Annie Q.

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I feel amazing!  I'm 60 lbs down and almost 4 sizes gone.  I have never been as happy or felt as healthy in my life.

I have been sick since the beginning of January - sinus issues that look like they are related to allergies.  I've had terrible allergies for years, and wonder how things will change with weight loss - so far it has gotten a little better, but the sick thing has gotten old.  I thought I had bronchitis, but it was an upper respiratory infection and then it came back with a vengence about 3 weeks later.  Now I'm being sent to an allergist.

Regardless, I'll take sick anyday to still feel how amazing I do with the weight gone.  I feel pretty, I feel attractive, and am amazed at how much people have noticed - I guess when I look at myself in the mirror every day I don't notice as much.

Finding clothes that fit without paying a fortune is a pain in the ass but it's not a bad problem to have.  I just wish I was having a little more success - my outfits are few and far between for work.  Just tried to set up a clothing swap thing, so we'll see what happens.

I've been busting tail in the gym when I've been there, but I've missed a lot of workouts from feeling so crappy and not being able to breath due to being sick.  It's been driving me crazy - when I'm not there, all I think about is that I'm going to fall into old habits if I don't get back there.  And then I sit on the couch, thinking I can actually feel my stomach expanding again....retarded, right?

I'm still learning to eat...my weight loss has continued, but I'm guilty of cheating a little bit pretty much every day (not eating bread or some sort of starch has proven to be harder than I thought, simply because of how often I eat out for lunch due to the type of work I do).  I'm still making good choices, and for the most part, if I do eat it, it's a slice of bread on  a sandwich and I try to eat as little as possible, but it pisses me off that I am even doing it.  And what pisses me off even more is that it's subconscious...i'm so used to being able to eat that stuff in the past, that even though I know better, it's often like I go on autopilot and order - and like I said, it's not like I'm ordering bad or anything, I'm still making very good, healthy choices, but it's like the "don't eat the bread" part of my brain often goes out the window.  Anyway, I'm trying and have asked my husband to ride me about it, even if I am mean back to him (which I probably will be, but it's the bread deprivity talking...lol).  Other than that, I'm doing pretty good. 

I feel like my portions are a bit larger than they should be, and I monitor myself pretty closely.  I'm quickly learning my body and when I'm getting full - and I'm pretty good at listening for the most part.  There's been a few times I didn't stop when I should have, but I learned my lesson when I was uncomfortable afterwards.  It's more learning each food too than anything.  Something I've learned to watch is t hat when I begin to feel statisfied and start to feel full, stop.  Once I stand up, I end up feeling even more full than I thought I was because everything shifts.

I'm cold quite a bit now, and I'm sure part of that is lack of nutrition and body fat.  I drink a fair amount of coffee, which causes me to be quite ravenous around lunch time.  I don't still make good choices, but I do usually have that moment where I hit the wall and have to eat NOW!!  However, it's also helped keep me regular since I am not very good at drinking the fiber supplement.  I've incorporated other extremely high fiber items in my diet to compensate for not taking the benefiber...there's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I'm not very good at remembering unless I build it into a shake, and I haven't been drinking the shakes because I've become VERY intolerant of milk (not to mention it's not helping the phlem from the sinus situation).

Anyway, all in all I'm fabulous, happy, driven, and proud of my accomplishments.  Every day is a new adventure!!

I feel great.  No pain to speak of, just still having some challenges healing in one of my incisions.  I've dropped at least two dress sizes since surgery, but I feel like I didn't do well at all during the holidays.  I tried, but I wasn't measuring my food like I should have been.  I have my 1 month post-op appointment on Friday, and I'm dreading the results.  I think I'll scream if they say I gained weight.  My husband says that I have definitely lost in the past 2 weeks since I was last at the surgeon...so I have to keep in mind that numbers on the scale don't necessarily matter, but I didn't go through all this to gain weight.  Anyway, I'm being more careful and I'm watching and measuring and have gotten the crap out of my house.  I'm still eating way less than I used to, but I do find myself being able to put away more than I think I should when eating certain foods (like salad).

