justjess
Summer!
Jul 06, 2008
I feel like a kid again....summer is here, and all I want to do is play outside, ride bikes, dig in the dirt, go swimming, have picnics, and play ball. It is fabulous beyond words. I have lost 97 pounds, putting me at 184, and about 15-25 away from an overall goal. If I never lost another pound and could maintain this for the rest of my life, I'd be content, and that is an amazing and totally foreign feeling.
Thank you to those of you who sent kind words and prayers my way regarding my father. I truly appreciate it. It's something that's with me every day, and it probably always will be. It is still hard to wrap my head around at times, but I'm doing the best that I can.
I hope all of you are enjoying the summer as much as I am!
A long time coming...
May 19, 2008
These past few weeks have just been mind-numbing. I am now officially under 200 lbs., and it just doesn't really sink in these days. Grieving is exhausting, and trying to push the grieving aside to get through the work day, a phone conversation, yard work - anything - just takes every bit of energy I have.
I just wanted to put this out there because I don't want to be one of those people who just stops updating everything, leaving people to wonder how they've turned out, what's going on with them, and what they struggle with. I'm still here, and I'll still be on here with more pictures, more craziness, more fun stuff at some point, but right now, I just thought I'd say that life doesn't stop, both the good and the bad, after you lose weight. I hope the rest of you are doing well with all that you carry with you.
My Bell Bottom Victory
Mar 21, 2008
I will post a picture of me in them as soon as they dry because I was wearing them while shoveling the FOOT of snow we have gotten today. It's officially Spring, people, and our car got stuck TWICE today. I hate snow, and I hate winter, but I had a fabulous time snow blowing in my killer bell bottoms.
Has it really only been two months?!?!
Feb 25, 2008
Fifty pounds in just over two months - unprecedented in my life for certain. I have been both very lucky and unlucky in so many ways - most of them the same. I find that I can eat many, many things that other people have a hard time tolerating - I consider that both lucky and unlucky. I've only gotten sick twice, and both times were things that I've since eaten without a problem. Don't get me wrong - I'm not swinging through a McD's drive thru or anything like that - I just sometimes worry that I can tolerate "too much." Bread? No problem. Rice? Fine. Salad dressing? Yep. These are things that worry me. I'm sure those of you out there who dump when they look at a packet of sugar are cursing me right now, but all I'm saying is that I am scared that, because my body seems to do fine with these things, that I will backslide. So far, I think I've been pretty good, and I can honestly say that I haven't had a single bite of fast food burgers, fries, shakes, sundaes, cake, fried anything. I have had a chicken soft taco from Taco Bell. I have had a burrito from Qdoba, no cheese, no sour cream, just chicken, rice, beans, salsa....and that lasted me about five meals. I think it's necessary for me to be able to negotiate the menus out there, and I think that, when I have been put in that situation, I've made some pretty good choices. Maybe I just worry too much. My mother would be proud!On a positive note, my husband and I have begun working out, and it's going really well. We joined a gym about a month ago and have gone faithfully at least three times a week since. I realize it's only been a month, but hey, it's all I've got, so I'm braggin' about it. I look forward to going, and the elliptical machine does not kick my butt nearly as quickly as it used to. And, lo and behold, my butt is getting smaller, so perhaps that has something to do with it. I don't know how, but I've managed to lose 50 lbs. and not buy any new clothes - where's the justice in that??? I have pulled out my "skinny" (aka slightly less fat than before) clothes from the bowels of my closet, and so it kind of feels like a new wardrobe.
I still have one major item to conquer. It comes in the form of a pair of bell bottoms. Yes, I am aware that bell bottoms have not been in style for quite some time...and yes, I'm aware that I've even missed the "retro" moment when they were back in style....but that doesn't matter. I have a pair of bell bottoms that I bought about 10 years ago. When I bought them, they were snug. They have since become that thing that laughs at me in the closet whenever I even THINK of putting them on. At my highest, I doubt my big toe fit in those damned pants. But I tried them on two weeks ago, and, lo and behold, THEY CLOSED. Please, hold your applause. While I feel good that they at least cover the lower portion of my body, the battle is not won yet. So help me God, I will post a picture of me COMFORTABLY wearing those pants, or I will die trying. And, after that, I will post a picture of me FALLING OUT of those pants because they are too big. Don't worry, I'll keep it tasteful. But that is my goal - to defeat the bell bottoms. Wish me luck!
