jilliecats

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so my new avatar is of me as a not so old human being.  My 6th birthday!!   Still on the road to healthy.  I can say that the only good thing about being sick was that I lost my "monthly present!"  Well, guess what?  Now that I am almost 100% again, guess what came back?   Arghhhh!  Happy Holidays to everyone.  Wishing the whole WORLD a much better 2013.  Things could have been worse in 2012, but not by much!   LOL!!!!

Well, well, well, I am updating my profile.  Life continues to happen.  Shortly after I spoke so highly of Jeff, he told me he didn't want to be together anymore.  Crushed me with that news.  I became even more depressed and really didnt care about anything, even my boys, that's how bad it was.  I continued to work, but all I did was show up and answer the phone.  My boss was so wonderful, he should have fired me but he didn't.  He stuck with me.  Finally, at the end of April, my psychiatrist and I decided that it would be good for me to go back to school as I wanted to have a career to make a good living.  I was tired of just being a glorified secretary.  I wanted something that I could accomplish and be proud of.  He took me off work and put me on state disability insurance.  I started back to Cuesta College in August, studying to become a paralegal.  I LOVE IT!!!  I realize that about half of my brain cells have left me since I last was in school in 1982, but I love the challenge.  I will get both an AA and a paralegal certification upon completion.  It is going to take 18 months to 2 years, but I am committed.  When my s.d.i. runs out, I will apply for school loans.  We are so poor now that Gary qualifies for reduced lunches and we all qualify for medi-cal.  Their dad continues to be a total asshole.  He has no clue on how to be a father.  Gary has his learner's permit to drive and in my opinion, learning to drive is something a dad should be teaching his son.  Well, not in this family.  He is too stupid to step up to the plate so my dad and I are just teaching him. 

I am having health problems, nothing life threatening, but still serious in my opinion.  I am losing my teeth fairly quickly.  Nothing seems to help to keep them in my mouth.  I also have a real bad problem of not being able to eat.  The minute I attempt to swallow something, I have to throw it back up almost immediately.  This comes and goes so it isn't a stricture.  I will have it for a month or so and then it will go away for a month or so, then come back.  I have no idea what it could be.  It has recently gotten much much worse.  I may have to bite the bullet and just go to the doctor.

I am still weighing in at 165 - 168.  My body seems to like it here.  I wear either a size 10 or 12, depending.  I really do want to get back down to a 6 or 8, but not a huge priority at this point.  I also have started back to the gym, but not nearly as much as before.

My boys are continuing to do wonderful.  Dusty is doing very well in college.  Gary is doing great in 10th grade.  It is wierd, if we all go by the schedules that have been mapped out for us, Dusty and I will graduate Cuesta the same time Gary graduates high school.  That is a kick in the pants!  Too cool!

That's about it, at least all I can think of at the moment.  Oh, Jeff and I are talking again and have become very close friends once again.  I am hopeful that it will end up being what it was before, but I am not pushing too hard.  I enjoy what we have now, even if it doesn't go further.  He is truly the one I was destined to be with, of that I am 100% sure!

Happy October everyone.  Don't eat too much Halloween candy!!!

Hello to all of you. I am set for surgery on Wednesday, January 28, 2004 at Temple Hospital in Los Angeles . I have not met the dr. yet (Dr. Nazarian) but know I will like him because of all the positive things I have read and heard already. I am so glad that I know about his punctuality, or lack thereof, because if I dodn't know this going in, I am not sure I would appreciate it! HA!

I have been heavy FOREVER! I have been pretty lucky that I was not teased too much during my school years. I am now 39 years old, will be 40 in June 2004. I have been married for over 20 years and we have two boys (13 and 11). It is just time to be able to do recreational activities with the rest of the family. Health issues have just recently started creeping up on me. I want to be able to live a healthy life with my family.

I have been researching the WLS for a long time. I went to a consult in Delano, CA and they were awful! I did not feel comfortable at all, but since I had heard good things about the dr. there, I ignored my gut feeling. Then Rick Mark from Liv-Lite called me. After I talked to him, I realized why I had been hesitant. There was a huge difference between the way I was treated. I now know that God had a hand in helping me find the Liv-Lite program.

Well, as you can tell, I am a rather "wordy" person. I will keep in touch here for anyone who wants to know what is going on. I love reading everyone else's stories. They are so motivational.

