Justin M.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Damn…its been hella long since I’ve updated this page…it’s now been over 2 years since I’ve had the surgery and it’s been one helluva journey…I can’t say that all has been perfect. Back in July 2007 I got robbed and had my identity stolen…it was hell to deal with…in fact I ended up in the hospital for 6 days because of it…to try and black it out I turned to alcohol which really made the situation a lot worse. I ended up being one of the first patients to be cared for in the new expansion wing at Memorial. That’s now how I wanted to see the hospital…the rooms are nice though but the service was disappointing…I had some sucky ass nurses but a few good ones too…they kept bringing food I couldn’t eat as a gastric bypass patient which they should no better since they do the surgery there. I will say that I was the patient from hell this time…they had me so damn doped up on the good shit that I don’t remember somethings. I even left the hospital one day to walk a mile to Starbucks and Raleys to actually get my own food…the charge nurse told me if I left again that I would have to be readmitted…I told her to her face who the fuck that I am and that she needs to shut the hell up before I call her boss, the surgery ward director, on her cell phone. Yes I have the number…the bitch was nice after that. I was like if you brought me shit I could eat then I wouldn’t have to leave now would I…need I say more! I was glad to go home. I went back to work the next day. The doctor wanted to stay home…any more boredom and I would have probably committed suicide…not literally…it felt good to get back to work and normal…but I still had to deal with the aftermath of the robbery. Stupid WAMU didn’t close my ATM/MC card out after I called them 10 minutes after getting robbed and the people used my card and played havoc with my life…needless to say WAMU had to reimburse money out the ass for everything. Enough of that. Since that visit to the hospital I’ve actually gained about 40 lbs. which has been a good thing for me since I lost too much weight. I went and saw Dr. Coirin a couple of weeks ago for my 2 year post-op visit although I was a little late with it…he told me not to gain anymore weight…the girls in the office kept saying how healthy I look now. It’s nice to look in a mirror and not be anorexic looking. I’m staying away from drinking since we all know that it’s not good for us! This week I will be hitting that magical mark…30!! Hey Jay-Z says 30 is the new 20…so hey!! I’m just keeping myself busy with work and not much else. Just wanted to update really quick!

OK…so I’m bored sitting here at work with almost an hour and a half to go before going home so I figured I would give an update…I’m still struggling with my weight…it goes up and down so damn much…I’ve gotten all the way to 175 and been happy and then last week got as low as 158…I’m doing my best to eat but shit it’s hard sometimes…I never in a million years thought that I would have ever had this issue with wanting to eat…it’s like fuck…before I would live to eat, now I eat to live.

Two weeks ago I went for my 18 month check-up, well I went a month early because I needed to have the lab work before June 1^st because that’s when my deductible resets and I would have to pay for the blood work. I met with Diane and everything was great, she says I’m one of their more successful patients, which makes me feel good, though she knows about some of the things I have done. Yeah I eat crap and have Starbucks several times a day; I have to keep the weight on somehow.

I’m kinda sad this last week because I found out some discouraging news…Jill O. had her RNY reversed, I went and saw her in the hospital and she seemed to be doing well. I was made more upset when I went and saw her and how she kept telling how poor of care she was getting at the hospital. The minute I walked on the floor all the nurses remembered me as the guy who came and spoke to them back in December, I’m sure I blew their minds when I told them that care they were providing Jill was unacceptable. I felt more sad later in the week when I found out that Laura A. was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer…it’s just not fair, these are good people who have been through so much. But as it’s said “God doesn’t give more than what we can handle.” I’m just keeping them both in my thoughts and prayers.

I’ve been doing well with the alcohol situation…my sister shared with me something this week that has definitely for sure put the brakes on that shit. I won't share what it was but it was somethng that definitely shook me. I’ve had alcohol in the last month or two but on a social basis, definitely not more than I can handle.

 
My sister Benita had her surgery back on March 5, my birthday, and has done really well…she is down to about 195 lbs. now all the way from her high of 270…she looks really good…We hung out this last Thursday and I hadn’t seen her in like 2 weeks and instead of callin’ her a ‘heffa’ I called her an ‘anorexic bitch!’ OK I know it doesn’t sound nice but u gotta know how we joke! I’m proud of all her accomplishments.