Life Update...
Dec 31, 2007
Hey everyone, I have been a slacker at putting anything on here since surgery - I hate people who do that! 
Anyways, my husband's aunt is having this surgery in spring, and below is an email I sent to her. It sums up my life for the last two weeks, so I figured why re-write it???
Everyday gets better - more mobility, less pain. A friend had said that the fifth day after surgery was the first day she felt good/normal/improvement, and that was it for me as well. The first four days were very rough and emotional. I had read that you sometimes just burst into tears for seemingly no reason, and that happened to me a lot. I think it has something to do with your hormones and just the fact that your body has experienced this "trauma." That was hard, but it passed within the first week. I really didn't feel like a human being until that fifth day, but from then on, it's been steady progress.
It was also hard that first week and a half to choke down all the fluids. You don't feel thirsty, and at least for me, every time I drank something, it felt kind of tight in my chest, like there was pressure. It wasn't painful, just annoying and uncomfortable. But, they stress how you have to get your 64 oz. in everyday, and so I'd keep at it. It felt like a full time job! Now it's much easier, and I can get the 64 oz. in each day without a problem.
I've been very lucky in that nothing I've eaten has made me sick or vomit. I've been eating a lot of pureed egg salad (with fat free miracle whip), tuna (also with the miracle whip), and soups with the chunky stuff pureed. I've also been eating fat free refried beans (one can was like four meals - that got old real fast lol!), because they have a lot of protein. I also found that if I scramble up one egg and chop up half a stick of string cheese and melt it in the egg as I scramble it, that's 11 g of protein, which is pretty good for a meal in this stage of eating. Special K just started making this protein water that you can find at Pick 'n Save that tastes good (there are several different flavors) and it has 5 g of protein per bottle. They also make individual packets that you can pour into a plain bottle of water. The flavor is good, and every little bit of protein helps! I'm trying like heck to get off these protein drinks because I'm sick of them lol. I had to drink two a day at the beginning - now I'm down to one if I eat high enough protein foods and drink these waters.
As far as being hungry, I really haven't been. Sometimes I'll get the tiniest twinge of hunger, but it's always right before my meal time anyways, so that makes sense. I also haven't gotten the overstuffed full feeling that some people get, which is both good and makes me a bit nervous. When I'm eating, I feel like I could just keep going - not that I'm hungry, but you know how you feel like yea, I'm full but I could just finish this....that kind of thing. Now, maybe I really couldn't, and because I make small portions I really haven't tested it - I hope that's it, because I'd hate to get to solid foods and find that I can eat more than I'm supposed to right off the bat. The most I've eaten is two pureed eggs - to me that seems like more than I'm supposed to eat, but that's still really not a lot of food, and when I look at the binder that they give you at the pre-op class, the sample meals have 6 tablespoons of food in them, which I know two eggs is not more than, so I'm probably doing fine.
To answer your question about it being hard to watch other people eat - yes. It was very hard the first week. It's getting easier now, but it's not easy. I had this surgery right before Christmas because of my work schedule, but I didn't think about how hard it would be to be at all of these holiday things that are so focused on food and just have to sit there and smell all the good food that everyone else was enjoying. At first, at my mom's house, I would actually go into the other room while my mom or my husband was eating because it was hard to be around - either the food smelled wonderful and I wanted to gobble it all up or it made me nauseous. I had read about "head hunger," mental hunger, whatever you want to call it, and I guess I thought it wouldn't happen so soon because I wouldn't be hungry and would be healing and all of that but, wow, it kicked in right away. There's constant temptation, but luckily for me, I am terrified of vomiting - I always have been. I would rather have a cold for two weeks then one day of being sick to my stomach or vomiting, I've always been that way. So, whenever I am having a pity party about not being able to eat something, I just tell myself go ahead, but you'll vomit lol. I know, I'm weird, but that's what works for me, because that's the last thing I want to do, so I won't eat it. Part of wanting to eat it is because my stomach has been fine with everything I've put in it so far, so I almost feel invincible, if that makes sense. I know logically that's not the case, but I read about so many people who are constantly getting sick and their stomachs are so temperamental, but that's just not the case with me.
Six and counting...
Dec 13, 2007
Drop the chunk of change first, then the booty...
Nov 17, 2007
But, on a happier (and less expensive) note, my surgery is 32 days away! WOO HOO! I canNOT wait. I have a little countdown in my calendar.
