Over a year since i last posted

Feb 07, 2010

The good news is I'm down to my ideal weight. I completed my first Marathon last week and next week I'll be competing in my first Triathlon. NOT!

Truth is I'm heavier now than I've ever been. Surgery hasn't worked for me. Not that i blame the surgery, it just wasn't the right choice for me. Even with the restriction I wouldn't stop eating. I'd eat, purge, then eat again. The only thing that would stop me eating was the discomfort in my throat from the constant purging.

Like I've done so many times before I did lose wait the old fashioned way a few months ago. I didn't diet, i just reduced my portion sizes and made a few modifications. I lost about 40 pounds. As usual i put it all back on and then some.

The only good news is my body continues to get stronger. When I had the surgery i was nearly crippled by the weight. I couldn't stand for more than a minute nor could I walk very far. Even though I'm significantly heavier now my body has adapted again. Everything still hurts but I am more mobile.

What next? I guess I'll try again to lose weight with the reduced portion and better choices method. I just need to get it through my thick head that this needs to be a permanent change and not a short term thing.

It's been a while

Dec 17, 2008

Well here i am almost six months later and I'm back to square one. I've pretty much gained all the weight back and i think its safe to say my weight loss attempt / procedure was a failure. That isn't a knock on the procedure or my doctor. Its a knock on me.  I now know I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to give up my only comfort in life. Where do i go from here? I don't know. I'm going to play it by ear for now.

Finally, just a note to say I'm reducing my on line presence a bit. I have a presence on other web based mediums and I've found there is a little too much information about me out there. I'm taking a step back across the board. For this site it means I'm removing the majority of my personal information and my pictures. I thought about deleting my account but i think its important to share my experiences with others. Good or bad.
1 comment


Aug 17, 2008

I had my first fill about a week ago and I'm more uncertain now about my weight loss future than I have ever been. I don't feel full after eating but then again I don't feel hungry. Full to me has always been that "I'm going to explode feeling" after going to an all u can eat buffet. I haven't tested my limits completely yet but I’m pretty sure I could eat a lot of food if I wanted to .Then there’s this whole stomach hunger versus head hunger thing. I really don't remember the last time my stomach told me it was hungry. I'm now coming to the scary conclusion that head hunger has always been my problem. It seems obvious to me now that this is the case, I'm just frustrated with myself that it took all this time and effort to come to this conclusion. At this point I feel the surgery was pointless.

Nothing new

Aug 08, 2008

I really have nothing to blog about but it's been a while and I thought I should publish something. I'm anxiously waiting for my first fill next week since I've gained back 20 of the 50 pounds I originally lost. As usual my knees and back are the first to feel the extra weight.


Jul 25, 2008

Seems like I don't need as much sleep as I used to. I'm assume its directly related to my weight loss and improved mood. Before all of this I was a big time napper during the day. In fact I slept so much it was unhealthy. I still nap but its less frequent and shorter in duration.

In other news, I'm in my 3rd month of unemployment. Jobs are pretty scarce right now but just this past week I picked up two firm job leads. Its perfect timing since I finally feel physically and mentally ready to go back to work.

3 weeks since surgery

Jul 23, 2008

and I had my first post op appt with my Dr. Jessee. She says I'm well ahead of the weight loss curve and my incisions are healing very nicely. I told her that I had gained some weight back since surgery but she didn't seem too concerned. She said it’s common for people to regain weight during the puree phase.

One thing I neglected to mention to Dr. Jessee was the numbness in my left leg. I had periodic numbness, pain, and buckling in both my legs before I started on this WLS journey. My PCP told me it would get better as I lost weight. Well the numbness in my left leg has actually gotten worse. My left thigh is now permanently numb and depending on my body position it can also be very painful. Maybe this is something I should run by my PCP.


Jul 19, 2008

In a previous post I stated I could eat any amount of anything, I was wrong, very wrong. I have found out the hard way over the last week or so that there are some foods that just won't stay down. Despite all the unpleasant experiences I keep trying. Just today I went to an all you can eat buffet and loaded my plate up with food I can't eat. After the first few bites I was in the bathroom purging. The saddest thing is I went back to my plate and tried again.

Now, there are plenty of foods I can eat and boy have I been eating them. I didn't think I could gain weight on the puree diet but I have. I can't accurately weigh myself but I think I've gained 15lbs back since surgery. I'm really growing to dislike this period between surgery and the first fill. I want the restriction now before all my positive gains diminish.

Emotional yo-yo

Jul 15, 2008

One day I’m down in the dumps the next I feel like I can take on the world. The difference isn't even subtle it’s drastic, it’s like I’m a completely different person. Despite discovering I can eat anything I took steps today to bring my diet back under control. I'm back on the prescribed diet of full liquids and purees. I've come too far to see the scales climb again.

It didn't stay that way

Jul 14, 2008

Hungers back and I can't satisfy it. I'm supposed to be on puree diet for another two weeks but I've discovered that I can eat any amount of anything. Basically I can eat the way I ate before surgery. I'm afraid I'm going to regain the 50 pounds I've lost already before they add saline to my band 4 weeks from now. Seems to me that I'm ready for a fill now.

I'm back

Jul 07, 2008

Sorry to my family and friends for not posting sooner. To summarize the events of the last week... I had the surgery on July 2nd, spent the night in the hospital then came home the very next day. Everything went very well, the hospital was great, staff was nice, pain was minimal and post-op I appear to be progressing along just nicely.

There was one hiccup in my recovery. For a couple days over the long weekend I became very depressed. I took to my bed and didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. Didn't take me long to realize I was missing food and the comfort it brought me. It took a couple days but the depression lifted and my spirits are now generally higher than they usually are.

The absolute best news is I'm not hungry. When I do eat I'm satisfied. I hope it stays this way.

About Me
Surgery Date
May 20, 2008
Member Since

Friends 7

Latest Blog 18
Nothing new
3 weeks since surgery
Emotional yo-yo
It didn't stay that way
I'm back