making stride to change
Nov 09, 2010
November 9 2010
in seven days i will be having gastric bypass weight loss surgery. I have been overweight most of my life. my mother, two sisters, cousin, mother in law and sister in law have all opted for various weightloss surgies during the early 2000's and I was "left behind" where I was the smallest of the biggest , and now and the biggest of the smallest.
Many years ago I made a promise to my husband and children that I would not go this route for weight loss. I have struggled through the Fat Flush Plan, Liquid Diets, Prism Diets, aerobics programs, home exercise tapes, three different locl gym membershios, work walk buddies, etc. They all worked to some defree, but ultiamtely i ended gaing soem or all of teh weight back each and every time.
I made that vow not too long ago, but that was before my husband passed away from Leukemia , and my diabetes spun outta control and now my high blood pressure from all the stress of losing a husband unexpectedly, losing the support of my in laws, having to relocate to foreign city with no readily available resources unless you were dirt poor, working in a emotionally unhealthy environment, going to college full time, no family support system and having my 2 younger children lose their bioligical dad (3 years after my husband) and my 2 older children lose their paternak grandma within days of each other this past summer.
Enough is enough. I always put the needs of everyone else before me for recognition because of my low self esteem in some areas of my life such as being a teen mom (20 years ago), being overweight, and not having the financial prosperity to spend money freely as those around me. I wanted to make a overall change inside and out. It meant cutting off dead weight emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The first step was the realizaton that I was not in compliance with my overall health from my doctor. I wouldnt take my medictions on a regualr basis, nor did I follow up with necessary healthcare visits for myself. When my doctor threatened to get rid of me as a patient when I refused her advice on taking insulin, It was a real wake up call.
I was scared of so may things, "What would people think; will my job give me the time off;what about the affter effect of my body; will insurance cover; what if I die." I spent more time being pessimestic than optimistic, that I once again oushed the thoughts aside until my summer came crashing down around myself and my children with three family deaths. The only thing that came out of was the birth of my beautiful granddaughter.
So i decided that I WANT TO LIVE. I want to live for my granddaughter, I want to live for my children, I want to live formeself, and I want to live to love. Afterall I am only 38 years old, and proud to sy I dont even look it. But I also want not to feel it.
So I started the steps in June. I met all the requirments within a few weeks, Psychologist Exam, Nutrionional Consult, Enodscopic procedure, Abdomnial scan, Doctor recommendations, and Lab work. Easy as 1-2-3. Almost, but not quite. I had a set back or two due to insurance guidelines. Those nutritional appoinments went from one to three to six required visits. I was beggining to think of giving up again. But I have never been known to quit, no matter how much I grip and complain.
Then I discovered that of my required test results, I had a ulcer on my esphogus and a large gallstone that needed to be removed. Great!
I had the gallstone removed July 22nd. That was a painful surgery. I was on bedrest for two weks for a gallstone that was 2 centimeters!!
In October I got the good news that my insurance Blue Cross Blue Shield of Pennsylvania approved my surgery date. The enxt hurdle was was work and school. and becasue I am in the middle of a internship that means working around two jobs and school. Luckily for me I selected a date that worked around a major holiday (Thanksgiving) and the school semester is three forths over so I dont have any major assignments due while I am "(wo)man down." As for my job, it has been so hectic with being short staffed and workplace idiocracies that I am need of a much needed emotionally break. I have already decide that I may not return after the New year. I have God on my side so I know all things are possible.
I decided that this post will be one of my final papers for one of my classes this semester! I didnt know I had so much to write about., but I will leave with one final thought :
I dont have any specific goals on my weight right now. I am more focused on working on my eating behaviors, including "grazing" and "stress eating", and looking for a positiv support system. I dont expectto be a "size 6". I just want to be a size "healthy" and dispose of the deadly diabetic disposition that is shortening my life span.
Until next time, Stay well and stay focused and take the journey one day at a time