Joy L.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Well, the past few years had some unexpected emotional impacts.  I gained back up to 265.  The good news is that I am Back On Track with Bariatric Support Centers International and am down to 243 lbs.  I have decided I want to get this regain off and help others do it too!

When I initially had my surgery in June 2008, I never really thought about a goal weight.  I just kind of figured the weight would come off until it stopped I guess.  I got down to 175 lbs. following surgery (from 328 lbs).  I regained weight over the past year and a half and my new 1st goal is 175 lbs.  I have clothes that fit me at 175 lbs.  They are a 16 but I never in a million years thought I would ever wear a 16 again.

I have been back in the saddle now for several weeks and have lost 24 lbs. toward my 1st goal of 175 lbs.  I still have about 47 lbs. to go to get there but I'm on the journey!

My mind could not fathom that I could set a goal beneath 175.  I'm not sure why I didn't think that way.  I have now set my 2nd goal as 145 lbs. which would put my BMI in the healthy range

Tomorrow (Sunday) I will be 51 years old.  It seems like just a short time ago my 3 boys were young and running around making me crazy.  Now they are grown.  I've been married for nearly 33 years.  When I look back over that 33 years at the amount of time I spent morbidly obese, feeling awful, sad, hopeless and defeated it is an eye opener. 

In June 2008 I had RNY and it was the absolute best thing I ever did for myself.  It gave me a life.  No more feeling hopeless and defeated about how much I weighed.  I am so happy that going forward that one is behind me.  Yes, I have regained some weight but I'm well on my way to conquer that too.  I am confident the tools and education required for the surgery will help me achieve that goal.

Needless to say, we all have those same tools.  Reading all the stories on here gives me the knowing that this is doable.  I am grateful for the life I am able to have now and thank God for it.

Happy birthday to Joyful!

Well we all made it through another candy holiday.  I am pleased with myself that I didn't have any temptation with the stuff.  I made cake balls for our tricker treaters.  I am still going strong on my plan and plan to eat this way as a way of life.  I am still losing so I am doing something right.

I went back to the "in the beginning basics".  That has eliminated the cravings for the unwise carbs.  I signed up for Weight Watchers and then thought "do I really want to get back on the whole yo-yo thing"?  Not so much.  I know what to do so I am getting a grip. 

Stay tuned for future posts.  I feel good about this which is awesome.

 

Well the Liebengood Halloween 2012 party is over!  A good time was had by all.  Best news yet is that I didn't even LOOK at the food table.  I kept hearing about all the fattening goodies everyone brought but I didn't lay an eye on one.  The good news is that on Monday I was down like 3 lbs.  In the past I always felt like I was "dieting" every food holiday.  Valentines Day....hopefully was still on it after the New Years start up.  Easter, usually I had fallen off the wagon and got back on by then.  Memorial Day - I think I pretty much enjoyed Memorial Day as I wanted.  4th of July - Protein day so a good day.  Labor Day - another good day for protein and always inspired since I am tired of seeing myself in summer clothes - feeling fat.  Thanksgiving - a potential for disaster but I typically don't overeat at the meal....its the desserts that are lethal for me.  Christmas - same as Thanksgiving but at least I only have my kids and wives over so I can completely control what is served.  New Years Eve - we go to a friends house every year and he makes the most AWESOME chicken and dumplings.  I try to stay heavy on the chicken with not-so-much dumplings.  Needless to say, foodies can live holiday to holiday.  I'm really trying to break that mold for myself. 

My husband and I are having our annual Halloween party so I am preparing lots of things, most of which I am not eating.  Notice I didn't say "I can't have"?  Wow, that is a big change for me.  Usually when I'm "dieting" and a holiday comes up and I can't eat all the bad stuff I look at it like (pout) I can't have that....sniff, sniff.

This time around I feel like my attitude is right and my thinking is more healthy.  I choose to eat the low-carb, high protein things that make me feel great and not drag.  No blood sugar bottoming out, my clothes are getting looser....maybe even closer to that winter wardrobe I can't get into because I had regained so much weight.

We all have to stick together during Halloween (Candy) Day & Night.  I challenge everyone to think long term and what you want to accomplish rather than gobble down a bunch of candy and feel terrible.  If I can do it, you can too!

Smooches!