I will see Dr. Nazarian on Monday January 19, 2004. I am very excited! I will let you know how it went. See ya!





FEBRUARY 5, 2004 - Well , it has been one week and one day since my surgery. I am feeling good, but my incision sure hurts. I keep freaking out that my insides are not working every time a get a twinge or something. Is this normal? It is extremely difficult to get dow all the protein, etc. I am supposed to be getting down, but I am managing to get down at least 3/4 of it. I am walking a lot, which is a milestone for me. I walked one mile two days ago and a little over a mile yesterday. I think I need to take it easy today cause I was really tired yesterday. My doctor was fantastic! Dr. Nazarian and the other doctors who work closely with him are the best in my book. I have no idea how much weight I have lost yet because I am waiting for my follow up appointment on Monday, Feb 9 to weight myself. I guess that is it for now. Bye!!



February 8, 2004 - Wow! Yesterday was an awful day. I woke up feeling good but then the hunger started creeping over me. Nothing would satisfy me, or even make me comfortable. I tried everything. By four p.m. I thought I was going to die so I called the dr. He finally called me back at eight p.m. after I had made another phone call to him. He could do nothing for me. Thank goodness I am seeing him on Monday. Hopefully he will move me from clear liquids to full liquids. Otherwise, I am doing great. Walking a lot (3/4 to 1 mile daily). Just terribly hungry. I finally got a little bit of relief after drinking protein all evening. I hope it doesn't happen again today!!



February 10, 2004 - First follow up appointment with the doctor was yesterday. I am down 27 pounds. YAHOO!! Even better, he has advanced my diet and so now I have satisfaction in my tummy and no longer think of the operation and all that goes with it on a 24/7 basis. He also gave me some Xanax to take away the anxiety I have. The anxiety is something that runs in my family. My first meal was yogurt, which went down very well and did fill me up. For dinner, I had bean with bacon soup, strained of course, but it was delicious and also settled very well. I am now seeing light at the end of the tunnel and I feel so much better. I do wish that they would address the emotionality, especially at the beginning, and how it could make you feel. It was a topic that was just brushed over slightly, as an afterthought. In my case, it was the biggest part of the surgery. The doctor says I have healed fine, no physical problems at all. My incision is still letting out some kind of ooze, but he said that is normal. I really want to thank all of you that took the time to post me notes of encouragement through last week. If it wasn't for this website and the kindness of you all, I would have gone crazy! Well, for now, goodbye! Will post again after next appointment March 8th.


March 12, 2004 - Well, here I am again. I had my six week appt with Dr. N. on the 8th. I am officially down 43.5 lbs. Wow! I am doing quite well. All the previous mental issues have seemed to fade away as I have gotten used to my new life and have somewhat overcome the fear of throwing up over everything I eat. I really don't know why I have this fear as I have not thrown up yet at all. I have felt like things did not settle right probably four-five times, but that is all. I am walking a lot, but apparently that is not good enough for the doctor. He said go to the gym. I am checking out some gyms in my area. I went to one on a trial basis. I met with a personal trainer and he showed me how to do the machines. He was great but the gym was so "hooty tooty". The people who go there definitely think they are in a better class than me. I was not comfortable AT ALL! So my search will continue. I think I will end up prefering an all ladies gym. Everything else is going fine, as far as WLS surgery goes. One thing the WLS surgery has given me is a newfound confidence to look for a different job. I LOVE my job now, but work with a lady who treats me like a second class citizen, to the point that I find myself miserable when she is there. I have spoken to my boss about it, but she is too much of a softy to confront the girl, so I am taking matters into my own hands and looking for something else. I hope to find something closer to my home too. Well, that is it for now. See you!


March 25, 2004
Well, hi there! I am officially a "half-century" club member. I am down 52 pounds. Feels great. I have also started going to Curves. Can't say that I enjoy it, but it is not too bad. They say I will learn to enjoy it. We'll see!! I also quit my job and am looking for another. Finances are doing o.k. so I will be able to find something I want to do, not just take anything that comes along. It's a good thing (as Martha Stewart would say). Also reached a milestone today. I had a Quizno's sandwich today. Granted, it only consisted of turkey, cheese, bacon, and fat free dressing, but it made me feel normal! It was alos delicious. I couldn't believe that I took the top half of the bread off and ate the sandwich open face style. The old me would have demolished the bread right away. Things do really change, don't they. I guess that is it for now. See you later..........



