Jen H.
ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!
Apr 19, 2008
I can't believe that 10 months and 1 day ago I was 363 pounds, and today I step onto the scale and it reads 199!! I haven't been under 200 pounds since high school more than 10 years ago. This is just incredible--I have just been so, so lucky. This has truly been the best experience of my life. I think back to a year ago when I hardly had the energy to go to class, let alone anything else. Now I am in school full time, I have a job, I am volunteering, dating, and constantly going out with friends, going to the gym, and I have the energy to do even more. What an incredible gift!! I will be graduating from law school in 1 month and actually feel for the first time in a long time like I have a future, even a promising future. I want to thank everyone that inspired me to keep going on this journey, and thank friends and family for always believing in me and rejoicing in my triumphs and supporting me in my failures. Of course, not everyone's experience goes so smoothly, so I encourage anyone who is considering the surgery to give due consideration to the serious risks, along with the incredible benefits, but if everything else isn't working, don't let fear hold you back from reclaiming your life!
Way too long....
Oct 08, 2007
I know, it has been way too long since I have updated. I can't believe that my life has changed so much in less than 4 months!! I feel like an entirely new person. As of today I am down 78 pounds, and though I still have a long way to go, I feel so much better. I have a ton more energy, and have finally joined a gym about a month ago and I am going 4-5 times per week and am loving it. Honestly, of course, walking on a treadmill is not per se "fun", but it feels so good to be able to challenge myself to do a little bit more each time I go, and to have tangible proof of how much I am improving, even when the scale isn't moving. 4 months ago, walking from my apartment to my car was a chore that left me gasping and out of breath. Everything was hard, and left me feeling useless, hopeless, and depressed. I never really imagined things could get better so quickly and with less than half of my goal weight loss achieved. One big goal I have in my mind in going to the gym so often is a big family trip we have planned at Christmas to go to Disney World. My family are huge Disney-philes, and we have been to visit more time than I can count (and I even did an internship there for 6 months!!) but the last time we went in December 2005 was a real eye-opener for me. I had always been a heavy park-goer, but it never kept me from riding everything I wanted, and I could get around, though it was difficult at times. This last trip, however, was too difficult, and I really didn't have a very good time. I left there saying I would not go back unless I lost some weight, which broke my heart (I was at a high of 378#, and now I am 285#, almost 100#s less!!!). I am excited that this year I will not only weigh less, but I am working out for the first time in my life, and know that I will be strong and ready to have a great time with my family. I can't wait!!
In terms of the surgery, everything is finally starting to get easier. I can eat pretty much anything, but eat mostly chicken, steak, and pork loin. The only food that I have not liked is shrimp--I vomited early on from this one, but even now, I just hate the texture of trying to chew it thoroughly. I think at 4 months I will be allowed to start raw fruits and veggies, so we will see how that goes. Drinking has become easier and since I can now drink faster, meeting my fluid goals has gotten easier. I have also found a couple of protein drinks that do not make me want to hurl (much harder to find than I could have anticipated!!) so that has helped increase my protein intake. I really like the Achievone drinks (hazelnut especially), though they do have caffeine, so I can never have more than one in a day and have had to force myself to drink more fluid to compensate. I also really like the new Nectar Sweets Chocolate Truffle--it is fantastic!! I am doing group therapy and seeing an individual therapist--it is good for me to have someone to check in with and try to get at the root of why I was eating the way I was because I really want this surgery to be successful for me. The group is a great way to meet others going through the same thing as me. Beyond surgery stuff I am currently finishing my last year of law school, I got a new kitten (and he is totally crazy!!), and I am looking into volunteering on a political campaign. I really want to try to get myself involved in some other things so I won't go back to food. Well, good luck to everyone! Feel free to message me with questions!
In terms of the surgery, everything is finally starting to get easier. I can eat pretty much anything, but eat mostly chicken, steak, and pork loin. The only food that I have not liked is shrimp--I vomited early on from this one, but even now, I just hate the texture of trying to chew it thoroughly. I think at 4 months I will be allowed to start raw fruits and veggies, so we will see how that goes. Drinking has become easier and since I can now drink faster, meeting my fluid goals has gotten easier. I have also found a couple of protein drinks that do not make me want to hurl (much harder to find than I could have anticipated!!) so that has helped increase my protein intake. I really like the Achievone drinks (hazelnut especially), though they do have caffeine, so I can never have more than one in a day and have had to force myself to drink more fluid to compensate. I also really like the new Nectar Sweets Chocolate Truffle--it is fantastic!! I am doing group therapy and seeing an individual therapist--it is good for me to have someone to check in with and try to get at the root of why I was eating the way I was because I really want this surgery to be successful for me. The group is a great way to meet others going through the same thing as me. Beyond surgery stuff I am currently finishing my last year of law school, I got a new kitten (and he is totally crazy!!), and I am looking into volunteering on a political campaign. I really want to try to get myself involved in some other things so I won't go back to food. Well, good luck to everyone! Feel free to message me with questions!
