J. R
O.K. here goes....I am a 33 old year old woman who is sooooo tired of being uncomfortable.... I am so lucky to have the husband that I do, although I take him for granted and should probably tell him more how much I appreciate him. We have been together for the past ten years, but dated before in high school.... when we met ( in high school ) I was thin ( about 155 and I am 5"10 ) and we dated for about 2 years on and off..... once I graduated we split and married other people, both had children, then 4 days after I left my hubby at the time, and 4 months after he left his wife, we ran into each other at a local club. At that time I was the Center Manager of a Nutri System in Abilene, Texas and was at the smallest I have ever been, weighing about 140, which is actually too thin for my height,but hey.... Those were the best times of my life. I remember it all so well!!!! Those are the days I want back. I miss who I was and I feel like somewhere along the way this weight gain has ruined my spirit.... I was very popular in high school and up until about the age 29 I could have had my choice of men, always got complements, people staring at me all the time.... Now, they barely look! I miss being the center of attention and I know that I will never look like that again, but if I could even get close I would never take it for granted again... I used to be such a snob, made fun of fat people in high school, so you could say I got what I deserved!!!! I have been so humbled by this and am such a different person. I would never judge others because now I know what it feels like to be on the other side and can't believe how mean I was before. What they say is true you know, God doesn't like ugly.... and what comes around goes around.... I am such a good example of that.... I started getting heavy and my hubby said nothing.... I know now that it bothered him being that when we got together I looked so very different.... I always believed that it was not fair for him.... I don't know how I would feel about him if he were to get large, so how fair was I being to him.... He was such a good sport! Never complained and always tried to tell me how beautiful I was ( although I knew better ) Then my mom ( who is perfect!!! and always thin ) got my imm. family together to have what I guess you would call a little mini intervention... it was awful! she said they were scared I was gonna die, but I just felt like they were embarrassed by me, cause everyone in my immediate family is pretty attractive and really health conscience .... so it made me feel really bad.... I just got really angry and blew up and basically told everyone to mind their own business!!!! I have a wonderful, sweet, angel of a son named Alexander.... and sometimes he used to cry and tell me how he is scared I am gonna die and he couldn't bare losing me..... THAT really got to me and made me start thinking..... Then on Sept. 11 2007, I got a call that would change my life and break my heart forever. My best friend of 19 years ( the beautiful blonde in the pics with me ) was found dead in her
closet.... she had hung herself.... she had called me the night she did it and I didn't answer the phone, cause I didn't want to talk.... WOW, what a mistake!!!! She was my soulmate.... the one person who NEVER judged me.... the one who thought I was as beautiful now as I was then.... she was the greatest gift besides my son in my entire life....so real, so true, and what went wrong? I never saw it coming... Then to top it all off when I am thinking I can't take much more and I should just end it all myself.... I find out that my granny whom was like a mother to me and helped raise me had terminal stomach cancer and would die within months... and she did.... she passed from this earth on Dec. 17th, 2007..... during all of this my weight is topping out at 311 and I am at my wits end.... my hubby is miserable, not just cause of my size but because I am so different because of my size..... I WILL NOT have sex... uhhh uhh... no way... I am so ashamed of what I have done to my body... How did I get here? Do I have that little self respect and self control? well just when I think I can't take any more I get a call from my mom telling me that my granny had left me the money to have bariatric surgery....as I have NO insurance cause I am self employed. I was so overjoyed and so emotional... that this sweet, wonderful woman...would think of me and my health as she is diminishing in hers.... How selfless can one person be.... She told my mother that all she wanted was for me to be happy and healthy and she knew this could change my life!!!! Thank you my granny.... you are my angel..... so now I have a new reason to live.... my son and to make my granny and my Pammy very proud... cause I know there looking down on me and God has not one, but two precious angels in heaven now 
.... I know I will be o.k. now and I feel there presence all around me rooting me on...... This is the first part of my story.... I will write more tomorrow about my wonderful Dr. Walton and my experiences there..... Thanks for reading my story!
