juicyprincess

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Well, its the strangest thing, i have been hungry lately and that worried me until i realized i could now drink my protein shakes (yep, got 2 down yesterday). I think getting in my 3 a day will take that hunger right back out. I am proud of the choices i make in my eating and my choice to try and be as active as possible, maybe a new me is a great thing, maybe the new me will be busy driven and motivated. I have had more energy and i have been happier yet grumpier.
I think carbs will be a problem for me for a very long time and i plan on avoiding them for a bit. I bought these gensoy crisps a friend thought might help with my protein, yeah they are something i would eat too much of, especially the cheese flavor. I did buy some Curry cashews...mmmm and those are good because i limit myself just becasue they are too hot (i have like 3). I have still been too chicken to try meat, i will try soon. Eggs work though! I have been getting in all my multivits, most of my calcium (well not the 4500mg doctor wants, the 1500mg i feel like i can get in that is common with other pts), and vitamin d (well most days on that one). I will add back the iron in a week or 2 since the protein issues seems to be resolved (fixing 1 thing at a time).
Work still sucks, but isnt that how must people feel. on the flip side, pray for me because it looks like a class for massage will open up at the end of this month that will totally work with my work schedule and that would mean i could start a new career and just work here part time until i was established! That is so exciting to me.
i went for a bike ride the other day for 30 minutes, i got home and hubby wanted to go for a jog (while i ride) so we took off and he set this goal for a store a ways from our house i thought i couldnt make it, it would be too far, but decided to try. worst case senerio he would have to jogg home and get the car and pick me up. well we got there and i was like WOW, look at me go, we got home and looked it had taken about 2 hours but i did it. 2 & 1/2 hr bike ride in one day!!! I felt so proud and ACCOMPLISHED! on that note i finished (well now i have to add embelishments) my first sewing project, a purse and i again felt like...WOW, i am getting  stuff done! I have been keeping my kitchen so clean, my bedroom more tidy, i organized my top shelfs in a large pantry area of my kitchen (its to the ceiling in our tall ceiling house, i was standing on a chair that didnt creek or break). I have played in the sun with my baby boy, i have kept our bathroom clean (helped our family do this). i didnt realize how tired/lazy/unmotivated i was before and now...i just go go go! It gives me a good feeling about me and what i do and who i am (or might be). My baby and i also trimmed some bushes and trees and then drove the lawn tractor cart to dump our debris! I feel like the fricking energizer bunny (well not exactly but compared to my baseline).
I need to post pictures but i dont really see too much change except in my face. i know there is some though because guys are checking me out while driving again (some days) and that is funny because i realize how invisible fat people really are. it is only in the past 4 yrs or so that i became invisible and i didnt want to think about it but now, that i get head turns again, i cant ignore it.
Well that is definately enough for now!
xoxo

WEll, it went better then i feared. the nurse was actually pretty nice (suprise), she didnt say anything about my having eating food, not much about my being behind in the vitamins and supported my goal just being the protein for now. She awnsered a lot of my questions. I have lost an official and exact 50lbs to date! It appeared to slow in the last week or 2 but who cares! She recomended staying off the scale and i think i shall obey. I am now released for full physical activity so last night we went for a bike ride with lots more hills and i climbed each one!! I am going to make a plan for exercise including bike riding, walks, wii fit, and maybe some videos (i am thinking a belly dancing dvd sounds great to me).
I have been treating myself to a hot bubble bath several  nights a week and i cannot tell you how much i enjoy them, i was just htinking how much better then food it felt!
My husband has been calling me "cutie", "hot mama", and "sexy and he means it now and i love it!
Life is good!