Well I did it!!
Jul 01, 2007
I had surgery as planned on June 18. There were a few hiccups, but the surgery went well. I (as I feared) woke up in recovery with the breathing tube still in, and they left it in for awhile. Thankfully, my memory is pretty blurry about this, but they eventually had to take it out because I was fighting with the tube, not letting it breath for me. I remember it was pretty painful, and I have had a very sore throat that is just getting better as a result of it. My oxygen levels on room air were not where they would like, so they strapped on a CPAP with oxygen (I had just gotten my CPAP at home so I am by no means comfortable with using it) and left me sitting there for HOURS--I was so completely miserable, I wanted to see my mom, I wanted to go to my room, I just wanted anything but just to be sitting there with everyone ignoring me and wondering what the hell was going on. I was the first surgery slot of the day at 7am, and ended up being moved to the ICU after 7pm!! After the move, though, things got a lot better. I was actually quite lucky to be in the ICU because I got an individual room and a lot of attention. My overnight nurse was the absolute best and I was up and sitting in a chair that evening and walking the next morning. I passed my leak test and was moved out of the ICU that afternoon. Again, I was lucky not to have a roommate, and tried to become increasingly independent and able to get myself out of bed and to the bathroom, etc. I did finally get a roommate at 4:30am who proceeded to begin vomiting upon entering the room, but it didn't last too long and things settled down. The next morning they started me on water by mouth and disconnected me from everything. I was on to jello and hot tea by lunch, and I was discharged at about 7pm!. I was so happy not to have to spend another night in the hospital. Just being home made me feel 150% better!! I was able to shower without help the next day (yeah!!) and have just tried to do a little bit more each day. I stopped taking pain medication after 2 days (honestly, mostly because it tasted so awful and as long as the pain wasn't unbearable, I didn't need it). My incisions WERE doing pretty well, but in the last couple days they have been getting increasingly red and even a little swollen around the staples and one has even started to leak some clear fluid. My instructions say this is normal, but I am glad I am going in to see Dr. Valin tomorrow and can get them checked out because several of them are really starting to look awful. I am doing fine on the liquid diet with no nausea, I am never really physically hungry and have been able to meet my fluid goals every day, but I still wake up incredibly dry (dry eyes, dry mouth, dry skin). However, my head hunger is out of control. I obsess about food all the time!!! I knew I would miss food, but it is far worse than I could have imagined. If I didn't have the threat of death or serious complication hanging over me, I am sure I would have given in to my cravings!! I hope that this long period away from regular food will help curb some of my dependence on it, and I am looking into a therapist that can help me talk this stuff out. Plus, I am constantly looking for things to keep me busy, but I am not up to long outings yet (I have gone to several movies and short shopping excursions, walks, etc, and am working up to more).
My weight day of surgery was 350, but after 2 days in the hospital I was up to 368!! I have my 2 week check up tomorrow, and by my scale I was down to 337 this morning. I lost 13 pounds on my pre-surgery 7 day diet, so I am down a total of 26 pounds in 3 weeks!! Of course, I want it to be more since I have so much to lose. It seems that the people that are the most successful overall lose a lot in the first 6 months, so I hope I can reach my goal of 100# in 6 months. I expect my surgeon will start me on the puree diet tomorrow, so we will have to see how that goes. I am excited to start to eat something more substantial, but at the same time I am scared about how it is going to feel or that I will get sick or I will eat too fast or not chew enough, etc. Also, getting in the fluids has been difficult without having to leave hours of time open around meals, so I don't know how I am possibly going to do it once I start the next stage! I guess I will just have to figure it out!
My weight day of surgery was 350, but after 2 days in the hospital I was up to 368!! I have my 2 week check up tomorrow, and by my scale I was down to 337 this morning. I lost 13 pounds on my pre-surgery 7 day diet, so I am down a total of 26 pounds in 3 weeks!! Of course, I want it to be more since I have so much to lose. It seems that the people that are the most successful overall lose a lot in the first 6 months, so I hope I can reach my goal of 100# in 6 months. I expect my surgeon will start me on the puree diet tomorrow, so we will have to see how that goes. I am excited to start to eat something more substantial, but at the same time I am scared about how it is going to feel or that I will get sick or I will eat too fast or not chew enough, etc. Also, getting in the fluids has been difficult without having to leave hours of time open around meals, so I don't know how I am possibly going to do it once I start the next stage! I guess I will just have to figure it out!