May 18, 2004 - I went for my three month check-up yesterday (at 3 1/2 months). Everything is going great. I am down 71 pounds. WOW!! The doctor is pleased with my progress. He stated that he thought 160 would be a good goal weight for me. I think that is a bit too thin, but we'll see when we get there. I am now into size 18 and 20 in pants and shirts, some 16s in dresses. I sold all of my "larger" dresses on ebay and have made enough $$ to fund my son's graduation from 8th grade, you know the family bbq and gift, etc. This was a nice bonus for me and met quite a few really nice people from across the country. I go to Curves faithfully three days a week and do walking also. I am guessing that my bloodwork will be fine but the doctor will let me know the results. I had it done yesterday at my appointment. I was hoping that the stab of the needle would be easier with the weight loss, but it wasn't. They still could not find a vein and the doc finally had to come in himself and do it. Oh well..... The job hunt has been put on hold. I will be taking a Spanish course this summer at the community college and then will start searching. I don't know what it is like in other parts of the state/country, but where I live, all of the really good, high-opaying jobs either prefer or require bi-lingual ability. So after I take my class, I should have enough Spanish under my belt to be able to pass the testing. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Well, I guess that is about it in my life right now. Take care and thanks for reading this.....


June 3, 2004 - Wow, it is the middle of the night and I cannot sleep. You know that saying, "The best made plans......" Well that is happening to me. I had mapped out the whole summer once I had put the jon hunting on hold. I paid for the Spanish course and was just waiting for it to start. Well, I got a call a couple of days ago from a person I had interviewed back in March with. I went back for another interview. It turns out that the person he hired iddn't work out, so now I have a JOB!!! It is only five minutes away from my home and at a very good pay rate for this area, with a raise after 90 days. This is great news!! The other great thing is that when I went to Wal Mart to buy something to wear when I went to see him, I actually bought a regular size large dress!!! WOO HOO!!!!!! I must be losing inches, because the scale has gone back and forth between 230 and 232 for the past week and a half. I am trying to keep my spirits up about it, but wish the scale would start going down again!! The other thing I have to report is that first the first time ever, I got what is called cellulitis. It is on my right calf and it hurts like a mother!!! I thought it was just because I had gotten sunburned, but when it never went away, I knew it had to be something else. Went to the doctor. He has me on antibiotics, and I can tell it is starting to get better. It no longer hurts like it did a couple of days ago. Thank goodness!! Oh, I went to Dr. Nazarian for my check-up and they did the first labs I have had since surgery. Turns out I need more iron, so am now taking that with the other vitamins. This was no surprise as I have always had a tendency to be anemic. Dusty, my oldest son, turned 14 on May 31. He will be graduating from 8th grade on June 11 and we will have a whole sh&^load of family over for that so my mom and I are sprucing up the house. We painted the livingroom and are going to do the hallways today. It is looking good! Never would have had the energy prior to WLS. I am also coordinating my 5th graders schoolwide year end pool party at the local park and helping on the 8th grade promotion ceremony committee. Again, things I NEVER would have done before WLS. Life is good, that is certain!! Take care everyone, till next time..........................



July 12, 2004
Five and one half month check up - down 89 pounds. Everything is good, blood o.k. Doctor says I am doing great and I feel great. Go to the gym regularly, and gradually increasing both strength training and cardio. Will be hairless soon if something doesn't change!! Still on the elusive "perfect job" search. Current job, the boss is soooo nice but job is soooo boring. Have an interview Friday. Wish me luck!!!! I am wearing size 16 pretty solid now. They are not tight either. Well, that's it for now. Love to all.