Well I'm on week 3 of my Back on Track program.  I have to say that I have been disciplined and diligent.  Week 3 is when I enter into the "maintenance" phase while still focusing on losing.  Needless to say, allowing a few carbs scares me.  I know that as long as I keep carbs down, I don't crave things.  I tend to be a black and white girl so the gray area's freak me out.  I am down about 17 lbs. and continue to count everything on My Fitness Pal.  I have asked my husband for a "Fitbit" for my birthday on 11/11.  I am told it works well with the My Fitness Pal application.

Goal for the week: 
- stay on track with food/carbs (log everything and drink, drink, drink)
- exercise 3 times (I'm just starting out) - walking 3 miles
- try on "skinny" jeans weekly
- weigh on Mondays only
- do not allow myself a pity party - nothing good comes from that

Went to my surgeon's support group last night and the only feeling I had was shame.  All these newbies and want-to-be newbies talking about their glorious days and months with the weight just melting off.  Don't get me wrong, I was happy for them.  Ahhhh, I remember those days with fondness.

This is not the world of the regainers however.  I felt like the leaders weren't quite sure what to do with me.  I just sat and listened.  Didn't offer any advice or input at all.  I felt bad like I was sitting in the corner.  Like a child who hadn't behaved and was scolded.  Now don't get me wrong, no one scolded me but myself.  Every minute of everyday I scold ME.

I am on Day 2 of the BSC Back on Track program.  I am really working to get back in the groove, to pull out my tool and dust it off.  On a great note, a man called and it seems I won the Click Protein prize package from the conference.  Fabulous news and I choose to look at it like a good omen of things to come. 

One of the problems I have is trying to figure out what to fix my husband for dinner.  He is a big boy and is capable of doing this himself but I need to buy things that are quick and easy.  My diet will be pretty basic so I don't need much besides chicken, fish, cottage cheese, eggs, etc.  Him on the other hand.....

It has been such a long time and so much has happened.  My oldest son passed away suddenly in December of 2010.  I believe my last post was mentioning he moved out into a condo with a friend.  Long story short, he had moved into his own apartment.  3 months later he literally dropped dead due to cirrohsis of the liver caused by 10 years of Prednisone he had to take to live.  We had absolutely no idea his liver was fried.  We found out the next day when he didn't meet me for Christmas shopping.  Very sad.  Needless to say, weight loss took a dramatic backseat.  I loved him so much and he was truly Mama's boy.  I love you Brandon and miss you every single day of my life.

I am sitting here writing this while at the 2012 Atlanta Obesity Help conference.  I am so very glad I came.  I have been on Weight Watchers for several weeks and I'm just not seeing the results.  I have decided I need to go back to the basics....protein, water, protein, exercise, protein, vitamins, etc.  I know that works and I will do it by God.  The WW is going bye-bye.  I know what I need to do.

Weight Watchers is just too many carbs.  Carbs are NOT my friend.  They taste oh so good but keep me from reaching my goals so here I sit at 239 lbs. up from 175 lbs.  My clothes don't fit and I'm just sick about it.  Enough feeling sad, I am taking the bull by the horns and kicking its a*s. 

On a good note, I took my Project Management exam in July and now have my PMP credentials.  My goal at this point is to get a handle on the weight and get certified to lead an Obesity Surgery support group.  There are none in Lawrenceville, GA where I live so I believe it will keep me accountable and also provide a source of interest outside of work. 

If you are reading this, please keep me in your prayers as I need all the help I can get and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  When I'm weak he is strong and that will keep me on the straight and narrow.  Sweet dreams my Obesity buddies. 

Well here we are in 2010!  Wow - twenty-ten as we call it at work.  I have made absolutely no progress towards my 140 lb. goal.  I really need a swift kick and a large man with a bat to follow me around and "whack" me whenever I even look at a carb or sweets.  I feel like I can see the goal but it is wayyyy far off. 

Exercise - None
Protein Drinks - None
Supplements - None

I've been pretty stressed lately which doesn't allow for a fabulous determination to follow a program.  I'm past my "nasty" part of the year which pretty much starts about mid-November and runs till the new year.  I'm not referring to food, I'm talking my mood.  I get a combination of depression and aggitation.  Just wishing it could all be over with a blink of my eyes.  For whatever reason its NOT an enjoyable season for me.  I like Thanksgiving ok and have never been one to gorge on that day.  The rest is all too stressful.  Who is coming over, who can't stand to be around whom, where are we all going, who won't be able to come, you name it.  Its just not a good time of the year for me.