 
OK…So I’ve passed some of my time now, but man I gotta pee after drinking all that damn water! PEACE

So wuz good everybody I know that it's been a hella long time since I've posted a blog about whats going on in my life. So since I'm sitting here at work hella bored I decided that today would be a good day to do so. Well what can I say I'm no longer fat…I've finally reached my goal weight…I had actually gone below. Back in November I got as low as 155 lbs…I was given the blessing by Dr. Coirin's office to eat whatever I want as long as it doesn't make me sick to gain weight. Well as of April I'm now hovering between 170 – 175 and I feel that I definitely look a lot more healthier. So praise God that I'm no longer diabetic or have health problems.

I always thought that being skinny would solve many of my problems, but instead it managed to create some new ones. It's true that you can transform one addiction to another. I managed to shift my addiction for food to Vicodin and then from Vicodin to alcohol. At first I was legitimately taking the Vicodin for pain and then for depression. I was taking it hell because it made me feel good. I was plotting ways to get Vicodin every chance I could. I would go to my doctor to get it, then wait a couple of days then go to a different doctor or urgent care. Even when I had my gall bladder taken out last May, Dr. Coirin said he had found some white nods on my liver but for some reason that didn't scare me. I was drinking the shit like it was water. I remember on July 4 being happy that Dr. Coates had called in a big ass 16 oz. bottle of Lortab for me. I remember standing in Trina's front yard jumping up and down "I got Vicodin, I got Vicodin." I remember Benita calling me a fuckin dope fiend. I remember standing at that counter at the 24 hour Walgreens across from Trina's house waiting for it to be filled only for them to tell me that my insurance wouldn't cover it. I remember taking out my checkbook and writing out that check for $63.99 for the bottle. I drank half the damn bottle that night. WOW! It caught up to me. My primary care doctor got pissed and made me come into her office where we had a discussion about my habit. She promised to help see me through it. The last time that I had any Vicodin was about a week and a half ago because I had some back pain. Prior to that I hadn't had any since around Thanksgiving and that was because I had developed a bacterial infection in my stomach. The girls at my doctors office I knew I was in pain because I was willing to seem my PCP's husband whom I really can't stand.

I wish I knew why I have an addictive personality. I shifted from Vicodin to alcohol and have done some real stupid shit. I've called people up on the phone and said some fucked up shit, I've said things to peoples faces that was fucked up, and have even almost caused myself some bodily harm. In February I was so damn drunk that I decided to get on the bus and go to the Dublin/Pleasanton BART station and meet a friend that I left my Sidekick 3 on the bus and managed to lose my backpack at the BART station. It had my checkbook, my brand new iPOD in it…everything. Somehow I managed to luck out and get it back. But still. I realize that I have an issue. I kept promising that I was going to seek counseling, but like some people in my life have told me they don't think I need it. I realize that they are probably right. It's been a week now and I haven't had anything to drink. I figure what's the point of drinking, it doesn't benefit me, it makes me dehydrated and it makes me do stupid shit. It's almost destroyed a very important relationship in my life. So I need man up to the issue at hand and face it head on.

In other areas, I've realized that several of the people that I've met online really are some fuckin' immature little bitches. There is one in particular and too bad she can't read this blog. I thought I could get past what she did but after thinking about it and talking it over with several people close to me, I decided that I just need to cut her out of my life all together. She decided to put me on fuckin blast but couldn't post about her own issues at hand…instead she chose make it sound like her shit don't stink. True I'm not innocent to what happened between us and at least I can admit it. The shit happened when I was drinking. I'm sorry about it and realize that. I could have stooped to her level and posted all about what she was doing, but chose not to. She even told me that her husband wanted to kick my ass. Not that I cared much. She should have been more afraid of what my sister wanted to do to her. I've come to realize that she really ain't that "CUTE!" But I've learned from the situation. People wonder why I haven't been online, it's because I don't have time for all the fakeness and drama. Granted I have partaken in it and will accept responsibility for my share, but shit it's a new day and I don't have time for the petty bullshit. It's funny because half of the people that post on OH are fuckin alcoholics themselves, just read their posts. It's really sad because OH is supposed to be about supporting people and these people are definitely sending negative messages to all the newbies that come online. It wasn't like that when I started coming around in 2005, but it has progressively gotten worse since then. I can't be apart of that. I need to do what it takes to better myself. I will say that I have been blessed and have met some kewl ass people from there who are real, I'm very thankful for that. Instead I choose to focus my time in going to my doctor's seminar and telling my story to help show that Gastric Bypass really does work and answer peoples questions.