July 28, 2004
I MADE THE CENTURY CLUB!!! TODAY IS MY SIX MONTH WLS ANNIVERSARY AND THIS MORNING I HIT THE 100 POUNDS LOST MARK!!! HOORAY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



August 28, 2004
Things are going well. As of this morning, I weigh 194 lbs and an pretty consistently wearing size 14 in whatever I buy! School started again for my boys and when I took them to school, I got A LOT of looks from the other moms I volunteer with. They all had very nice things to say, which made me feel pretty good. Went to Goodwill today and bought two beautiful very professional dresses for a grand total of $14.00! WOO HOO!! Next appt with my surgeon is September 13. I seem to have decided on a pattern in my eating. My staples are string cheese, cottage cheese, chicken breast, isopure drinks and 10 pretzel sticks per day. I have not gotten sick on anything, but seem to enjoy these foods the most. That's it for now. Take care - Jilliecats - down 110 lbs -



September 13, 2004 - Had my 7 1/2 month check up today. I am weighing in at 190 on the doc's scales. I'll take it! I am in between sizes right now. 14's are a bit too loose and 12's are more than a bit too tight! Things are going really well. I had my very first episode of getting something stuck lat night and it felt awful!!! It finally went away but do not want to experience that ever again. I am going to school and working full time. It is working out well. There is not really much else to tell, but I want to thank all the friends I have made through this site. A lot of life-long (I hope)friendships have been formed and I really treasure them. The kids are doing great in school. My oldest is actually doing his homework without me having to threaten him with bodily injury!! How cool is that? Well, till next time, take care.................

January 31, 2005
ONE YEAR POST-OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How the time does fly. Sorry I haven't been updating, but decided that Iwould update every time I saw the doctor and this is the first time I have seen him since September. Well, I just got back from L.A. seeing the doctor for my one year check up. According to his scale, I weigh 159, which is 145 lbs down from when I started at 304 lbs on January 28, 2004.

Get this......He told me to NOT lose another ounce!!!!! He said that after he completes the plastics, he estimates that I have 20 - 25 lbs of skin alone needing to be taken off. I truly rival Caroline with the excess skin. My thighs are the worst. On top of the hanging skin, I have terrible varicose veins, which ends up being a good thing because the doc feels certain the thigh lift will be approved because of the veins.

I do think that I will continue losing down to approximately 150 before I stop, though, although it gets lost much more slower now!

I will be going in to have the veins taken care of sometime within the next couple of weeks to a month. Then we will be talking plastics, maybe as early as May or June. Batwings, tummy and thigh lift!

He is fairly certain that insureance will pick up at least 80% of it, and maybe all but the co-pay, so we will see. Even if insurance doesn't cover it, I have got a slush fund that will pay for it (it is called the parents )

I just want anyone who is reading this to know what an incredible journey it has been and still is. To have absolutely perfect blood pressure, no more threat of diabetes, and to ACTUALLY ENJOY walking and physical activity! If you are a pre-op, this is the best thing you will ever do for yourself and family, IF YOU FOLLOW THE RULES!!!! If you are a post-op, you understand where I am coming from.

Thanks for being a part of this new beginning. I wish you all a great week and a great journey!

Any prayers for insurance approval would be grreat too! Everything helps!

Well, that is it for now. Take care.


February 9, 2005
This is the day of the start of my plastics. I am going in th have varicose vein stripping and ligature done. Have to be at the hopsital at 5:30 am. I will be the first one in at 7:30 am for the surgery.

Later.....surgery went well. I was done at about 12:30. I then just kind of dozed for therest of the day and they let me go home at 5:00 pm. The pain was not bad. I did take the vicodin prescribed to me. The pain feels more like an "ouch" twinge here and there. It is not an overall pain, just a burst now and then. The biggest pain is that my legs have to be kep wrapped up in these bandages really tight, and a big roll of fat sticks up out the top of the bandage, so I am pretty much cinfined at home, unless I want someone to see my roll of fat! YUCK!!! I don' even want to see my roll of fat. I am going to call the doc today, the 11th, to see if I can take the bandages off and shower. The directions the hospital sent home with me says wait 48 hours after surgery, but I seem to remember the doc telling me three days. I soooo hope it is 48 hours instead! I can hardly wait to take a shower. The doc did way that my veins were pretty darn bad, ans was surprised they didn't hurt more than they did. I am really fortunate for that.
Well, I think that is most of the details. Time to go elevate the legs again.