My oldest son (26 years old) moved out the day after Thanksgiving into a condo with a friend from work.  I worry about him (lots of issues following 2 brain tumor surgeries and many meds).  I was excited he was able to be "on his own".  I had a teary hour following leaving him there after we got his room set up but then I was fine.  My husband and I joked about running around the house naked.  We still have our middle son's girlfriend living with us (she is 19) but between cosmetology school and work we don't see her very often.

That means our 20 year old has moved out, our 23 year old is out and now our 26 year old is out.  They are all gainfully employed and not in trouble - life is grand. 

My husband of almost 30 years lost his job with Merck after 28 years of employment and is working a seasonal job at Macy's at Mall of GA.  We lost approx 55% of our household income - ouch!  That is always there in the back of my mind, praying my job remains secure and safe.  Everyone is healthy - thank God!

I am looking for info on the 5 day pouch test and will use that to "get back on track".  It is all too familiar to know what I need to do and not do it.  Craziness! 

The wine is not my friend.  It is sooooo easy to use it to not feel everything - much like food used to do.  I will go days without it and then say the heck with it and suck down a big 'ole bottle in one evening.  You don't have to tell me thats bad - I've kind of figured that out.  ha ha  Just to be sure my husband reminds me often.  Trust me folks, I know.

I had to quit going to my fantastic counselor the end of October.  I have seen her weekly since like May of 2008.  At first it really pissed me off that I had to pay someone to listen to me and then came the freedom that I could tell her anything and there was no judgement, no fear she would tell 3 other people, etc.  I could just discuss how I felt about things that bother me.  I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky person (thus the nickname Joyful) but sometimes I just don't feel very Joyful.  On a bad day I find myself changing my name on my auto-signature at work to read Joy just because I'm in no mood to be any kind of Joyful.  The next day I'm usually back "up" again and I change it back to Joyful. 

I would like to attend a support group but I either end up checking on the ones that meet seldom and most members have not attended in years or I end up contacting the "Nazi-leaders" who want me to commit to being there every single week or I'm not committed.  I travel with my job at times and there is no way I can be there every single week.  Sorry commander in chief. 

As a rule I hate resolutions!  Sounds too much like my pre-surgery days when every resolution meant starting another non-successful diet that lasted till after Valentines if I was extremely determined.  This used to drive me nuts because I was ALWAYS on a diet at Valentines Day.  I could never have the chocolates, I was on a stupid diet - ha ha.  Isn't that Alanis Morrisette ironic or what!  Where was I????  Oh yes, resolutions (or the lack there of I should say).  Maybe I'll try I WILL's.  As in, I WILL exercise even if it is an exercise DVD in my bedroom, or a spin on the WII fit collecting dust under the entertainment center, or my Leslie somebody's walk in-doors DVD.....if you are reading this I know you have your own collection of such things.

I recently bought a (are you ready for this) belly dancing instructional DVD.  I figured, hey, I have belly!  This could be for me.  I WILL open the damned thing and shake what my mama gave me. 
I WILL move the WII to the bedroom (my version of my cave) since our 3 sons haven't used it for Rock Band since like Labor Day. 
I WILL change the inner tubes in my grandma bike tires so as soon as it starts getting warm, I'm ready to roll. 
I WILL purchase a helmet so I don't bang my brains out on the last I WILL.
I WILL take the brand spankin' new mini-fridge to my office and stock it with healthy "stuff" like bottled water, string cheese and sliced deli turkey breast. 
I WILL not go to the nifty little cafe in our office building every day I'm in the office.  I don't need to spend that money anyway (remember the 55% household income loss?). 
I WILL dust off my Isopure Protein Powder and choke some down every morning - hey, they don't expect us to believe if we close our eyes and click our heals together it tastes like a McDonalds milk shake. 
I WILL take the vitamins, calcium, iron, etc. I paid a mint for and still have in the hall closet. 
I WILL give clothes away as soon as they look too big - no contingency plan for failure. 

Needless to say, I have a few pounds left to use and I WILL get this off.  No resolve, just gonna do it. 

Joy (sometimes not so Joyful)