Flabbergasted!

Jan 31, 2008

I just got back from my business trip to Las Vegas last night.  It was a good trip and I did fine with the restaurant eating.  I had an appt. with my counselor this morning and when I got home at 10:30 am, I called Tanis (my aunt who just moved down here) to find out if she needed to go grocery shopping.  She said yes, so I promised to pick her up at 1:00 pm.

So I get there at 1:00 pm, and instead of coming out to the car she asked me to come in and sit down.  As soon as my butt was in the chair she started crying and said, "I'm going back to Boston."  She misses her friends, her doctor, her familiar surroundings, and says she's too old to change at age 84.  She thanked me for all I did in helping her moving down here but she said she's afraid all the time here (in a tiny rural town with virtually no crime - compared to the Boston area!) and just can't deal with all the changes.  While I was in Vegas, she called home and got a friend to find her an apartment (a 1-bedroom at more than twice the rent she's paying for a 2-bedroom here).  Today she called the moving company and booked the move back for Feb. 8th, and asked me to give the landlady her notice.

I was flabbergasted!  She hasn't had TIME yet to get used to this area, and she's already given up and moving back north.  But I told her I just want her to be happy, that I only suggested that she move down here so I could help take care of her, and I will support her in whatever decision she makes.  She told me what a good person I am and apologized over and over.  Her tears broke my heart.  Part of me felt guilty for making her come down here in the first place, but the rest of me felt like there's only so much I can do to make her happy.

I can't wait to hear what my mom thinks about this.  Mom had said before Tanis got here that she thought the move was a mistake, and I guess she was right!

Being All Things to All People

Jan 26, 2008

Tanis is still staying with us because the water heater broke at her new apartment (it's supposed to be replaced this weekend) and it's taking her FOREVER to sort out her belongings and put them away.  The landlady gave her the name of a woman who will pick Tanis up here on Monday (while I'm in Las Vegas and V. is at work), take her to the apartment, and help her fix things up and clean.  The apartment looks very clean to me, but Tanis is a neat-freak so if she wants to pay this woman to clean it for her, why not.

I got my computer back yesterday after $70 worth of diagnostics and the problem turned out to be with my ISP, not my computer.  My ISP (who had previously denied it was their problem) finally identified and corrected the problem and has given me a credit for $30.  So after a week of inconvenience, I'm down $40 and terribly backlogged with work that has to be done before I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow.

This morning I took Tanis to Wal-Mart to do my grocery shopping and get stuff for her apartment, and that took forever because I walk 3 times faster than her and she dithered over every item she selected.  Then we took her stuff to drop off at the apartment, brought the groceries back here, unloaded them, put them away, and I just had enough time for a badly-needed protein drink before I had to turn around and go back to town to get my mom to bring her over here for lunch and supper.  I got her a new walker with wheels on all 4 legs which is easier for her to maneuver than her old one, but she still is VERY slow so it was quite a deal getting her out of the assisted living facility, into the car, back home, out of the car, into the house, and into her chair at the dining table.  Then I fixed her and Tanis grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and heated leftovers for me.  Now she and Tanis are talking - or rather, Tanis is talking at Mom - while the dogs occupy Mom's lap.

I'm dreading this trip to Las Vegas tomorrow.  I have a 3-hr drive to the airport in Memphis, then a flight to Minneapolis with a connection to Vegas, and don't get into Vegas until 10:57 pm Vegas time.  Monday I'm going to the furniture show at the World Market Center in the a.m. and the WCAF (West Coast Art & Framing Show) at the Hilton in the p.m.  I have 5 appointments at WCAF Monday afternoon.  Tuesday I go back to the World Market Center for the day and Wednesday I come home.  I won't get home til 8:30-9:00 pm that night.

