Judith P.
ME: THE EARLY YEARS
Wish I could remember a date, an age, an event when I became fat. Maybe it didn't start as "fat", but some less caustic term such as "chubby" or "filling out". I look back at pictures of my childhood, and see this bright-eyed, blond pre-schooler that fit perfectly at the end of two older brothers in a perfect pose set up by the perfect photographer. I see photos from early school days and I seem the "same", "normal" among my school mates. Even pre-puberty shots don't have even a hint of what is lurking around the corner.
I do remember being encouraged to make good grades, read lots of books, play quietly, clean my plate, don't talk too much and otherwise make myself unnoticed.
I never remember being involoved in any physical activity with my family. No walks, no games, no tennis, nothing. I never saw my parents involved in any recreation; just hard work, nose-to- the-grindstone existence.
Imagine the shock, when one morning at 11 years of age, I woke up and was "developed"!
And that is the first recollection I had that people were noticing this girl that had been taught to go through life being unoticed. What could I do?
I know, I'll hide!!
But there wasn't anything that I could count on to always be there when I needed to hide!!
So I guess, sub-consciously, I developed my own portable hiding spot. My Body!!! It was always with me; I had complete control over it; nobody would bother trying to look through all of the fat to find the hidden me! IT WAS PERFECT!!
My plan worked perfectly through high-school. I'll bet if you checked with the more than 400 people in my graduating class, not more than 1 would have remembered me. SUCCESS
REVENGE OF THE PLAN
Like those 50-60's horror movies, the plan developed a life of it's own. It began devouring ME. I no longer had control of things and my weight was beginning to skyrocket.
College, marriage, 3 kids, divorce............BAM
Face-to-face with this monster I had created to protect me!!!
What am I going to do with the 300# hiding place/body I was faced with??????
Battle began then and has contined for the past 30+ years. Try this diet, lose 10#, gain 15#. Try joining the gym. Lose 20#, gain back 15#.
I know, remarry, maybe if somebody loves me I will have the motivation the shed some poundage.
BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!
Bad marrIage #2= lose 75 #, get divorce, lose 25# more.
WOW......... down 100 pounds in a year.....Oh..Oh...being noticed again.
RETURN OF THE PLAN, PART ii
It worked before, lets try again. Time to fortify the hiding place=time to gain back all of the weight.
Eat, drink and be merry, that's the motto. 
have fun, be party girl, don't take anything too seriously, especially not yourself. Hide behind the body, the partying, the laughter. Be noticed but only as a fun person, nothing serious. 
Gee, this is working. No body and especially no man, thinks of me in any way except a pal.
No sense all of this dieting, working out, caring. And with this attitude the pounds so easily came back on with a vengence. Who cares???
But then the unthinkable happens!!! A very special man, a man who seems to see past the partying facade, past the "I don't give a s--- attitude", past the hiding spot/body...........down to the very core of me........and wants ME............just the way I am...............
OH NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FAST FORWARD:NOVEMBER 2007
Well, needless to say the happiness fairy sprinked her happy dust all over me and I found myself, probably for the first time in my adult life, in a relationship that allowed me to feel like an equal; with all the warts and bumps and pounds and scars that had accumulated on the zany ride we call life. WOWEE!!!!!!!!
I knew I was loved and loved myself JUST AS I WAS!!!!!
But, the years of over-indulging in food, inactivity and generally abusing my body began to catch up with me. Hypertension, high cholesterol, high glucose, arthritis, sleep apnea...
OH NO......THESE THINGS COULD KILL MEJUST WHEN I WAS FEELING TRULY HAPPY!!!!!!!!!
So, cut to the chase. I began investigating options. My best girl-friend in the whole wide world came to vist last December. What a change had happened to her!!She had dropped massive amounts of weight, improved her health with gastric-bypass surgery.
Cool!!And more importantly, she seemed more content than I had ever seen her in her life and looked like she could take on the world.
I thought, maybe I should do that.So over the last year, I have investigated weight loss surgery, insurance coverage, spoken with my primary physician, tried to lose weight on my own, attended 2 different informational seminars, and have finally made the decision to proceed with RNY and am scheduled for December 10th.