I've been on several dates over the past several months but still am not in a relationship. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship in reality. I'm still working on myself and realize that I need to give somebody my 100%. I've come a long way since December 2005 but am still working on some more self improvements. I know that 2007 will be a very prosperous year. I'm thankful for the people that I've met. They have been really kewl. I've also realized that instead of trickin my way around that I need to find somebody who feels the same way that I do. I need to respect myself and instead of just having a quick fuck. I know something will come along when I stop looking.

I thank my friends who have supported throughout this journey. I look forward to growing even more.

OK...so it's been a little while since I've updated last...I'm doing OK with my weight...I've staying around 162 so I'm happy...I've decided that I'm not going to stress over gaining 20 lbs...I've told myself as long as stay between 160 and 170 that I'm happy...I really hate the habit of constantly feeding my face all day, it reminds me of my pre-op eating habits...I've started back at the gym last week with my personal training sessions...I like my trainer Fernando he is hella cool...we've been focusing on my upper and lower body...he has pushing me with doing crunches...Tuesday I actually did 105 of them...I really dreaded doing the before because my big ass stomach would always be in the way...now thats no longer an issue...I went to the Modesto support group meeting Monday night with Deborah W. It was fun...it was open mike night and everybody had the chance to tell their story...naturally Jennifer made me go first since they know I love to talk. I went to the pre-op seminar this last Thursday as well and got up there and told my story...I love going, the last time I went was back in May. It feels really good to get up there and motivate and inspire all the new pre-ops. Overall I'm doing OK and am happy...I can't believe that at the end of the month I will be one year post-op...damn where does all the time go? I've become a Crackbucks ho too....oh how I love those Venti Caramel Light Frappucinos with the extra caramel in them. I've also found that I can tolerate a sixteen ounce Enlightened Jamba Juice...so I'm in heaven...I missed having Jamba Juice...After the support group meeting Monday night Deborah and I stopped at The Vitamin Shoppe in Modesto so that way I could get some PowerCrunch bars...they are so cheap there compared to my gym...I several different kind as well as this protein drink that looked like a sex toy...It was good, it was a fruit punch flavored one and it was only 2.9 oz and had 25 grams of protein it...I think it was called New Whey...I'm slowly getting ready here for Christmas, I've already sent off my OH Christmas Exchange cards...I've actually got a couple of them already...So life has been treating me well...well I'm at work so I should actually get back to it...TTFN

WOW!! It’s been awhile since I’ve last updated my profile…actually I took my profile down for a very personal reason…my friend Cathy (Cutey Patootey) talked me into putting it back up. She felt that my profile would help a lot of guys who are looking into having the surgery. So I’m back!!

I’ve now hit my goal weight and then some…my goal weight was 180 lbs. I now weigh 178 lbs My weight loss has been very successful…it’s been an amazing ride to go from 328 lbs in December to 178 lbs. in September. The only issue I’ve really had is with my gall bladder which I had taken out on May 30, 2006. I feel a lot better without it. I do have phantom gall bladder attacks on occasion. I will tell you this about gall bladder surgery is that it does hurt way worse that WLS. It feels like you got ran over by a car.

Last month I went to Great America for the first time in 10 years and was able to fit on all of the rides. It was hella fun. I went on Drop Zone twice. I thought I was going to have a heart attack just looking at the ride. I also participated in the WLS Fashion Gala put on by Memorial too. This was a lot of fun. It was so amazing to see people’s transformations since their surgery. I’m so thankful that I had an opportunity to apart of that special night.

