my point of view just trying to make it in a small town...but livnig life LARGE!


J

Hey feel free to add your own accounts!



Heres your sign!

Oct 31, 2006

So you hear the jokes about heres your sign....well here is mine:

::Play with my emotions PLEASE!::::

I am almost positive my sign reads this way or very close to it.  Here I am 34 year old mom going through major changes inmy life. I just lost almost 100 (2 pounds shy) pounds. I went down like a whole lot in sizes, im cute single and have no idea what it is to be a thin person and i am winging it.

WHO AM I? WHY AM I HERE? AND WHY THE F AM I A TARGET FOR EMOTIONAL GAMES?

its so hard right now for me as a person much less a woman.  i think i am worthy of love and attention and not just sexual attention.  I know in my heart that good things come to those who wait...BUT GD! its like im on a carasell and i keep going by the same situation just with differant players.

in the past 6 months:

Scott.....was not good enough for him..(and if i get one email that says he was not good enough for me i will vomit! i know how you al feel but this is about me right now and how i feel...once again i reiterate MY BLOG) With someone now as well

Mark*(change the name to protect the innocent) and we know that was a stupid crush BUT...it is another example of me not being good enough. With someone...regaurdless if he says he is he is. (PLEASE NO HATE MAIL)

Brad* (change the names to protect the innocent or in this case me)  Only good for 1 thing BUT in his defense I KNEW this going into it...but asking about my friend less than 24 hours after the deed was a lil F**KED up.

Detric*(hahaha duh change the name to protect others)  i dont even wanna get into how i feel about this one. i got some info last night that basically made me feel STUPID, NIAVE, and basically MIND F**CKED.  hey i admit I knocked on the door...i allowed this crap to happen to me. I dont fight for men...if i had known there was another person i would not of pushed as hard as i did i would of walked away point blank...THATS HOW I ROLL!  but just another example how "i was not good enough" With someone...

and seriously numbers speak for them self.....see here is the issue i am having....i want to feel worthy enough......i want to believe that im worth of something more than a "cool chic" to hang with or a "hot milf" to play with...but lets face it its not the case.

im a fool! a straight up fool!.....and i think it is because i want it so badly that i see things the way i want to see things.

BUT  lets look at an over view...really why would you play with my emotions?  Scott i think he had plans and i was not right for thoses plans i think ultimatly he liked me but...i was (i know this is crappy to say) but i was outta his league he needed to feel better than the girl he is with not equal or her better..i know crappy but thats what i think...and it sux cause i really liked him even though angela and renee and wendy and most of my friends felt he was not right and ultimatly they were right.  Mark*  NEVER i repeat NEVER led me on..never made me think it was more than it was. Kudo's to him...but with that said...i was still not good enough.  Brad*  MISTAKE...enough said.!  Detric....sigh...i think i am hurt most by this...and not my heart hurt like with scott. but my pride.  When i first met him he was not my type...at all...But he made me knowing it or not he made me fall not far but a lil bit for him...and...i settled for less than what i wanted cause i felt he was worth the chance. BUT see this is where i screwed up.  I was not worth his chance. and if i had just stayed true to what i wanted i would not be in this situation right now where i feel like an idiot. and a damn fool! Now dont get me wrong...saying i settled is not implying he was not a great person...it means i settled for less than what i wanted not the he is less of a person so please no hate mail or block me or BS like that ok i hope that was clear.  But if he wanted another girl...which might i add is OK its not ok to give me hope even when you say "i dont know what i want right now" knowing in the back of your mind you wanted her. Not fair....to me not fair to her. and i belive she deserved 100% of his attention if he indeeded wanted her.  GRANTED he never kissed me (aka on the bus) or anything like that. but like i said i saw things i wanted to see AS WELL AS saw things the way they were.  

