my job...

Jul 16, 2009

as i sit here (yup at work) i am struggling with a migraine, but my coworker (who is oncall today so is the main person responsible) is at a doctors appointment and no one knows when she will be in. So i had 2 choices i could call in, which is what i really wanted to do, or i could drag myself in here to handle the pt visit i know we have this morning, well you know what i choose. I asked if we could get stuffy ready early so i could leave since the pt appointment isnt until 9AM and i need to take drugs before then, but NO! So i am sitting here in pain AND SO FLIPPIN MAD! I hate this place, i hate everyone in it.
This place is standing in the way of my going back to school, as in EVER. becasue of my schedule, and being oncall for 2 weeks per month, i cant and never will be able to go to school for what i want (its not the kinda thing you can do online).

So as i sit and stew on all this, i am getting the overwheling urge to QUIT! Give proper notice and leave! This job will never let me go follow my dreams, it will never be convient for them or a good time for me to quit so why not now...i am already signed up for school on August 3rd but was going to contact them and try to delay my attendance date but as i sit here in pain and mad i ask myself WHY...Why wait? I know all the logical reasons for not quiting a job in this economy, for not quitting when i am so broke, but i am often broke and the ecomony, i cant control that and lord only knows when/if it will get better. in the mean time my surgery has made me have to look at things and deal with them or freak out (yes, i have really freaked out several times when i let something go that i should have faced head on).

I am realizing i need to do more to feed my soul (not stomach), i need to allow myself time and pleasure and the things i want, i can no longer live in a place where self denial is daily. I have to look at my goals, my hobbies/interests and pursue them all. I cant stuff my creativity down, it must come out. So i think i am going to quit my job.

Maybe after i take my migraine meds i will calm down and feel differently but i have honestly been thinking about this since BEFORE surgery and its only intensified since then....

Have you been here before or are you going through this now? Yours thoughts and words are a blessing to me!
Much love
JP

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