Anyway, I've had some struggle with one of my incisions healing.  Actually, the two main incisions in my stomach took some time, but one of them is still healing at one month out (and still has open wounds).  Both just wouldn't heal (they'd start but wouldn't ever get hard), and then one day I saw what I thought was scab sticking up...after touching it, I realized it was one of my stitches.  I clipped it off, but in various areas of those two incisions, it happened 3 more times - once with me getting about an 1 1/2 in. long stitch out.  I had already talked to the surgeon about it before because one of my incisions opened up a little bit and they said it's normal and it happens because some people's bodies reject the stitches inside.  Obviously, I'm one of them.  Anyway, ever since that final really long stitch came out, I'm healing the way I should have long ago.  I've had to keep a butterfly bandage on it just to help it along, but it's getting there quick now.

Last night, the butterfly bandage was too tight apparently, and ask I turned over at one point in the middle of the night and stretched my skin, it ripped the extremely sticky bandage on my skin, and now I have like very painful rug burn in two spots on my stomach...damn!  I'm using Vitamin E on the scars, so hopefully they will start to look better soon.  They don't look gross or anything, but they're still red incision marks on my otherwise extremely pale skin.  Gotta get ready for a bikini body...wow, that's actually a possibility some day not too far away!  Woo hoo!!

I'm one week post surgery and feeling pretty good.  The surgery itself was not that painful and the healing process has been quick.  The most painful and uncomfortable part has been the gas pockets that develop within my body. 

Surgery went off without a hitch and I spent the night in the hopsital.  I was up and walking and sore, but active by the evening.  I slept a lot following the anesthesia, and was up constantly to use the bathroom because of the potassium drip and water and broth.

I seem to have no problems taking in food, although two protein shakes a day are enough to keep me satisfied.  I think I've probably dropped 5 - 10 lbs in the past week....I'm not sure, as I have not weighed myself, but I can tell by the way my clothes and body look....not to mention, everyones comments.

I feel great!  I'm looking forward to all the success!

My surgery is scheduled!  December 3rd is my surgery date....3 weeks away.  I am so excited!  People keep asking if I'm scared...but it's too early for that.  I keep saying no, but ask me on December 2nd. =)

Liquid diet starts on Nov. 18th....I'm nervous about that.  I'm sure I can do it, but it's hard to fathom when, let's face it, I got here because of not being able to follow diets...especially an all liquid diet.  But, I have goals and plans, and it will happen...I'm so excited!  I can't wait!

I'm approved!!!

I was submitted to Blue Cross/Blue Shield of CA about two weeks ago, and received the call from Dr. Kim's office yesterday that I have been approved!  I am elated!

My next steps are a meeting with the nurses to determine any additional medical clearances, an appointment with their psychologist, and then schedule pre-op, surgery, and nutritional information sessions.  I'm thinking I will be in surgery in either October or early November. 

I'm so excited!!!

My surgeon left the practice to essentially open his own, and in the process, I left for vacation, and have been under undue amounts of stress.  Needless to say, my choices are far from good.  I feel like I've gone on a sweets binge, and while it sounds good at the moment, the thought of what I "might" be doing to my self makes me sick.  I say "might" because I haven't gotten on a scale to find out where I currently am in comparison to where I need to be before I will be sent for approval for surgery.  These few pounds are such a struggle....I'm pissed that they are, but then I think, "hell, that's why I'm here to begin with.  If the pounds were easy to lose, I wouldn't be considering this to begin with."

I'm so frustrated.  I try and make good choices in the grocery store and 99% of the time do, but if I get a hankering for sweets, it often gets the best of me.  I don't gorge myself, but I'm sure I eat more than I should...which, well, is really any at this point in time.

I need to call the bariatric coordinator and get information about Dr. Kim's new office.  I'm so buried in work, the thought escapes me until after normal business hours.  It's frustrating and I'm mad at myself for procrastinating.

Oh, and not to mention, I like to shop.  So I just went and spent $100 on fat people clothes, which, I must say, I look good in, but I would much rather not wear anymore.  On the flip side though, I think to myself that my obsession with clothing will benefit "the losers" as I need to start giving my clothes away after surgery.

Ok, I'm rambling, and these are random thoughts.  It's time for bed.