April 4, 2005
Well, it has been a while so here is an update. It is not one of those "everything is wonderful" updates but a very real perspective, and I don't think I am alone on this either. The lower my weight gets, the lower I want it to keep going. When I started my journey, the doctor asked me what I wanted to weigh. I told him that I did not know, but if I could wear a size 14-16 I would be extremely happy. Forward to today, I am now wearing size 6 pretty consistently, even some 4s once in a while, and I am still not happy with my weight. I feel like people are watching me when they see me, and if I am not smaller than I was the last time they saw me, I will have failed in my journey. How wrong is that??????????? I have lost 159 frickin pounds and now weigh 145. I have lost more than what I weigh and am still not happy! What is wrong with me? The doctor wanted me to stop at 160. I said o.k. to that, but have kept on going. If anyone is even reading this, if you have advice for me, I sure would appreciate it! I think I must feel this way because when I was eight years old, I wanted the Chrissy doll (you know the one that could have either short or long hair. It had a knob on its back to turn to roll the hair up to make it short) for my birthday and I didn't get it, so that has messed up my brain ever since then! LOL

Well, as far as exercise and diet go, I am walking at least two-three miles plus everyday. It is easy to do when you have a little doggie that will pee in the house unless you take him out. MY diet is still pretty good. I have settled on a low fat diet, never more than 20-25 grams per day, probably about 1200 calories a day. I don't really watch carbs thoguh. I do have a sweet tooth, but find that lifesavers and everlasting gobstoppers do the trick for me and keep the other sugar demons at bay. I still get in 70 - 80 grams of protein per day. One thing that I am curious about is the fact that I was NEVER sick before when it came to allergies and sinus troubles. I have pretty much been constantly sick since mid-January with sinus problems, whether it is allergies or infections. I am just now getting over a double ear infection with a chaser of a sinus infection along with a cup of pink-eye (conjunctive-itis). I wonder if there is any correllation with the WLS or if it is just coincidental. I do take all my vitamins and barely ever forget them, so that is not the cause.

Well, that is it for now. If you are reading this, I appreciated that you took the time to read it and am sorry for the whining! I wish I had the answers though, I really do!!!!

Week of May 9 - 15, 2005 - Well, I was POTW this week. What a terrific honor by my friend Terri. I absolutely don't feel worthy of it at all, don't feel like I contribute any more than anyone else. But it makes me really happy at the same time.

Sometimes I feel like I am invisible. I am just so dang boring. Childhood was fine, nothing traumatic ever happened. Married at 19 and still with the same guy. A few months ago, I really thought that the end of that marriage might be near because I was changing for the positive and he was still staying the same. Well, since then, and me finally standing up to him and his selfishness and negativity (which I think scared the holy sh*t out of him), he is coming around, being a much more positive person and not nearly as selfish as before. He still has his moments but not nearly as many as before.

Well, the weight is still going down, but slowly. No complaints as I am 22 lbs below the goal that Dr. Nazarian set. He told me to stop at 160. I still want to somehow get into the 120s. If I was able to do that before the plastics, it would be soooo cool. Not sure that is realistic though.

Guess that is it for now. Take care and thanks for reading.........


July 6, 2005 - Hello to all! I realized that not much updating has been done by me lately. I used to live for this board and the friends I made on it. I find myself somewhat disillusioned with it lately. The more I get to know folks personally, the more drama I find out is happening. So-and-so said something negative about someone else. Jealously rears its ugly head. When someone is approved for plastics, instead of sheer happiness, there are some who only have catty, bitchy things to say. How disappointing!!! I used to love to share what some call the "smilestones" but have stopped doing so because I don't want anyone to talk trash about me so the best thing to do is stay invisible. Not sure what the solution should be to this issue, because humans being humans, this happens everywhere. I thought I had found a place where it didn't exist and I am mostly sad because I was wrong. Mean, unhappy people just suck, plain and simple.

Well, that is my gripe. I feel somewhat better posting it, but realize that I will probably just get talked about because of it. I guess I need to develop thicker skin and try to not let it bother me. I am ALWAYS there to support others, just wish it was reciprocated. Oh well, that is about all for now.

Weight is holding steady. I sure want to get to 134 and stay there, but do not think it is meant to be. I did get there for about five minutes about a month ago. Enjoy life all of you!!


