Joanne M.

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1. sit in an airplane seat and not ask for a seat belt extension
2. wear wide shoes vs. double wide shoes
3. get looks from men that totally surprise me
4. walk with another person and not get left behind
5. carry a load of laundry from the 2nd floor to the basement
6. see my face again and not so many double chins
7. look at myself in the mirror during my dance class
8. turn down chocolate or sweet desserts because they have no power over me
9. feel sexy

Wishing you the same.

Joanne

Well, here I am finally a post-op RNYer.  It has been 11 days since my surgery and I am happy to say that I made it through the first few days without a hitch.  Yes, Day 1-3 were not my best but I made it through.  I focused this past week on the healing process and my new life of 15 vitamins, tracking liquids and walking and more walking.

I think about the process that lead me to this day and I'm relieved that I made this decision.  Knowing that I still have a long way to go, I'm thankful.  Many people said "you are so courageous - you are so brave."  I guess I didn't feel like that. I felt that I had to do this.  There was little reservation before surgery.  I am also realistic that something could happen to change how I feel but I am going to manage my feelings and fears one day at a time.  I also have played by the book since Day 1.  I figure if I'm going to change my life and take this big step - I shouldn't give less than 100%.  I know that I'm worth it.

Today, I am not hungry but I did enjoy my first few bites of real food today. YEAH for me!!!  Cheese omelet, applesauce and banana were so pleasant.  I'm looking forward to tuna at lunch but more than that, I'm looking forward to my new relationship with food.  I know that I want this new life to trickle down to my daughter and help guide her to the best choices.  I want her to learn that every decision has a consequence - especially with food. 

I've learned so far that life can begin again and that the ones closest to you will always be there to help cheer you on.  Looking forward to this journey more than ever.

Wishing you health,

Joanne

Day 14 of the liquid diet and the last day I ever have to drink an Optifast shake.  That in itself is a major accomplishment.  I made a commitment to myself not to cheat and I didn't.  I also worked out 5 times during those 14 days at my dance class.

So, here I go.  So many years of planning this in my mind.  So many things accomplished since last May when I went for that first seminar with my mother and two amazing friends - Susan and Ana.

I think the thing that overwhelms me the most is how supportive I have found every single person I tell.  From my amazing family to my glorious and funny friends and those smart and proud colleagues.  That has made my journey so far a walk in the park.  I've been calculated and researched every single step and now I hope to reap the benefits of a healthy life. 

I still can't imagine what it will feel like to be 100 pounds less.  I know I want to jump.  I want to jump in my dance class and roll on the floor.  My dear Ana, I did that for you on Saturday and I did that for me.  Thank you always. Being a 300 pound dancer in a sea of 130 pound dancers is daunting.  But I did it with my head held high and loved every moment.

But that is all behind me now.  I can't wait to sit in an airplane and not ask for an extension for my seat belt.  I can't wait to go for a hike and not slow the group down.  I can't wait to run after Mia and catch her.  I can't wait to buy a pair of size 12 jeans (I would be ok with 14 as well).  I can't wait to be in total control when I eat.  I can't wait to laugh about this entire process when I am at goal.  I can't wait to help others who are contemplating the same experience.  I can't wait.

I love you all. 

Jo

So I knew that I would be on a 2 week liquid diet that my doctor required before he would perform RNY.  I had all the things I wanted to eat before: prime rib, sweet potatoe fries, key lime pie, baby back ribs, chinese food, empanadas.  I had them.  I remember Monday, Feb 28 and the feeling that I had really over done it.  I took my mother to Wegman's for lunch after my final appt with Dr. Halmi.  If you don't have a Wegman's in your town, I am truly sorry.  It is a huge grocery store.  They have amazing pre-made food there - some healthy and some not - and offer a cafe type setting.  I decided to go for it.  Mine you that I had just been to see Dr. Halmi but when I entered the store, I knew that I had lost control.  My mother ordered a fish and veg lunch and it was very healthy.  I went straight for the buffet and started to pile it on.  I have to admit I enjoyed it at the time.  The only problem was that for the rest of the day, I had terrible heartburn and was so sick and then just mad at myself.  We walked around the store for another 25 mintues after we ate getting last minute things for the surgery.  I had to sit down. I couldn't do it anymore.  I never want to have that problem again. 

So now I'm on Day 3 of this liquid diet that I know will end soon and I know I will do it without cheating.  I'm keeping busy.  Everything and anything to keep busy.  I think it helps that Spring is in the air.  I know when I get back from the hospital that my garden will come alive and so will I.

Wishing you health -

Joanne

So today, as I cleaned up old clothes and organized my bedroom, I thought about how many years I ate myself into a constant circle of failure.  Mild depression was what the psychologist called it during my evaluation.  I know it has stopped me from succeeding in so many areas of my life.  I think it's impossible to think about the exact time, event or confrontation that lead me to doubt myself.  Being heavy was like covering myself up with a heavy thick blanket.  I was safe with food.  I was happy to binge.  I looked forward to it. But it didn't match my personality and my need to be adventurous.  It robbed me for the last 10 years of those adventures.  I use to be up for anything but the added weight was always there - a road block to an active life.

Dance may have had something to do with it.  The pressure to be thin and my rebellious personality didn't match.  I remember being 14 and my dance teacher told me that I was a wonderful dancer but I needed to lose some weight.  I really admired him.  From 4 years old, he had taught me this wonderful art form and to hear these words from him was devastating.  But I had a choice, I could have lost weight and been ultra thin but I chose a different path.  And every year in high school, I gained weight.  14 at 140 - 17 at 170 and then 20 at 200.  By the time I was 30, I was 300 pounds and in such denial.  And at 33 when I was desperate to have a child, my 320 body said "no". 