Well, its been good, its been bad its been. I have gone back and forth in my feelings about having had the surgery. My husband has mostly been positive since he cant believe how quickly I am getting so small. but when i am sick (nauseated and complaining), he wishes i hadnt done it. I think i have moved past those feelings now.
I still cant seem to get protein shakes down, and if i get them down they hurt my tummy for a good 45 mintues and then i feel sick for a while still. I have tried lots of tricks. I am still going to keep trying but for now, i am just backing off a little for a little while. A new friend made me some SF protein pudding, i can eat that, but not really enough to get enough protein, i am just feeling like every little bit helps. I tried a tiny piece of egg today (whites) and so far so good. I had some fage yogurt last night (less then 1/2 oz). i am just focusing on protein that isnt in a shake for now. Possibly this weekend i will give the shakes another go. I did take a few vitamins yesterday and might again today (depending on how i feel).
Work is work ( a four letter word). I have discussed with my boss and coworker trading hrs with her, she is only alloted 24 hrs per week BUT has been working 32 hrs per week for over a year, when upper managemnt was asked if she could lock in those hours, they said no. I have a 35hr alloted hr per week schedule but have only been about to work around 25 hrs a week to date (I cant help that i need my nap). So my boss seemed supportive, my coworker did not. Right now she has the best of both worlds (she can work 32hrs/wk if she wants BUT doesnt have to). i am going to push this issue. For me i could get in serious trouble if i contine working short hours after my FMLA has expired. I also want to go back to school. there is a class in september but i wont be ready financially or probably physically. the next class starts in March and i HOPE to be financially ready for that one, at a worse case senerio i could go Sept 2010 (ugh). I need a different career. Responsibility be damned MY SOUL needs feeding now that i am not feeding my gut! So if  i can get part time hours, i can hopefully work and go to school at the same time. THE SCARY PART...medical insurance. I cover my family through work, we would end up going self insure when i graduate and begin working as a massage therapist. SO HERE OS HOPING President Obama gets HealthCare Insurance through, becasue as it  is now, i think covering my kids, husband and self would cost me a 2-3 thousand a month (rough estimates from friends). I think i could get away with 1 thousand to 1500 if i worked enough (getting started in massage therapy takes a second). But AGAIN, i need to do this for me, for my own happiness, i need to put this first. My current job/career is and has been eating away at me, making me eat away. My dietician pointed this out and said its pretty common cause for people to eat who are miserable in their job, its what most of their time is spent doing, so if you are not happy with it, you are mostly not happy. (most of the time). GOD will help me find a way to make this work, i just know it!
What else? the unofficial weight is 233???
well, gotta run, thats enough for now anyway, right.

Hey I found this tool before surgery and was looking for it a week or so ago, it took some looking but i found it (its like OH burried it). I was talking to a friend about it last night and thought all my friends might like it. It shows how your weight loss might slow and its a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect...
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/information/post+op+planner.php

Oh, you will have to copy and paste, it wont work just clicking on it...if that doesnt work search "whats your BMI and goal weight" i think that was how i found it...
Let me know what you think?
Thanks,
JP

At my 2 week f/u i was weighed at 244 (from a starting of 282, and just before surgery 274.
Still nausated beyond all expectation! Nothing is helping and still cant get the protein shakes in, and when i do, i want to die i get so sick (and thats as of week 3+).
Well, here is to hoping it gets better soon. i really have been regretting my decision only because i am so damn sick, i know when i feel better, i will be glad i did it!

Well, i am getting that water down nicely (3liters) but i notice my pee is still fairly colored, i will have to talk to dr s about this on Thursday. I am doing my best with the suppliments now, i am getting a little more then half the multivit, i am getting at least 1 of the 2 iron (some days both), i have been taking my D, and yesterday i got 3000 of my calcium in (only 1500 behind)...this is progress and i am pleased with myself...That said the protein is still a major problem. i am thankful vitalday posted to me and i am going to go in there today and try some very thin protein (nectar) and something thin and flavorless to add to crystal light. see which one i can get down (GOD I HOPE 1 WORKS).
i went to a BBQ yesterday and it wasnt too hard. I drank my water, sat and visited my friends. i relaxed listening to music, i went for walk. i did eat about 1/8 oz beans (refried not baked) which was like 2 bites for me. i did it to get my iron down, it works and i dont feel bad. the hamburgers looked amazing so i just left the area where they were. the only other problem for me was the home made from scratch carrot cake with cream cheese frosting...i couldnt leave because it was a birthday cake for a friend, but proves to me that bakery goods are still my problem and will probably always be. it scares me, i wanted it so bad, but i felt proud, i didnt sniff it, didnt lick it didnt anything and the feeling passed (they ran out of cake actually). I am not sure how to safe guard against this in the future other then to bake my own SF versions and bring. this would totally go against my surgeons advice of like no carbs ever again (flour, etc). but i need to find a way to work and life my life without drooling on those eating, i also dont trust myself to go a life time like that, i think eventually i would give in. i dont feel bad about that, its my addiction and i need to find a way to work around it. sure, hopefully someday i wont be so fixated on food and would be able to pass on principal alone, but i doubt it, this surgery didnt change my brain and though i hope to change it myself, like all addiction there is relapse...
i will just have to figure this out!
i have a little more energy but not much motivation, i go for walks but find myself sitting because in truth i am tired, just not brain tired.
i have my 2 week follow up on thursday and am excited to see my weight loss to date. i am nervous about my infusion tomorrow...
well, not much else for now...oh but my yeast infection wont go away so today i am going to take a diflucan!
I have a strange rash that i need looked at too but i will just have dr s look since i see him thursday (2 days from now).