Then I'll be back to trying to get Tanis moved into her apartment.  I'm feeling stretched very thin, trying to be all things to all people.  Meanwhile my best friend Elaine, who lives in Hong Kong, told me she is coming to visit Feb. 10-12.  I will have to go to Memphis to pick her & one of her employees up at the airport and bring them back here.  Elaine wants to talk to me about a possible new consulting client she found me, a customer of hers who buys floral containers (vases, pots, etc.) made in China.  She also thinks I could pick up another client, a US company that imports goods from Asia and needs product development help.  The problem with that is that the V.P. of Merchandising there is my former boss, who can be a real a**hole, and the CEO of the company is HIS  former boss, who I always had the feeling didn't like me because I never sucked up to him (I'm just not a political animal and that's one reason I'm glad I'm out of the corporate world now).  But it will be wonderful to see Elaine.  Her 51st birthday is Feb.11 so V. and I will take her out to dinner.  I'd like to give her a gift, but have no idea what to get.  Elaine is very wealthy but lives a very simple life, doesn't wear jewelry or fragrance, doesn't cook, and her apartment isn't "decorated" so I can't think of anything I could get her for her home.

Many Changes

Jan 23, 2008

My trip to NY was a success.  My brother didn't show up in Family Court, so the judge granted me a full restraining order for the maximum period - 2 yrs.  While I was there, I signed all the papers to sell my NY real estate (that my brother had been living on rent-free) to Noah, my private detective/bodyguard.  He's getting a bargain price for it but taking it in "as is" condition, with a trailer that needs to be burned down/removed, & fuel oil tanks to be removed, a fuel oil spill to be dug out, and steel girders and 9' of fill to be put in, none of which I have the cash to pay for.  After a year-long battle with my brother over this property, I'll be glad just to get rid of it and be free of the property taxes.

On my way through Memphis, I picked up my 84-yr-old aunt, Tanis, who flew in from Boston and is staying with us until we can get her settled in  her new apartment.  The next day I took her to see my mom, her older sister, in her assisted living facility.  It had been several years since they had seen each other and Tanis cried, but Mom was rather remote.  She's been complaining of depression (the doctor prescribed Celexa but it doesn't seem to be helping yet) and is convinced that Tanis moving here was a bad idea.  But since Tanis was widowed and has no children or other family besides me to take care of her as she ages, I couldn't just leave her there alone in Massachusetts.  I brought Mom over to the house on Sunday so we had a family day together, but again Mom was rather remote and withdrawn.  Tanis calls her every day and says it sounds as if Mom has given up on life.  At 88, she is just old and tired and worn out by decades of struggling with my psychotic, abusive brother.  I'm at my wits end - don't know what else to do for her to improve her quality of living.  The assisted living facility is very nice, she loves the staff, and I know they're taking good care of her.

Meanwhile my computer was struck with some kind of problem with Internet Explorer, so it's in the shop being repaired (I hope) and I'm without e-mail and have to use a computer at the library.  This is highly inconvenient to my consulting work and badly timed because I just got a lead on a possible new client (I badly need the $$ from another client) and need my computer to analyze his product line.

Tanis's furniture arrived from Massachusetts on Monday and today she is at the apartment unpacking stuff with the help of one of the local moving men, who volunteered to do anything from unpacking to vacuuming/cleaning and will take away all the empty boxes.  I adore Tanis but she is very dithery and I found myself getting impatient when I was trying to help her.  She's a perfect houseguest, not at all demanding, but V. and I will be glad to have the house to ourselves again once she moves completely into the apartment.

This weekend I have to leave the whole pack of them behind to fend for themselves while I go to Las Vegas for a trade show.  This will be my first trade show since I got banded, and I will have to deal with restaurant meals.  I'm bringing some of those tuna salad kits to tote for my lunches, packets of protein powder, protein bars, and Crystal Light packets.  I'm still getting used to the 2nd fill I got on 1/7, have to take TINY bites, chew forever, and eat VERY slowly in order to get solid food down.  When I was in NY I had quite a few painful "stuck" episodes, but I'm still getting hungry between meals so I think I will need another fill before I have adequate restriction - yet I can't imagine eating solid food if I were tighter than I am now.

I just had my annual mammogram and GYN visit.  The GYN found when she did the rectal exam (I know, TMI) so I have to see my gastro-enterologist the first week of February.  He will probably want to do a colonoscopy since my mother has a history of colon cancer and I have a history of polyps.  I'm SO looking forward to that.  Another danged clear liquid diet.

I talked to my GYN about the Premarin I've been taking since my hysterectomy.  I've heard such bad things about it - senile dementia, breast cancer risk, etc - but the mood swings and hot flashes I had right after the hysterectomy were terrible, and I want to protect my bones.  Dr. L. put me on a lower dose of it and if I do OK on that, will taper me off the Premarin and put me on Evista.

