Jupiter6
Why I Post So Much About Food
Apr 16, 2009
Well, it's because I LOVE the stuff. But there's more to the story, and even those of you who were here at the time mightn't be aware of it.I am neither big boned, nor do I have a thyroid condition. I was morbidly obese because I ate lots and lots of food. I used food as a sedative-- I have a very big but kinda twitchy brain, and I adored the sensation of eating a bag of this or that until I was sated and sedated. I was a very big volume eater. I never said no to anything I wanted in my entire life. I never dieted. I ate nothing but crap.
People warned me that food commercials would drive me nuts after surgery, but you can't avoid them-- so I took a different approach-- and decided to leave the Food Network on 24-7! I figured I would become desensitized if I watched it all the time.
Instead-- something else happened-- I developed an interest in food. Not in *eating*-- which is what I used to do-- I bought the same ten foods over and over and ate incessantly. I liked the rules of food, the creativity, the look of it. I passed the meat case and Wegman's one day and cried because it was so beautiful.
At the same time, I would visit these boards and hear about how I would be eating a bar, a shake and a thimble full of salad for the rest of my life-- and I believed it. I stuck with a very low calorie level-- about 700 calories-- for many months-- and remember I was supersized, so I was running on a horrible deficit. I was badly dehydrated and haggard. I was exhausted all the time, and felt sick, like I was dying. I underate for the first year-- I thought the weight loss gods would look favorably upon me because of my devotion-- and they did, but the cost was very high.
I seriously thought about killing myself. I really didn't even have the energy to make a proper plan-- all I knew is that I wanted OUT of this bullshit. Never eating again? Nothing tasty? Bars and shakes? Effin' Puh-LEEZE! The boards read like a contest :we had, and still occasionally have what reads like "I bet I ate the least today" kinda crap.
But one day, something in me clicked, and I realized it didn't have to be that way for me. No matter what anyone here tells you-- this gig is NOT about deprivation, it's about living a healthful and meaningful life. I allowed myself a sample of cheese and preserves on a piece of melba toast-- oh the horror--- and it sang in my mouth! And I realized, maybe you *can* have a piece-- a slice, a handful, even a day-- of anything! Maybe the answer isn't deprivation, but moderation, like they say! Instead of the pendulum swing from plenty to deprivation, what if we all learned how to have "enough"?
Now I practice moderation--- in a goofy assed way-- instead of little treats here and there all the time (which is a little too loose for my Germanic brain) I plan the crap out of my days-- and I keep it pretty tight-- and once a month or so, I go out without my calculator and just do whatever strikes my fancy. At first, that meant some HIDEOUS binges, including one where I hate a half salad, 2 slices of pizza, a mug of sipping chocolate and half of two small cakes in Vermont, which was followed by a carb coma I could literally not be awakened from (read: dumb!) After doing that a couple times, the urgency's worn off-- I realize there will be other free days not far from now, I don't have to cram it all in at once. That's good to know.
The rebellious part of me gets a big kick out of beating the system. Having 6-7 meals a day, including some sweets, tasty casseroles, pizzas, sammiches-- and making it work: It's my way of thumbing my nose at this dumb-assed predicament and enjoying my life. I share what I do in case it might help some other post op who's in the throes of the Food Police and thinks that that's just the way life's gonna be-- it's not-- and it doesn't have to be.
What kind of role model does this make me? I eat pizza! Candy! I walk instead of run!
Well...the only kind I know how to be-- the kind I wish *I* had. I know not everyone feels comfortable with my lifestyle-- but in the event someone's thinking of making their own way, I just want them to know that with a little creativity and science on your side, it can be done. Try things and watch the data. If you can create a life you enjoy and support the body you need to do it-- you're golden. That might be at 150 pounds, or it might be at 250. It's NOT a contest to see who can be the most "compliant"-- it's a challenge to see who can find the balance that best suits themselves. I am bound and deterimined that I can, and I would love to have every one of you here get there too, on your own terms and in your own time.
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About Me
Near Media, Pa- South of Philly, NJ
Location
24.8
BMI
Surgery
07/16/2007
Surgery Date
Nov 16, 2003
Member Since