jillbeme

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I am so afraid of not losing that I am obsessed with the scale. When I had the sleeve I worked so hard and the only weight I lost was the weight when on the liquid diet. The dr. said there is a chance that I may not lose weight with this surgery and I was excited that I lost 18lbs with the liquid diet. Then once I started eating I stopped. I haven't had a good  bm lately maybe that is part of the problem but I can't help but be concerned. I guess time will tell. I am not looking for scolding or to be told that I shouldn't focus on the scale but the past is still fresh and I hope it doesn't repeat itself. 

Well had my revision yesterday. The dr was really upset because my sleeve was so messed up. He said that with what the previous surgeon did it's  no wonder I didn't lose weight. He said everything I said made since.  I finally feel vindicated. I knew I gave it my best

I was thinking today about changes.  As most of you know I failed the sleeve.  I'm getting another chance on Tuesday.  The surgery is mainly for the Gerd but with the rny comes a new chance for weight loss.  A few years ago I was advised to give up soda by my dr.  The easiest thing I ever did.  Why can't this be that easy.  The dr. said that with my high blood pressure and high cholesterol I'm a walking stroke.  This should be a no brainer.  But it's a struggle. Tuesday is my birthday not my real birthday but my chance to celebrate the birth of my new life.

APPROVED!!!!

I found out today everything has been submitted to the insurance.  I wonder what they think.  My surgeon seems to think they will approve it.  I have my doubts.  Guess time will tell.  I'm so scared.  Tick tock tick tock.  

I am lurking around here daily and find it safer to post here due to some high criticism that is often posted on peoples post.  

I know I failed the sleeve.  I live it daily.  No excuses complete failure.  Waiting to see if I can get a revision due to the acid reflux.  I have my doubts that the insurance will cover it.  If it doesn't don't know what I will do.  Yet I worry what if they do approve it? Will I fail again ?  I need the what the Rny has to offer.  I have been able to eat anything since I had the sleeve.  I just want to succeed.  I will do what it takes.  

Today is one of those days that the two time failure had my emotions going up and down.  The first surgery fail wasn't my fault but how do you mark that off your book a fail is a fail.  The crapband about killed me but your mind makes you feel like a complete failure.  What's done is done so move on to failure #2.  The sleeve !  Damn, did I work hard or did I?  I exercised ate right but when things didn't go as I expected I gave up.  Then came the acid reflux made (makes) me hungry all the time.  I hate this. I can't be a 3time failure.  The dr. Recommended I have the bypass last time I didn't listen.   Now with the gerd and reflux I have to listen.  No more grazing no more failure. Time to turn into loser instead of failure. 

Well what a day for the books.  I went to the upper Gi and met with a unique individual (dr).   So any way he comes in and says why you here? He said I see you've had the sleeve, yeah how'd that work for ya??? Not so well huh... Most people just learn how to eat and don't bother having someone cut your stomach out.  He then said look at me I've lost 60lbs. You don't see me having my gut cut.  He told me try weight watchers.  I asked him about my reflux he said yeah it's there along with a hernia but again just learn to eat.  I left there in tears.  

Then to the nutritionist .  She was kind but timid.  She had a lot of information.  I really like her.  May use her after surgery for guidance.

Finally met with the psych.  He said I was good to go.  Now up to the insurance.

Went to see pcp today and was she unhappy with me.  I told her my plans and she is a tiny 85lb woman.  She said that she would rather I didn't have the revision and continue to take the medicine.  Before going to see her my surgeon called and said that my cholesterol was high and my pcp needed to put me on meds right away.  He also said my vitamin d was extremely low.  Well before I left the appointment my provider was on board also prescribing me more blood pressure meds and cholesterol meds.  She said I will most likely come off these once I have the surgery.  

Tomorrow is the upper gi / barium swallow, nut appt. and psych appt.  Then it's up to the insurance.