I have a date!!
May 21, 2007
I am *tentatively* scheduled for surgery 6/18/07. Now I have to wait for the office to call and schedule an appointment with Dr. Valin and for pre-op testing. What is with all the weird waiting--why can't they just schedule me now??? I am trying not to read too much into the fact that I am exactly 4 weeks from surgery and I have not met Dr. Valin, nor do I have an appointment to meet him... Is this the "normal" way of doing things??
Yeah!!
May 11, 2007
I finally got the official word today that I am approved!!! It is really going to happen--I kind of can't believe it. I got the news from my insurer who said she called and told Dr. Valin's office and they requested a letter, so I expect I probably won't hear from them until the end of next week to schedule surgery. I just hope it is soon enough that I will be able to get the surgery date I want (around June 18). Otherwise, three of my four finals are done, so just one more on Monday and I am free for the summer!
Still no news on insurance...
May 08, 2007
I tried calling Christine at my insurer a couple of times today but she wasn't in her office (or wasn't answering her phone =). Dr. Valin's office is closed today so I couldn't try them either. I told myself I would wait until Friday (I have my 3rd of 4 finals on Thursday) and I really thought I would hear back by then and am kind of surprised I haven't heard anything yet. I really can't imagine why it would take longer than 2 weeks unless there is a problem, so I guess may have been a little over-optimistic. I hope that I really have already been approved and it is just Dr. Valin's office that has been slow to let me know and schedule my surgery. We'll see...
Finally, some good news...
Apr 27, 2007
Ok, I spoke to Christine at my insurance company today and she said they have received all the paperwork they need and that she has forwarded it to the medical director for a final ok, but she thinks she should be able to call Dr. Valin with an "approved" very soon!!! I feel so much better and now just can't wait to get that final and official "approved"!!!
Still no letter!!!!!!!!!
Apr 26, 2007
I am so tired of having to bug people about this letter!!! It has been written and faxed on Tuesday but somehow still not received??? I spoke with the insurance person at Dr. Valin's office today and she told me that she actually contacted my insurance last Wednesday (even though they don't have a medical necessity letter for me yet???) and said she would call again today. I called my insurance which is managed by just one person and she said she had just spoken with Dr. Valin's office but she can't do anything without that letter so she suggested having my PCP fax it directly to her, so I have a message in to my PCP and am waiting for a call back. I am going to have her fax it to my insurance, mail it to Dr. Valin, and leave a copy at the front desk for me to pick up on Monday. If my insurance doesn't have it by Monday I am going to bring it to her personally!!!
Update...
Apr 24, 2007
Well, my PCP supposedly faxed the letter this morning, but Dr. Valin's office is closed today (of course) so I will have to wait until tomorrow for confirmation. Frankly, I'm skeptical because even if they did fax it, it probably wasn't received or it was smudged or it got lost. I used to work at an animal hospital and needless to say the fax machine was the bane of my existence. Anything we faxed was never received and anything faxed to us always got lost, blah, blah, blah... I would hope the whole system would be more reliable for "people medicine" but I have yet to see any evidence to that effect.
In other news, finals start next week, so I am completely freaking out. I have four exams, and law school exams are a big deal. The one exam determines your grade for the whole semester. It has been a pretty lackluster semester for me because my energy level has been so low, so I am not expecting the best grades, I just want to pass.
Sometimes I worry that my expectations about this surgery are too high. Not so much in terms of total weight lost, but I am really hoping it will help me lose weight so I can feel better and get back to life. I know the surgery is just a tool and my success is completely dependent on my compliance and the effort I put into making a big life change, and I really think this is the right catalyst for me, but I think deep down I almost can't believe that this is really going to work for me when I have failed so many times. I read so many stories on these boards of people whose lives have completely changed and I think they must have been like me before, and here they are finally losing the weight and keeping it off. Even at my most successful diet, I have never lost more than 50 or 60 pounds, and I have not been under 200# since high school (10 years ago). I can't even remember what that felt like. I wish I could go back and not hate myself so much--I always thought I was so much fatter than I really was and I kept gaining until my body matched my mental image of myself and then some. Since I have so much to lose, I know just getting below 200 will be a huge accomplishment and I am unlikely to ever reach a more normal weight. I just hope that this time I can be happy with myself. I may not be beautiful but at least I will be able to do all the things I can't right now, especially work long hours at a mentally demanding job and still have the energy to spend time with friends and family. I really took that for granted before.
In other news, finals start next week, so I am completely freaking out. I have four exams, and law school exams are a big deal. The one exam determines your grade for the whole semester. It has been a pretty lackluster semester for me because my energy level has been so low, so I am not expecting the best grades, I just want to pass.