I’m just really tired right now otherwise I would tell you more…I will keep up to date on my profile!! TTFN

325 This picture was taken at work back in July 2005 weighing around 325 lbs.

178 This is a pic of me taken on 8/25/2006...I am 8 months post-op weighing in at 178 lbs.

OK…it’s time that I update my profile…So it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here to update with what’s going on in my life. I’ve been through some real trying times. I wasn’t able to make Bridget’s wedding on 4/25 because I had a severe gall bladder attack in the middle of Wal-Mart. I had no idea what the hell was going on. First I felt like I was going to throw up and then it felt like somebody had just punched me in my new little stomach. The pain was excruciating. I literally was in tears in the middle of Wal-Mart and I was screaming some not nice words and people were looking at me. I called Dr. Coates’ office and actually spoke with him and they told me to come to their office ASAP. I went and saw Dianne and she said it sounded like my gall bladder. She told me to cut out all the fattening items in my diet such as dairy products and no more S/F nonfat vanilla lattes from Starbucks. She also ordered an ultrasound on my gall bladder. I went for the ultrasound on 4/27 after I got off work and the tech doing it said that my gall bladder looked abnormal and that she saw sludge and stones. During this time I was also sick with a severe sore throat. From 4/17-5/1 I had been to my doctor’s office like 5 times for this. Everytime they would never test me to see what was wrong. I went from having a sore throat to being treated for strep and then was told I have tonsillitis and then to having mono. They kept pumping me full of antibiotics and I was progressively getting worse. It got to the point were I could no longer swallow so I was admitted to the hospital on 5/2. Let me say that Doctor’s Hospital of Manteca is the worst hospital to be admitted to. I was treated bad. This was the hospitalization from hell. On Wednesday 5/3 they had a Ear, Throat and Nose specialist come in and puncture the abscesses in my throat so I could swallow. I was awake while he numbed my throat and stuck a needle and blade down there to do this. It didn’t hurt too bad. After this I was finally able to start to consume fluids. The next day I tried to buy food in the cafeteria because I had been almost a week since I had eaten any solid food but they said that they couldn’t sell me any because I was a patient and that would violate state law. So I was cussing them out and was like so it’s ok if I go to the vending machine across the way and buy myself Lunchables and they were like yeah. So stupid I tell you. I came home on Friday 5/5 and was happy to get the hell up out of there. They determined that I had mono. I think they just put me in the hospital to cover their ass in case something really bad happened to me. Other than this drama I’ve been doing OK. The friend that I had talked about before, well we’re no longer friends, everything was too much. I made a very bad decision so I will take the blame about it. But in a way it’s been a good thing…trying to be his friend was causing myself to neglect my needs which wasn’t very healthy. I was depressed about it for awhile but hey life goes on. I didn’t make it to Great America on 5/15 like I wanted to because I had to work, my boss couldn’t get nobody to cover my shift. I went to karaoke last Saturday and had fun and got hella drunk, I had like 7 or 8 shots of Cazadores and Patron. It was fun though but I don’t think I would do it again. The alcohol really didn’t affect me much, but I did space those shots out through the period of the night. It was fun to see Lee. His Like A Virgin performance was off the hook. He really is truly quite the entertainer. I have my surgery this next Tuesday to take my gallbladder out. I can’t wait. As of today I weigh 210.5. So now I am only 10.5 lbs away from my goal of 200 lbs. It’s been amazing. I realized that I needed to update when Cathy (Cutey Patootey) posted in her profile that she missed my updates. I can honestly say that I’ve been lazy. I’m just trying to get everything back on track here.