I also saw my PCP this week, about getting off some of my meds.  I'd been taking Valium for anxiety for months and want to get off it but knew I shouldn't just stop all at once.  He gave me a schedule for tapering off it over the next 6 weeks.  As far as my cholesterol meds go, he wants me to stay on them for another 3 mos, re-test me then and if my readings are still low, drop the Lipitor.  Hurray!

Living with the 2nd Fill

Jan 12, 2008

I'm still adjusting to Monday's fill.  Although Dr. Argotte requires a liquid diet for 24 hrs after a fill, then return to solid foods, I haven't been able to eat solid foods comfortably - have to puree them and eat very, very slowly.  So there is definitely more restriction, but still not enough to keep me from getting hungry between meals.

On Monday I leave for Syracuse, NY for the Family Court hearing on the temporary restraining order I got against Kirk.  I'm bringing protein powder, Weight Control oatmeal packets, and some of those mini tuna kits with me just in case I'm still having trouble with solid food while I'm up there.  I want to take Noah and his wife and daughter out to dinner on Tuesday p.m. to thank them for their kindness to me.  I can always eat soup at the restaurant if necessary.

Noah thinks that Kirk won't show up for the hearing, in which case the judge could continue the case for another 30 days.  But I can't afford to keep flying up to NY hoping that Kirk will obey a court order.  No one knows where he is now.

This afternoon I'm going to visit Mom and bring her the blow-dryer and body lotion her caregivers requested.  Also a bag of chocolate-peanut butter bon bons.  When I spoke to her yesterday she was very vague and confused and aware enough of the deficits to be bothered by them.  I don't know what to do to help her.

Good News & Bad News

Jan 07, 2008

Good news and bad news today.  The bad news is that when I called Mom this morning, she was so depressed she'd gone back to bed after breakfast.  I called her doctor's nurse and explained the situation to her and she said she discuss it with the doctor and have him change the diuretic and phone the assisted living facility with the med change.  I hope to God it works.

The good news is that I lost 7.5 lbs last month and despite that, Dr. Argotte gave me a 2nd fill today because I've been so hungry.  Of course I've been hungry ever since leaving his office because of being on liquids for 24 hrs, but I'm hoping that having 2 cc in my 4 cc band will ease the hunger once I get back on solid foods.

I looked up my current weight on a BMI chart and I'm right on the edge of being merely "overweight" instead of "obese", and I started this journey as "severely obese".  I just wish I could see the difference in myself, but when I look in the mirror I see the same old fat person.

Who will take care of me when I'm 88?

Jan 06, 2008

As usual, I picked up Mom after church (she's not interested in going to church with me) and brought her back to our house for lunch and dinner and plenty of cuddling with the dogs.  In the car on the way back to the assisted living facility, she complained that she's been feeling depressed ever since her doctor put her on a diuretic, so I promised to call the doctor's nurse tomorrow after I get home from seeing my surgeon and see if depression is a side effect of the diuretic or what's going on.  Then there will probably be another highly inconvenient schleppe to the doctor's office.  But I can't bear to see her depressed.  She was so depressed when I first got her away from Kirk that she could barely function.  I think depression runs in her side of the family.  I suffer from depression but treat it successfully with Lexapro and Remeron.  Maybe one or both of them would work for her too.

I have no children.  My first husband told me he would divorce me if I got pregnant (he then went on to have 2 children with his 2nd wife).  Well, we divorced anyway and years passed before I met husband #2.  I was 34 when we married and by the time I was 36, I was pre-menopausal. and completely menopausal by age 38. I traveled a lot all over the world for my job and V. didn't want to be a stay-at-home dad, so adoption wasn't an option.  Now I look at how much my mother relies on me and wonder, "Who's going to take care of me when I'm 88?"  Of course, having children so you'll have someone to take care of you in old age is a lousy reason to have kids.