Closure..... i spoke about this in my am blog. its a funny thing.  It happens when you least expect it.  I have yet to have closure with scott.. it still burns my heart to see him with her.I feel he settled...chose the "on sale item".But Hey not everyone can buy full priced ..couture  .and yea it kills me to see him in her arms because i truely enjoyed him. I think my closure with detric was set in motion last night. honestly it wont be hard...i wanted him to work so bad i think so i could stop hurting about scott...instead it makes me hurt again about scott. lol Closure with that would be such a blessing you would think i was with scott for years lol when in actuality we just dated.  BUT i liked him and well i get heart attached. as usual...i feel more than the other person could ever feel for me but that is another blog.

I want to try to just live life and see what it brings but there is this nagging need to not be alone.  I will say this again and not refering to anyone in particular so please no hate comments OK!  but i see it happen so often one girl breaks up and BAM new guy. why does it happen for some and not for others? Why is it that some women are blessed with never having to be alone when others are cursed to be alone?

I honestly felt that my being obese was my issue this was why i was alone...but here i  am 100 pounds lighter and at a "normal" weight and still having the same issues. wendy says it has to be something about me she just dont understand what it is. Maybe my obsessive need to find someone is so damn obvious i scare everyone off...who knows. i dont know how to not Want what i want.

There is a part of me that wants to crawl in my emotional hole and hide from everyone. But i keep doing things as much as i can so i wont think about it so much.  Dani says she needs time for herself.  I am afraid to spend time with me....i think way to much and over analyze things.  Alone time is not good.  Like for example sitting here at work with nothing to do all i do is think.  

i know some of you who do not know me to well dont understand me at all. HEY i dont blame you i barely understand myself.  I hate that i wear my emotions on my sleeve i hate that every thought is painfully obvious by my actions, facial expression, and body langue.  I am an open book and sometimes i just dont want to be so open.

Im a Taurus i hate when things dont go my way or the way i have planned them to go.  I obviously show my disslike when these things happen to...and i cant even pretend im ok with it.

Julie says im intense...(thats an understatement) but thank god she over looks my intense needs and the go to the exstremes attitude i have to fullfill them.  I seem to always find the women who know im "intense" but love me despite that. and find the men who see im "intense" and run for the hills lol. I am glad she is around I really need her "suck it up ya physco" attitude lol she is my Highlands County version of Wendy and Marsha.

Jevon could handle me...he still can. he knows how to talk to me and how to make me feel less stupid and feel ok with me. BUT Jevon is married and to be honest it would never happen with him again. Jevon is a better friend than lover.  ( i know marsha you dont have to say it lol)  he is one it did take a very very long time to have closure....scott actually was the first person after my 3 year closure of jevon..maybe that way its so hard to have closure with scott who knows. maybe scott closure is remnets of jevons closure ..ok thats even too deep for me to understand. Jevon was a long drawn out relationship filled with ups downs fun times drama great sex, jelousy and lies. a true hollywood story. I learned alot from that. I lost alot of trust for men with him....sorry J but this is nothing i have not said to your face. You know i still love ya...we have been through to much for me not to.

So now that i just emotionally THREW UP in my blog. I am sure i have made some people mad but "its what i do...its what i live for" (little mermade, Ursela)  If you have managed to make it this far congratulations.  If you still think im am ok person thanks if you think im a wack hell join the club.  but mostly i hope you dont feel sorry for me. i am nothing unusual i am like millions of women who have to suffer though dating in there 30's everyday.  i just happen to expose myself on line to the free loving world. some may take this as education or maybe even entertainment. but i hope that when you read my blog you take something from it.

Its just me spewing my feelings all 144,000 of them onto the internet. hoping that i make someone else feel normal cause god knows i dont feel normal a day in my life.

I think I will wrap this up....I know thank god right?

in conclusion i want to say men you will never understand the emotions of a women much less that of mine...dont try lol. and women thank god every day for your girlfriends....i know i do mine!

J

About Me
orange city, FL
Location
26.3
BMI
Jan 09, 2006
Member Since

Before & After
rollover to see after photo
271lbs

Friends 22

Latest Blog 26
lookie see
a year ago today i laid to rest the old me

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