I was able to get down to 280 and get pregnant.  After my daughter was born, I was 275 (yes, I lost weight after pregnancy) and at a perfect place to lose weight but all of my energy went to her and my husband.  For the last 8 years, I have gone up and down from 275 to 319 when I had my first consultation with Dr. Halmi. I never want to see 319 again.  I valiantly packed 4 bags of clothes today for the Salvation Army and I vow never to buy a size 26/28 again.

Life is beautiful and cleaning up the past gives rise to the future. 

I vividly remember seeing an old friend about 7 years ago and not even recognizing her.  She had RNY and looked amazing.  She was always a pretty girl but now she was a knockout.  I remember someone saying - you should have that surgery.  I was kind of upset at that comment but she was right.  Now all this time later, I'm ready.  I've been approved and have a date and now I'm keeping my mind busy.  Busy at work, busy at home, and busy doing all the research on proteins, vitamins and I'm exercising. 

I had my endoscopy and it was fine.  I've quit coffee, sodas, straws, gum, alcohol (ok, after tonight) and I've started to take in protein drinks.  I'm eating 3 meals a day and I'm chewing the hell out of them.  I'm eating slowly and that is hard.  I was always the first to finish a meal - ALWAYS.  I have scheduled all of the pre-op tests and appointments.  I have a trip scheduled with my daughter a few weeks before surgery.

Life is where it should be.  I have so much support from family and friends.  I can't wait to wear jeans.  Really, I can't.

Joanne

at the end of this tunnel.  I see me at 150 pounds (lots of skin) but happy.  Things are coming together.  The pysch eval is done and the endoscopy is scheduled for Feb 11.  Approval from my insurance is also around the corner.  I have to be positive.  I know it will happen.  And if I can have it my way, I will have the surgery the week of March 20.  That is 6-7 weeks away.  I think about it and get really excited and scared and nervous all at the same time.  I listen to a song by Pink "Glitter in the Air" and the line that says "Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?"  That is going to be my motto to get through surgery.

I know it's going to be a long haul.  I know that 90 percent of my success is on me and 10 percent is RNY (it is only a tool). I want to lose 20 pounds over the next 6 weeks and exercise (dance classes twice a week).  I want to walk fast, not get winded, wear something cute and run with my daughter - chase her down until she laughs so hard.

It will happen.  Now God give me the strength not to binge eat.  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  I don't even remember what thin is like but I will.

No more 300 pound girl.  Look out world.

JOJO

Last night I decided that I would go to a support group meeting.  I've been to 1 already but this was at a location other than my hospital.  It was far out.  I was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half before I arrived.  I was frantically looking for the entrance since I had never been and all the while thinking "Am I going to be nervous?' - "Will I find the answers to my questions?"  I mistakenly walked through the wrong door and stepped to the head of the class and then quickly tried to find a place to sit amid the packed conference room.

But as I entered, I felt relieved.  I felt welcomed.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  For the next 2 hours, I was enthralled by question after question and the honest answers that would follow.  This room was filled with young and old - men and woman - black, white and hispanic.  There was magic in that room because there was so much knowledge of first hand experiences and the willingness to share and give back.  I was amazed and didn't want it to end.

The NUT began the meeting by counting everyone's weight loss and as we went around the room everyone clapped.  I couldn't believe it but the total was 2,015 pounds lost.   We would have never fit into that crammed room before.

There were people that had RNY, the sleeve, the band and they all had a story to tell.  There were lots of nodding heads as well.  I realized that this journey has begun for me and to be successful I can't do it alone and I don't have to. I almost cried a few times and for those that don't know me - it's not hard for me to cry.  But I was geniunely overwelmed with the lack of judgement.  People were tripping over themselves to give you a tip, pointer and  reassure you that it's going to be alright.

If you have something like this in your community, go!  Go for yourself.  You are that important.

Wishing you health,

Joanne

I have a 7-year old girl.  She loves Halloween.  But all I can think about is NO MORE CANDY.  I'm terrible with her candy.  I sneak it, I steal it, I cover up my binging, I even hide the wrappers.  But she isn't a fool, she knows what Mommy is doing.  So I go into this Halloween as if I have already had WLS (if I type it here, it must be true) and that means NO MORE CANDY.

Who am I fooling - I have Type 2 diabetes and I don't need candy.  I've had it for 42 years and look where I am and look what I have become.  I'm tired of people thinking I'm lazy because I'm big,  I'm tired of not being about to buy clothes that are cute and shoes that are youthful.  I'm tired of not being able to dance like I use to (ok, I put the toe shoes away a long time ago but this 315 ballerina can still move her thing).  TIRED...TIRED..and TIRED.

I have to learn to love ME more that candy.  I'm going to buy the best apples for Sunday and enjoy it - every little bite.

Halloween is just a day.  A day not to lose control.

Joanne

So I'm still working on getting all the pre-op requirements done before I apply for approval from the insurance company but I can't keep thinking that I want to be thin..now..and I want to wear jeans!

I know it's not that easy.  I know there are hundreds of  things that I need to get done beforehand and it just won't happen overnight.  I started this process Sept 27, 2010 with my first consult with Dr. Halmi.  I went to his seminar in May 2010 and the entire summer I thought about WLS.  Really, I've been thinking about it for 2+ years.  I'm happy that my husband went with me to the support group.  He did learn a lot.

So here I am - still looking for a psych consult; visiting my PCP every month and praying that I can get this surgery done by the end of January.   Yes, I will wear jeans one day.  I don't think I've worn any since I was 16 but there is a pair out there with my name on them.

Wishing you success,

Joanne