That Damned NY Property

Jan 05, 2008

Talked to Noah last night.  He's gotten estimates on removing the trailer from the NY property, filling it in to make it buildable, and dealing with the oil spill: at least $15,000.  I don't have $15,000.  So even though a realtor said it was worth $50,000, it's worth nothing to me in its current condition.  So I told Noah I would take $5,000 for it (his best offer).  At one time I had dreams of using some of the sale proceeds for plastic surgery, but now all I want to do is recoup my legal/travel/private detective/bodyguard expenses from the past year.  It's cost me a bundle to get Kirk off that property, but it was worth just to inconvenience him.  Noah promised to help me collect the $6500 court judgment from Kirk, but how he will do that when we don't even know where Kirk is now is beyond me.

I sent a form to the VA the other day requesting an increase in Mom's Aid & Attendance benefit now that she's in assisted living and I pray they grant the maximum benefit ($1500/mo) and soon, or Mom's savings account will disappear too fast.  I'm still paying off the credit card bill that Kirk ran up before I cancelled the account.

Sometimes I get so tired of being the responsible one in the family.


He's Gone!

Jan 03, 2008

Noah, my private investigator in NY, just called to say that my brother has finally left my property that he's been inhabiting rent-free for years, just in advance of getting served a court order to get out.  All he took was 4 boxes of his foster son's Army memorabilia.  Left all his clothes, furniture, plus several sets of police-car lights (?!) and a lot of gun ammunition.  He had his pistol permit revoked years ago after threatening a neighbor with his gun, yet he had all this ammunition.  Noah found the arrest warrant from that incident so we'll have that, plus the court-certified transcript of Kirk's threatening voice mails, to show the judge when I go up there for my restraining order hearing on 1/15.  Noah's going back tomorrow to take photos of the place to show the lights, ammunition, and severe disrepair (it's a really bad pig-sty) as evidence of Kirk's mental state.  Noah's guess is that Kirk won't show up for court on 1/15, which would be bad because it might make the judge continue the case for another month, meaning another expensive trip to NY for me.

Noah still wants to buy the property from me, but he's got to get quotes on removing the trailer from the land and what he has to do to restore the property so it's buildable.  It's waterfront and apparently needs something like 9' of fill in order to meet local building codes.  And the fuel oil tank has been leaking for years, so he might have to dig out that soil and replace it.  Needless to say, I don't have the money to pay for all that restoration, so if Noah doesn't buy it from me I'm screwed.

But I am so relieved that Kirk is finally out of there, after nearly a year's legal fight.  I just wish I knew where he went -- I'm so afraid of him showing up here one day.  Our local sheriff's office knows about the restraining order, but God knows how long it would take them to get here (out in the country) if I had to call for help.

Off to the Doctor

Jan 02, 2008

Took Mom to the doctor yesterday - a big production with an 88-yr-old woman with a walker and the office building is not handicapped-friendly.  She's been having swelling in her legs and feet which the doctor says is due to vascular insufficiency, a common problem as we age.  He prescribed a diuretic, which means she'll be going to the bathroom even more than she already does, and half the time she doesn't make it there in time and wets herself.  I got her some Poise pads because she doesn't like Depends.  She argued with me about wearing them - doesn't want to "waste" them if it turns out she doesn't need them on a given day.  I told her better to have it on and not need it than need it and not have it on.

I talked to the administrator of the assisted living facility about the threat my brother poses to Mom.  He has been trying to find her ever since she moved down here.  The administrator asked for a photo of him (the only one I have is 30 yrs old and he looks much different now) and told me he would warn the staff about the situation.  He has another resident in a similar situation so I guess they are used to dealing with this kind of thing.

Today I'm going to Curves.  I chickened out of my daily walk because it's so freaking cold out.

My Husband Likes My Book!

Jan 01, 2008

V's usual fiction reading material is Ellery Queen and Alfred Hitchcock magazines, so I was surprised when he told me yesterday that he wanted to read the novel I just published.  It's written from a woman's point of view and for a female audience, so imagine my surprise when he told me tonight that he's halfway through it and really likes it!  "Now you have to write another one," he added.  Well, I have 2 more in the works; getting them published is the biggest challenge.

Mom read my book and returned it to me with no comments.  She's a former English teacher and was probably tempted to red-pen it.

On Sunday the pastor of my church told me he wants to have a book-signing event for me at the church, maybe after Easter.  He's such a sweetheart.

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