Mar 26, 2009

I've been at goal for a week now. Wow, I just can't believe it! I don't think it has actually sunk in yet. I've been working so hard to get here and IS here.


I know the proper answer is Maintain, make new goals, yadda ,yadda. But emotionally, now what? You know? I just never thought I would be in this 'place'. I guess it can be quite an adjustment. I'm glad I have so many friends now who help me adjust.

I've always been certain that just because I've had this surgery doesn't mean only good things will come my way! I knew and still know that what happens in life happens on life's terms. Not on my tems! That I have to take the good with the bad no matter what phase or stage of life I'm in.

I've learned there are good stresses and bad stresses. I have a lot on my plate these days and most of them are very, very good to Fantastic! But I am dealing with some emotional things that are all happening at once.

An example of a good stress is>>>>>

My eldest daughter, Jessica, is FINALLY getting married after being with Elias for eight years, having two kids together and living together six years! July 11th is theee day! I'm so excited for their little family! I bought a gown for the wedding. It's a size 8! AND it's NOW too big!!! So, if the taylor can't take it in, it's off to find a new one!

Another example of good stress is >>>>

My husband's Army Unit has been deployed for a year. I'm the Chairperson of his Unit's Family Readiness Support Group. They are coming HOME SATURDAY!!! I have lots of planning to make and a lot of educating and support to give.

An example of a bad stress is >>>>

My father, who's the eldest of seven childen, is a recluse and wants nothing to do with anyone. I'm the only one he's welcomed to see and spend any time with. He use to come to my home for a month at a time and spend hours and hours with my grandchildren. Now,,,he seems to be in such a deep depression that he sees no way out of it. He lives in Connecticut. He doesn't want company and he doesn't pick up the phone and won't return my calls anymore. Two of my Uncles (who live the farthest out-of-state) want me to show up at his house and have my Dad committed! I'm so worried about him. He's lost a lot of weight and is so unhealthy. I haven't even seen him since my surgery because he won't see anyone. Not even me! I'm sure I get some of my depressive disorder from my father. I'm grateful to have the wonderful therapist I've had for the past seven years!

Another bad stress is >>>>

My grandmother, Dad's mom, has recently been put into a nursing home. I'm the eldest of all her granchildren. My son, Adam, is the eldest of her great-grandchildren and my grandson, AJ, is the only great-great grandchild she has. The other six of her children are selling her house and allowing everyone to go through her belongings to see if there is anything they want. My Memere and her house have been the ONE and ONLY constant in my life! Even though she used to tell me about my weight, I counted on her always being there. In that house. Ready for anything! Now, she can never go back to it...and neither can I. I'm having a really hard time of all this.

And, yet another bad stress that's been going on for some time now. Basically all my life >>>>

My mother and sister (I have only one sibling). They are dysfunctional to the point of unhealthiness and I choose to be healthy today. Mind and Body. So, I don't have the type of support system from them that I would like. It's hard to say no to disfunction when you've had it your entire life. But DAMN it! I deserve better! And the only one who's gonne make that happen is me!

So I guess this is why, when I'm alone, I feel down.

The other part is...I wish I could share all this with my mother. I miss my mother. I wish she would get help so we could continue our relationship. I miss my dad and I'm worried about my Memere.

I am also thinking I'm not getting enough sleep because of worrying. i already take Cymbalta 60mg a day. It really helps. I'm grateful to my PCM for being so wonderful.

I work out 30-60 minutes in some way or form each and every day. This has helped me stay positive. I hate exercise but I love the endorphins!

I'll see my NUT in a few days. I'm sure I'll be raising my caloric intake to 1,200-1,400 a day easily. I think will also help with my tiredness and will help me deal with things better.

Just a smidgen of things I have to be grateful for...

- I have the most wonderful, loving, supporting husband in the entire Universe! He's my best friend!

- I'm at goal! My pain is so much less and I am so much healthier now than I have been in years! So, why am I feeling down and tired all the time?

- I have great kids! All six of my kids are amazing in their own way!

- I have three beautiful, joyful grandchildren and four adopted grandchildren!

- I have so many friends! I, literally, have 100's of friends I've met since starting this journey! Amazing! Simply Amazing!

- Spring has sprung!

Onward and Upward!



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Surgery Date
Feb 06, 2008
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