August 9, 2005
Had my legs, arms and tummy done on August 3, 2005 at Temple Community Hospital in Los Angeles by Dr. Nazarian and his associates Dr. Naim. Things went well, except I was under the knife for 12 to 12 1/2 hours. They were estimating six hours, but the legs took a lot longer cause they were so bad. The doctor won't give me a figure of how many lbs of skin is gone, but it has to be in the ballpark of 20 lbs, I would say. I was incredibly out of it on Wednesday and Thursday. But feeling sort of bakc to life on Friday, the day I went home. They were going to let me go home Thursday but I was too scared too so they let me stay (for FREE!!!!) until Friday. Nothing but good things o say about the Dr and his LivLite team, which went to bat for me on discounted pricing so I could pay cash for the plastics since insurance denied me. I am appealing and believe I wlll eventually be successful, but just have to jump through their hoops. The main problem I am ficing now is the constipation issue. I have been taking natural laxative and it has done nothing for me, so doctor prescribed some stuff, I think it is that stuff that some of you folks had to take the night before surgery to clean you out. I never had to take it so I am kind of hoping that I won't need it, but if things don't start moving by later today, I am gonna take it and just get it over with! I think that is about it to report. Thanks to all of the true prople I have met via this board. Leonard, I can't imagine life without you. Rachel and Mikey, same thing. And Lu and Dave, Joe V., Sheryl in So Ca etc, etc, gosh there are just so many folks! And to think that I would never had met any of you without this board. There is a lot of B.S. that goes on with this board, but I try to steer clear of all of that and focus on my FRIENDS!


August 30, 2005 - FLUID RETENTION SUCKS!!!!! I am so incredibly uncomfortable with all the fluid that is in my legs. They are easily twice the size they should be. They are actually about the same size as they were pre surgery. Had the doctor do some more draining yesterday. There was a remarkable improvement, but I am just so tired of not being able to wear pants at all. I can't wear pants because I have to keep my legs wrapped up as tight as I can stand it with Ace bandages, which causes a big bolb of fat to stick out on the back of my legs, which keeps me from being able to wear anything but baggy sweats, cause I don't want people staring at me and wondering what the heck is under my pants! LOL!! I don't know if that is vain or not, but that is how I feel and nothing is going to change my mind. On a happy note, my arms just healed up so quick and I absolutely love the results. I have no fluid retention there. My tummy also looks great. I have just a little fluid there, but not enough fro him to have to drain it. My belly button infection has started healing over, and the doctor says in another week it should be all healed. Well, that is the update for now. I don't know if anyone reads this, but I read it to remember my journey.

October 7, 2005 - Just an update here. Not much to tell. The leg is finally getting better. There is still a big ball of fluid right at my inner knee that I am sure will have to be drained, but it no longer is getting bigger and bigger. My ankle is back to normal size. Things are looking pretty darn good. I wore my size 0 pants to work and I have to say that I caught a couple of the guys really looking at me, and not because they looked bad or anything. It was because I looked good! This is one of the first times that I could really see that I had lost a lot of weight. I have started walking again, at least 2 1/2 miles daily. I am maybe going to start going to the gym (again) with a friend's parent, not positive. I want to tone up what I have left of my skin. My boobs are pretty pathetic, but oh well. Sure I would like them to be all perky and happy, but that just ain't gonna happen and I am o.k.with that. Life is actually pretty good right now. Work is good, boss is wonderful to me, so are co-workers. My 15 year old son just started his first real job, so that is good. I have a pretty good husband, even of he can be a total pain in the ass at times. My youngest son is getting straight A's in school. There is not a lot more that I can ask God forthat he hasn't given me. So I guess that is my update for now. Take care everyone. I am thankful for the folks who truly know me. The others, I feel for, and hope that they can reconcile their anger and pettiness before it is too late in their lives. It is a shame how bitterness and negativity can swallow a person if they let it. Ta ta for now!!

April 8, 2006
Just posting for my benefit. I feel like a slug. I am exercising quite a bit, but am not making the best food choices. Still, I should not be gaining and with my intake combined with exercise, should be losing, if only a couple of lbs a month. However, I continue to go up three or four lbs and then down two or three. Don't know what is up with it, but I am very disappointed and frustrated to say the least. I guess I have to accpet it because when I started out on my journey, I said I wouldbe happy if I could get into a size 14. I am in size 4 now and am not satisfied. I guess I am just mental or soemthing. Well, just wanted to get it down for posterity how I am feeling. Been this way for three months now.