jwinrrtx
Where do I begin? I am an Army brat born in 1960. I have one brother & one sister. Unfortunately my family is majorly messed up so I have no relationship with either of them. My Mom & I have an email relationship & she only lives 15 minutes away. Sad really because all I've ever wanted is to be part of a "normal" family but have grown enough to realize that is just never gonna happen. I have one daughter whom I love dearly. She & I also have our struggles but I will NEVER give up on her. We are slowly working through them. Some day she is going to realize I'm always here--God willing-- and am not going away until I have no say in the matter.
Anyway...my dad was a raging alcoholic. After he came back from Viet Nam when I was 5 he was quite literally a crazy person. Never knew what to expect from him. No physical abuse to me but I remember he & my Mom going at it. So my house growing up was a scary place--not the safe haven home should be. He died when I was 13 and I am still to this day working out issues caused by growing up in that home. After he died my Mom became the crazy person. I remember being backed into corners, getting hit & yelled at. Home was still not a safe haven. But he was the alcoholic so it was all his fault. Years later when I went to therapy for my own drinking issues I realized I was mad at her...not him. He was sick. She was just crazy (& still is sadly enough). So...I have distanced myself from my Mom, brother & sister because they refuse to deal with the issues caused by my dad's drinking. Still all these years later. My Mom is depressed & obese, my sister is MO, my brother is a dry alcoholic....but there isn't anything wrong with them. It's me that is the problem. As you can see...I've learned to deal with it & it's okay. I know I have issues but I also face up to what they are & try to fix them.
Now comes the food & my obesity. My dad was a great cook as was my Mom. We had five course meals on the table every day. We were members of the "clean your plate" club. Food has been my comfort & security my ENTIRE LIFE until October 30, 2007. This is why I made the decision to have Lap RNY. I could diet and lose weight. But it would all come right back & then some because food was all I ever knew to deal with my life. After 40+ years I knew without surgery it was a battle I would never win. I love food, am a total food addict. Surgery was my answer. I still love food. I still want enchiladas, rice & beans; chicken fried steak, etc...but surgery did something to my brain as well as my body. I can choose to want those foods but not eat them. I am in control for the first time in my life and I love it.
So there's my story. I didn't write it for sympathy...just to tell you who I am. I am a better person for having grown up in that crazy home. I am proud of the woman I have become. The struggle is well worth it.