Well, the nausea seems to be holding on but slowly slipping (so slowly). yesterday i was finally brave enough to take my prevacid solutab, and added a little extra gross to my tummy but i held it down, so i repeated it again today. this afternoon or tonight i am going to add 1 multivitatmin and see how we do with that and just slowly progress up.
I still really need to work on my water intake, i thought i did pretty good yesterday but then when i realized i only peed ad few times and it was fairly strong colored i knew i was still short. Its a work in progress for sure.
i have enjoyed the cool weather, it helps me feel more like being up and around (walking) and going outside, i dont feel like i want to be near the sun right now.
I am nervous about my infusion tomorrow since i am still probably dehydrated and puke feeling. but i am going to make myself go.
Something strange i have noticed, the excema i always have on my ring finger is GONE...as it totally gone, not just a little better or even a lot better, it aint there! 
My husband says he can already see my face is so much thinner. i havent gotten on a scale, i dont know where mine is and i believe my wii fit board is too heavy for me to lift. I am in no hurry, i can wait another week till post op week 2 follow up with surgeon.
I find i am feeling a little hungry these day (began yesterday), what i wouldnt give for some pureed carrots or mashed potatoes or pureed califlower, just something. The other big thing i find my mouth watering over is meat and cheese...
this will be an interesting and hard 4 weeks of clear liquids let me tell you! I begin protein tomorrow but am not looking forward to it, everything tastes too sweet right now, everything. I am diluting my crystal light packs into 4ths and adding a little lemon wedge because they are too sweet. i clearly remember how gaggy sweet the protein is.
S.A.R.A gave me some unjury chicken broth flavor and that might just save the day for me, since i know it wont be sweet. Funny i was always a sweets girl and here were are and i neve want anything sweet again (at this point at least).
I accidnetally slept on my tummy last night, i hope that is ok. I must be feeling better since i rolled in my sleep to that position twice last night.
i have a flipping yeast infection and since i dont really want to take any crushed up pills (gag) i opted for the  messy inserts for 7 days...ugh! 
I really regreted my decision even the mornning of surgery (just before) then a lot of regret immediately after, i kept thinking "WTF did i just do". But i am getting more comfortable with it as i begin to feel better. I also wont allow myself to think that though, i avoid it for now. i tell myself, "deal with it later, deal with that feeling later, right now deal with feeling better with walking, with trying to be comfortable, with getting in water, with walking and showering...that is enough to deal with for now".
Well, on that note,i need to get up off my butt and walk around!
much love to all my friends here on OH, you are really the best!

I called dr srikanth and confirmed i needed the infusions now, before surgery (i dont know what i was thinking). i called and a since i am friends with the ladies in that department they got me in today and then again on Tuesday, they personally wanted to make sure i got 2 sets before surgery (they love me, feels good). but again, i was feeling dizzy today and when i got there, it was fun until she set the IV, i felt a little faint, but as i struggled to overcome it, i said "Oh, i am gonna faint", she called for another nurse and they got me cold rags, water and 7up. they lost me after a few seconds though, i just couldnt fight it, it was only one sec. then i was ok a little nausated and still shaky and dizzy, but i started to come around, i took a drink of the 7 up (which is a no-no but it did help). then wouldnt ya know, my vessel blew (my vein blew) and i missed out on the last 10 mls. i had the option of having a new line placed and getting it, but i figured i got over 50 ml's so i would be fine and i didnt really feel like i was up for it again, i thought i misght pass out. (again). I felt much better but still a little off. my hubby drove me (thank god). we went to get new protein powder because i am tired of what i have (chcolate and vanilla and chicken) so i got sraweberry  from vitalady. we got home and he  hugged me and was swinging me a itltle from side to side and i realized i was about to pass out again! so i am in my glasses (took contacts out) and jammies and in my bedroom. i am hoping to fall asleep and therefore rest my system for the night.
my boss is being weird about my being out, and wanted me to check in tomorrow (" maybe after your infusion you will feel better and be able to make it in"). i am going to call her tomorrow and tell her, i wont be back until after surgery. my friend in the infusion area said "baby, you dont look like you have any business running around, you color is all gone and you seem unsteady, you just be at home resting"...since this is a nurse i trust a LOT and someone i see a bit (not in 2 weeks though) and she said this BEFORE i passed out, i am gong to take her, my husband, my friends and you OH friends advice and i am staying home till its all over.
i guess i am not just not as tuff as i always thought i was, eh? I had this strange moment as i was fighting to stay in my body (not pass out) where panic hit hard and i said "What are you doing? why are you doing this? You are gonna die!" now, let me say, i dont really believe that, but the fear was so strong in that moment. maybe it was just the reminder that there will be pain, or there could be complications and this aint no walk in the park. i didnt really like that fear. we agreeed the fainting was probably because i am basically in a  "fasting" mode and i always pass out when i get blood drawn or iv's when fasting...its super gross too!
well, that was it for my exciting today. everyday brings something new. today i got great complients from friends (thanks AMY and S.A.R.A) and my huband is being so considerate, so gently and caring, so patient and interested! 
Well, i am gonna log off and try to take a nap, might log back on later tonight!
much love
Jami