325 This picture was taken at work back in July 2005 weighing around 325 lbs.

210 This is a pic of me taken on 5/26/2006...I am 21 weeks post-op weighing in at 210 lbs.

OK…it’s time that I update my profile…God I’ve become notoriously bad about this. I said that I wouldn’t become one of those people. Well let’s see it’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve updated last. I went for my 3 month post-op visit on 3/27 and everything was great. Dianne was extremely happy with my weight loss, I had hit 82 lbs when I went. They were excited for me. All my labs were good so I wasn’t deficient. My sessions at the gym haven’t been going well, for one I stopped going. I have been going through some issues in my life that had been distracting me and then with the way that the weather has been I haven’t wanted to go out and waiting in the rain at the bus stop to go. I need to get my ass back on track here. These issues have also caused my to neglect my new OH family. The week of 3/27, Gus Hernandez bestowed upon me the honor of being POTW. I was shocked. Bridget and Sara were worried about me because I had become MIA. I had been going to Fremont the last couple of weeks to spend time with a friend of mine and had become sidetracked in my priorities. I had felt kind of depressed and lonely lately, like I am missing something in my life; somebody to share my journey with. I know that I have friends, but I really wish that I had a mate to be there to support me. I had been going through it, but when I went to the Modesto support group on Monday 4/3 I started to feel better. I was thankful that Deborah W. took me. I met her in downtown Stockton since she works there and she took me from there. It was good to see Bridget there that night, she was looking good. It was also good to see Karen and Sara R. I got to meet Sara’s husband Rob, he is a very lucky guy. Dr. Hoyt came again and we got to watch the same sick porno show about plastic surgery that he presented the first time that I attended the Manteca support group. Afterwards, Deborah, Karen, Sara R. and Rob, Bridget, Sara and Elizabeth and myself went to Starbucks and had coffee. Poor Bridget really was eyeing this rice krispie treat in the pastry display. I felt bad because there was nothing there for her to have so I ran across the street to pick her up some broth powder and jello. I remember when Sara G. had the gathering at Starbucks the very next day after I came home. I remember that I went prepared with my jello…but thank God for Passion Tea. I love it so much. I shared some with Bridget but she didn’t like it. We all just chilled and hung out and had good conversation. Sara R. really made my day, she is so encouraging and has a very radiant smile. I feel like I’ve really bonded with her. She really is special. Her husband Rob is hella cool, a very funny guy. It was cool getting to hang out. It made me realize that I do have friends who truly do love and care about me. The next day I went over to Karen’s to help her connect her computer and cable in her new apartment. Poor Karen is always seeming to get taken advantage of and I don’t like that at all. She is a very sweet lady who deserves the best, so I was glad to be of assistance to her. She was ecstatic that her cable now worked, damn Comcast gave her the run around. The rest of the week was pretty much normal as was the weekend. This last Monday, I went to Fremont to see my friend, he and I had some issues we needed to work out. I said some really messed up things to him, but he had hurt me with something that he did. I didn’t feel that he was grasping the pain that he put me through so I some things that made him cry. Wow, seeing that floored me, I didn’t think he would cry, he always seems so cold about things. Also seeing him cry made me feel like shit. We worked everything out and our friendship has become stronger. He is like one of my best friends, I really love him very much. He cooked me dinner that night and we just hung out. I learned that we need to watch our actions, they could very well take away something important. Tuesday we had support group in Manteca . Hazel put together a small little bridal shower for Bridget. Hazel wants me to take some credit, but I really didn’t do much other than email everybody and post on OH. I also called Bridget and tricked her into coming, she hadn’t been doing too well lately, so I figured this would be good for her. I thought I was going to have to have Sara G. intervene. We met at Perko’s again and Dianne David PA-C from Dr. Coates/Coirins office joined us. We had a lot of fun. I was glad to see Bridget smiling. Wow I can’t believe that she is getting married now in less than 2 weeks. Wow first WLS surgery then marriage. I know that everything is going to pull together for her. I’ve made a real connection with Bridget too, she really is a special lady. I’m ecstatic that she has found true happiness. Well now onto my weight loss. I got on the scale this morning and I weigh 235.5 lbs. So I now have another 35 lbs. to go to get to my goal of 200 lbs. This brings my total weight loss to 93 lbs., wow only 7 more lbs. until I hit the century club! I can’t wait. Thank you to my OH family for all the love and support that you give me, I don’t think that I could go on this journey without you…I truly am blessed. I promise to update more regularly. TTFN

325 This picture was taken at work back in July 2005 weighing around 325 lbs.

235 This is a pic of me taken on 4/14/2006...I am 14 weeks post-op weighing in at 235 lbs.