Sometimes I worry that my expectations about this surgery are too high. Not so much in terms of total weight lost, but I am really hoping it will help me lose weight so I can feel better and get back to life. I know the surgery is just a tool and my success is completely dependent on my compliance and the effort I put into making a big life change, and I really think this is the right catalyst for me, but I think deep down I almost can't believe that this is really going to work for me when I have failed so many times. I read so many stories on these boards of people whose lives have completely changed and I think they must have been like me before, and here they are finally losing the weight and keeping it off. Even at my most successful diet, I have never lost more than 50 or 60 pounds, and I have not been under 200# since high school (10 years ago). I can't even remember what that felt like. I wish I could go back and not hate myself so much--I always thought I was so much fatter than I really was and I kept gaining until my body matched my mental image of myself and then some. Since I have so much to lose, I know just getting below 200 will be a huge accomplishment and I am unlikely to ever reach a more normal weight. I just hope that this time I can be happy with myself. I may not be beautiful but at least I will be able to do all the things I can't right now, especially work long hours at a mentally demanding job and still have the energy to spend time with friends and family. I really took that for granted before.
Some good news...
Apr 19, 2007
Well, I passed my ketosis test with flying colors last night, so that is one more hurdle out of the way!! I attended the pre-op information session and support group meeting last night, and the first part was certainly very informative about what to expect with the whole hospital experience. However, the support group meeting was not really what I would have expected. To be fair, I was in a really uncomfortable chair and that second hour I was so close to leaping up and walking out for that reason alone, so that my have effected my perception of the utility of the meeting. That being said, it was just a half an hour of a woman speaking about pilates and then kind of a random question and answer period. To me, a "support group" really needs to be a little smaller and a bit more of a comfortable and inclusive setting, like a small group sitting around a table or in a circle, etc., and the discussion really being driven by the patients and focusing more on the support they can get from one another more than questions that each person should be directing to their surgeon, nutritionist, psychologist, etc, on their own. That was just the idea I had in my head and I was totally wrong and therefore a little disappointed. At that point, I was so starving from not having eaten all day and fed up with the uncomfortable chair that I could not wait to get out of there and didn't try to speak to any of the post-op patients, not that there were many there that had the gastric bypass. I honestly don't see myself going back and will look for other means of support post-op. I liked the idea of the Flex program run by Chris Lodi, but there is a fee and a waiting list, so I will have to find out more about that.
In other news, I am now seeing a sleep specialist and in the process of getting fit for a mask and a trial period on an auto-titration CPAP machine to treat my sleep apnea. Also, the one last thing I need to submit for insurance is a letter from my PCP. I asked for the letter on 3/22 so it would definitely be in by now, but after 5 or 6 calls and being told that they faxed the letter but they would fax it again, I was finally told Monday that my doctor must have forgotten to write the letter because it is not in my file and she is out this week, so I will have to start the badgering process again next week. I know I am type-A and really try not to be bothersome because I know stuff takes time and things get lost over fax, etc., but it goes to show that sometimes you just have to be a pain in the ass! All I can say is that letter is getting written and sent on Monday if I need to call every hour on the hour! I have been nice and understanding far too long. This is a professional office and that is completely unacceptable! Just because I am a student I am not a second class patient and won't be treated like one!
Well, enough ranting for today! I should be happy--I actually get to eat today and Sanjaya went home on American Idol last night--finally something in this world makes sense!! =)
In other news, I am now seeing a sleep specialist and in the process of getting fit for a mask and a trial period on an auto-titration CPAP machine to treat my sleep apnea. Also, the one last thing I need to submit for insurance is a letter from my PCP. I asked for the letter on 3/22 so it would definitely be in by now, but after 5 or 6 calls and being told that they faxed the letter but they would fax it again, I was finally told Monday that my doctor must have forgotten to write the letter because it is not in my file and she is out this week, so I will have to start the badgering process again next week. I know I am type-A and really try not to be bothersome because I know stuff takes time and things get lost over fax, etc., but it goes to show that sometimes you just have to be a pain in the ass! All I can say is that letter is getting written and sent on Monday if I need to call every hour on the hour! I have been nice and understanding far too long. This is a professional office and that is completely unacceptable! Just because I am a student I am not a second class patient and won't be treated like one!
Well, enough ranting for today! I should be happy--I actually get to eat today and Sanjaya went home on American Idol last night--finally something in this world makes sense!! =)
About Me
Manchester, CT
Location
26.3
BMI
Surgery
06/18/2007
Surgery Date
Mar 12, 2007
Member Since