Because it's the Wednesday before Christmas, I will hopefully only have to miss three days of work, because then I have another week and a half off for Christmas and New Years. I will take of more if need be, but I really hope I don't have to. It's my first year at this new school, and so I don't want to take off any more than is absolutely necessary.I've told some of my co-workers about the surgery, and I have been debating about how I should handle it with my students. I teach 8th grade special education. The other 8th grade special ed teacher told me that she thought I should just tell them that I'm having abdominal surgery and leave it at that. Given the kooky nature of 8th graders, I think that's probably the best thing to do. I'm not hiding it - far from it. Many of my co-workers know, and all of my friends and family know. It's just that I'm not sure that my students would handle it as maturely as I'd like them to. The words "mature" and "eighth grader" don't go together all that often.
Anyways, I'll be seeing less of me soon!!! Take Care!
My List
Oct 20, 2007
We all have one...that list that constantly runs through our head of all of the things that we want to do once we lose weight. Some of the things are things we used to be able to do, and we miss them a great deal. Others are things we've NEVER done before, and the concept seems completely foreign. I've been thinking non-stop about my list, and as my surgery date is officially less than two months away, I thought I'd start to jot some of them down:
-wrap a bath towel totally around myself
-buy a piece of clothing from a non "fat chick" store
-walk down my stairs in the morning without putting both feet on each step because I'm so stiff and sore
-feel a space in between my thighs (totally foreign concept to me)
-ride a roller coaster
-get pregnant
-run a 1/2 mile
-fit into my favorite pair of jeans (that were tight when I bought them...ten years ago)
-play tennis again
-sit in the auditorium at my school and be able to put the stupid little desk thing down in front of me
-have people who have known me for years NOT recognize me
-get through an entire Tae-bo tape (man, just watching him exhausts me)
-have my feet and back hurt less
-walk my dogs more
-wear skirts and dresses
-wear necklaces and bracelets
I'm sure as the days go by, my list will get longer, but this is a good start. I hope as time goes on, I will be able to check every single one of those off!
Time flies...
Oct 04, 2007
Sadly, while their insurance is in all other ways phenomenal, they have an exclusion in their policy regarding bariatric surgery. So, once again, I am uninsured but still pursuing surgery. I am lucky in that my mom is willing and able to pay for my surgery. She knows that Cory and I won't be able to have kids unless I do this, and she is willing to help. I am so incredibly lucky in that respect.
So, my surgery date is set - December 19th. I could have had it sooner, however, this will allow me to do most of my recovering over my Christmas break and not burn up all of my sick leave. I will only miss three days of work, and then I will have almost two weeks off to recover. I am hoping that this will be enough, but I will plan for more if needed.
I think about surgery every single day. I feel like I am sitting here waiting for my life to start. I know that's not the case, and that's not really the best mindset, but I just can't help but think of all of the things I'll do "once I lose the weight," "once I'm healthy," "after surgery." I can't help but think that's a natural thing. Any of you out there who have had it, am I right?
For all of you on my friends list, I hope you're doing well. Even though I don't write as often as I'd like to, and I post way too seldom, I log on several times a week, read your profiles, and catch up with you in my own small way. I'm rooting for all of you!
Good news....I think?!?
Aug 18, 2007
I should be more excited than I am. I am scared to leave where I work now. I left once, for about 3 months, and it was a total disaster. Granted, I left because I was absolutely miserable at the time (which I'm not at the moment - just frustrated and mildly unhappy), and I left for a horrible school district with an awful placement - I didn't do my research and didn't realize how unhappy I would be in that other place. This new position seems to be in a much better school district, and the people I've met so far seem very nice and fun. I'm just scared to leave the security of the place I know I guess. Even though I really hate what the administration is doing and the direction things are going where I am, I absolutely LOVE my co-workers and my students. Every time I think about telling them on the 31st that it's my last day, I get choked up. I've become so attached to them - it's just hard.
This will also put off my surgery for a bit. I have to find out what the new insurance requirements will be, and I can't just take a new job and then be out for 2-3 weeks a month later, you know? So, that's a bummer, but if they cover most of it, it will be financially worth the wait.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant. I start the new teacher orientation stuff on Tuesday. I hope I'm doing the right thing. On paper, it seems to be. That's all I can go on until I get there! Please say a prayer!