i had my final surgical consult today. it went fast, i asked all my questions. bad news, i am low on iron again, this time, i am getting infusions... of them...this was something i had actually prayed to not happen, but here we are. GOD, i hope this isnt a sign of the way life will be after, filled with infusions. i reviewed the paperwork that he attached for my post op infusions,  my bone density was good, i guess my thyroid is off but it says to follow up with my pcp but this was not discussed with me at all..? I think its really only borderline so i assume my pcp got the results but didnt think they were not clinically siginficant? it said i had elevated calcium, but that makes sense because of the iron. also the notes about how to take my oral iron (yep need that too) dont match what the pharmacy did...i am going to have to call tomorrow.
on a different note, i feel crazy, i am having a hard time holding it together. i am so hungry, so tired and now my period is here and heavy. I feel ultracrabby, ultralazy and really not here, like sort of a distored reality. hubby thinks i should stay home from work, but i dont know how work will feel about that. honestly this low cal thing is making it very hard for me to funtcion..today i went to the surgeons office and couldnt remember where it was, i tried the 3rd floor, then i was sure it was the 2nd, then my hubby asked a person where it was and turns out it was on the first floor on the OTHER side of the building from where i had been looking...i have been to this office 3x and i was that lost. i keep losing words, its just bad.
so i want to stay home, i think i should, but i dont know how work will feel...
this just sucks. this is misery..
only 6 more days to go!

OK, I had planned to go liquid on Saturday but yeah...i slipped and had dinner. I really dont feel bad about it, i have never eaten at the Melting Pot and i had always wanted. Its sorta pricy and so i dont imagine i will want to go after WLS since you can only eat a tiny bit anyway. I had been shopping all day with my auntie and i had been liquid all day, but refused to pass on this (besides, i kept thinking..."the paperwork says liquids for 10 days). Sunday i did fairly well except i had some nachos, damn my hubby for brining those into the house...they are a favorite of mine. But after eating the nacho...i got so sick, diarrhea, stomach cramps and indigestion.
Yesterday i was so hungry i couldnt stand it, but i did. today seems to be a little bit better. I woke up feeling sick though, just pain everywhere, and nauseated, this is how i feel when i get too hungry...never knew that! Taken my suppliments like a good girl. I had my support group meeting last night (TTNT) and was really glad i did. It was great having everyone be so excited for me, hearing more about foamies etc. have meet some amazing ladies there! I made a new friend and stayed after the meeting for over an hour, she is even giving me her chicken broth flavored protein powder that she cant use anymore (gags her). It was great hearing her whole story! 
My  bestfriend posted an AMAZING picture, even my hubby had to say how good she looked! that is totally motivational.
I totally hate my job, but am begining to feel grateful again, i have amazing insurance that covers so much stuff, so much at 100 percent that others pay a portion of. I am going to try and dedicate myself back to it for a while because after wls i guess i cannot really risk my medical insurance. I will figure the rest out later, maybe when Obama gets national health insurance i can think about leaving, but i really am feeling loved today and valued by my system. they offer low cost health insurance to use and cover like everything. that is showing appreciation to me!
I did get a pretty bad headache last night, i was surprise sort of, but then again fasting (or even sort of fasting) can be a common trigger for them. so i took my medicine and went to bed (it makes me fall asleep anyway). I am hoping to avoid a headache today!!!
Peppermint tea is so my friend, it is warm, tastes good and makes me feel like i am getting a tiny treat (its sweet).
my home made broths are amazing. i had a whole chicken in the crock with carrots, potatoes, celery, cilantro, parsley, onions, garlic and some herbs...i used cheese cloth to separate the broth from the rest and my family ate the whole food while i enjoyed some deeply favored and filling broth. last night i put a pot roast in with the same stuff, should be good!!!
just trying to take it 1 day at a time! i am getting nervous. i wish my friend would call me, she is an ICU nurse and was going to be with me at the hospital but so far, i havent been able to reach her, she is supposed to get back into town tomorrow, but i dont know if she will be able to get May 13th off since that will be only 14 days notice to her work....Here is to praying for it!
I am also blessed my hubby went to church on sunday and i even got blessed (they do it every week ,but i felt like i needed it this week).
WOW...life is sure crazy!