I'm scared.

Mar 12, 2023

I know I shouldnt be scared. I have nothing to be scared of but my first appointment with the DR. is tomorrow and i'm scared. However, when I try and really think about what is making me scared it always goes to change. I have been a big women for so long. I know this person, and yes this person isnt the best she can be. She is depressed but she is always know to be the bubbly sunshiny and full of rainbows, but shes not really like that. This wall of fat keeps people away. I crave people and attention but I don't want them to get to close. What happens when the that fat wall is gone? What happens when that wall comes crumbling down? Who am I going to be without the fatness? I am the size of three people if they weighed 150lbs. Is it odd to say I know those two other "me's"? I know who they are, what they represent and how they came in to this world. They have been with me through everything and have kept me safe. How do I say good bye to them? Which brings me back to, I'm scared!!

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