Anne D.

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Lost another two pounds but can't seem to change my ticker.  It's finally coming off again now that I'm newly committed!

My mother insulted me the other day.  She's 81 and in a nursing home and I was visiting her there on my lunch break.  There wasn't any room to sit, so I sat on the seat of her walker and she said,"Well, when you get older if you ever need a walker, you're going to have to get one a lot bigger than that one".  And she and my eldest sister (who I don't get along with) both started to laugh.  That hurt a lot.  But I didn't say anything cause I didn't want them to know how much it hurt me. 

Since my surgery 5 and a half years ago, I've gained 40 lbs back.  I had originally lost 95 lbs.  If truth be told, after my surgery,I guess I subconsciously believed that I had a license to eat whatever I wanted because I knew that I can't eat much at one sitting.  Then I got to a point where I could eat sweets, which is my weakness.  At first eating sweets was torturous to eat, but somehow six months after surgery, I was all of a sudden able to eat them without getting too sick...as long as I didn't eat much at one time.  Before I even realized I was doing it, I was eating sweets all the time....just a little at one time but more and more often until I could pretty much eat anything, anytime. To be honest, it never even occurred to me to NOT eat them when I knew I could.  My thought, (if you can believe it)  was "I can eat this because I've had a gastric bypass;  I'll lose weight anyway".  Now here I am, back up to 210 from my lowest weight of 170 lbs. 

For three days I was enraged at my mother, thinking to myself what a bitch she was for saying that and laughing!!  And I stewed about it!!  And I was angry!  And I vowed not to go back and see her anytime soon.

Then four days ago on July 10, 2013, I woke up earlier than usual and I was laying in bed thinking, "What the hell are you doing to yourself???  You've been given such a wonderful opportunity and you're wasting it!!  You're 50 years old now,  no kids, no man in your life and you whine that you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life but it seems like you sabotage every good opportunity that comes your way by stuffing your face and MAKING SURE that no one gets close!!  WHY??????  Then it came to me: YOU WANT TO PUSH EVERY SINGLE PERSON AWAY BEFORE THEY HAVE THE CHANCE TO WALK AWAY FROM YOU!!!!!  It WAS a revelation, but I wasn't letting myself get away with that!  That's a COWARD'S way out!!!!!!!!! So I went to work that day (I'm a chef) and I decided that from then on I'm not eating any more refined sugars such as cakes, donuts, ice cream, Mr. Freezies, chocolate bars or anything else of that nature and I haven't. Only fresh fruit for me...and it's ok cause I love fruit anyway.  Frankly I thought it would be harder to do (don't get me wrong, it isn't  easy) but it's a decision I've made and I intend to follow through with it.  I so desperately want to get back on track.  I sure don't want to get back to my pre-surgery weight of 265, yet I believe that I was well on my way!!!

So, as mean as that comment was, I guess I needed to hear it.  Sometimes the truth does hurt.  And it snapped me back to reality.  BTW I'm still pissed at my mom but I suppose I'll get over it in time. lol

I haven't been on ObesityHelp.com in a very long time.  If truth be told, I've been gaining weight, eating whatever I wanted and not exercising.  So it shouldn't surprise anyone when I tell you that I now weigh somewhere around 200 lbs.  I've gained 30 lbs.  Two days ago, I bought a treadmill from Costco.  I decided to get off my big fat ass and start walking....maybe at some point even start jogging??  I hope so anyway.  I really need to do this.   I don't like the way I look.  I went down to a size 10 but now I wear size 14-16.  I need help.

Well it's been a while since I've been on here...and that's not good.  I now weigh 187 lbs.  I'm up 17 lbs in a little over a year.  I've been able to pretty much eat whatever i want, that's the bad part.  But at least I still can't eat in large quantities.  As of November 01/09 I've decided to stop eating sugar cause I still have a (huge) sweet tooth.  At about 6 months out, I noticed I wasn't dumping anymore and up UNTIL then I was safe from eating sweets cause they made me sick.  Now I'm not so lucky.  So I just have to stop altogether, there's no getting around it.  Sugar is the enemy and I can't seem to control myself around it.  Ah the life of a food addict is just like the life of an alcoholic...one is too many and 100 is not enough!!  So now I know what I have to do.  Wish me luck!

It's July 07/08 and I now weigh 170 lbs.  I hate that it's taking forever and a day to lose weight.  I sure hope I can get to 164 in four weeks cause I want to be able to tell people at my niece's wedding (aug.02/08) that I've lost 101 lbs and have a BMI of 29.9.  I really should be exercising more.

My weight loss is as slow as molasses.  I weigh 173 lbs.  That's 92 lbs lost.  The good thing is I'm now wearing size 10 pants.  



**DATING AFTER SURGERY**
 I had coffee the other day with someone I met on Plenty of Fish.  He seemed nice enough but I'm SURE he was lying about his age.  He said he was 52 but I'd bet my next paycheck he's 5-6 years older.  That just irks me.  When I got home, he sent an email asking if I'd like to go to dinner...I originally said yes , thinking, It's Just dinner, but I don't think I'll go.  I hate it when people lie to me.  At least I'm getting asked out right?  Before surgery I couldn't get a date if I paid one.

I got up this morning and the first thing I did was jump on the scale.  As of this morning I've lost 90 (count'em) lbs.  I'm very proud of myself!  And I'm beaming!

My weight loss has slowed right down lately and my hair loss has picked up.  I weigh 177 lbs.  Some weeks I don't lose an ounce and it's very frustrating.  I am still 42 lbs to goal.  On the other hand, I find that I'm losing inches.  I'm now wearing size 12 jeans compared to size 23 when I first started.  I suppose it took time to get fat, so it will take time to get thin.  Realistically I KNOW THIS, but I just want the damned weight OFF of me once and for all.  Since the weight is coming off so much slower lately, 42 lbs seems like a life time away.

Well I finally got to 80 lbs this morning!  It feels good I have to say.  My family thinks I look pretty good...I just wished I believed it as much as they do cause everytime someone gives me a compliment, I find myself saying "Yeah but I still have 50 more lbs to go."  I really have to stop that.  It's just a bad habit I've gotten in to.  I AM proud of myself though deep down, cause I NEVER could have lost this much weight on my own.  I find that I'm losing about 10 to 14 lbs a month.  It won't be long until I'll have lossed that extra 50 lbs too.  I can't wait.

I'm happy to announce that I'm now down to 193 lbs thank you very much!! :)  It pleases me to no end when I see the needle on the scale going down down down!!  I can't wait till I am 135 lbs.  I'm going to go on the shopping spree of a life time!