Another month has passed
Sep 10, 2008
I am still not 100% well. I had a bad experience the night I was at the track to see my "son". I passed out and no one can figure out yet why that happened. I have had MRI, EKG, echo, carotid scans, blood work, liver scan....nothing. Now I have an appointment with a neurologist in a few weeks.
My personal like is in a downward spin. My anniversary was late August and my husband didn't even remember! Not that the day would have been special for me anyway but geez, you'd think that he would mention it.
My friend and I are getting in deeper and deeper. We spend hours and hours every night on the phone. The distance is a big problem but we are working thru that.
Sometimes I wonder why I went thru the surgery. The changes are becoming unbearable! Emotionally and physically they are unbearable.
I try to keep things in perspective but my mind is having a hard time grasping all that is going on with my life.
I am not regretting having the surgery in any way. I know that the weight loss is something I HAD to do. Otherwise, I don't know that I would be here to write this blog right now. It's just that so much has surfaced since the original surgery....finding the cirrhosis was a huge shock. Now I have to worry about the possibility that somewhere down the road, I may have to have a transplant.
Please, anyone who is reading this and thinking about having WLS, don't second guess yourself. The surgery is worth everything that I have been going thru. I would do it over again in an instant. But right now, mentally I have to get myself together to really enjoy the changes in my body.
I am beginning to see the hanging skin and wonder what I should do. I am self-conscience about it and worry about the relationship with my new friend. True friends will accept you for what you are inside and not what you are inside and I am praying that this will be true here.
Well, I've gone on long enough for now.
Make sure that you follow your heart in all matters but also make sure that you engage your mind too. Your mind is really what matters when it comes to dealing with your heart. I am finding this out every day.
Hugs to all,
Sorry I've been away so long!
Aug 09, 2008
I am still losing but I feel like it is going slowly. Thank good ness for friends who keep telling me that it is not coming off slowly and that they can't believe the change. If they only knew the entire story of the changes in my life! My next appointment with Dr. Singh isn't until October so it will be interesting to see what his reaction is when I go. I am almost having withdrawal because I am not seeing him every month. Anyone else been thru that? I mean, we have been thru so much since my first surgery and then to all of a sudden not have that support is a bit scarey! I know that if I need to talk to him, I can call him but knowing that it will be another two months before I "check in" is a bit overwhelming.
Changes.... hum....I read pre-surgery about emotional changes after WLS. But I was not prepared for what is taking place right now. I have met someone who is quickly becoming very special to me and I to him. He knows about the surgery and has seen pictures of me during this journey so far. I don't know if he is just good for my ego at this point or what but it really has me confused about my life.
I have an appointment with a therapist this week while I am in Baltimore for some other appointments and hope that together she and I can figure out my feeble brain.
If anyone tells you that things don't change after surgery... they are LYING to you! I have never thought I would be in this situation after being with the same man for 24 years. It frightens me to no end and I can't control it. It's like I am on a roller coaster and the person operating the ride, won't let me off, no matter how much I beg.
Sleep... what's that? Everytime I open my eyes to look at the clock, it's just an hour later than when I looked before. And when my eyes open, my brain starts spinning a hundred miles an hour and I can't stop it!
I am not eating right... oh, I am getting in the protein and the liquids as well as the meds and vits BUT, the protein is getting in by way of protein bars. I don't have the energy to eat a meal much anymore. Nothing tastes good and I don't even like the thought of eating something. Vegetables...what are they????
Well, I promise that I will not be so long between updates in the future. I just ask that if you pray to a higher being, please ask them to guide me during this most difficult time.
Thank you all for you unconditional love and support.
Hugs to you all,
Jun 17, 2008
Since surgery! Wow! How time flies. Someone pm'd me and told me that I hadn't posted anything in my Blog recently. I didn't realize that it had been three weeks!
I went to my appointment with Dr. Singh last week. I didn't lose as much as I had hoped for but I have lost 16.9% of my weight in the five weeks. I think that the lack of fluids really played a big part in this. At the time of my appointment, I was still having trouble with drinking the fluids...in fact, the morning of the appointment, I was really nauseated the entire 2.5 hour drive. Dr. Singh is sending me for a Barium Upper GI (have that next Monday) to see what's going on (if anything). Depending on those results, I might have to have another EGD (?).
I have started drinking hot drinks, decaf coffee and tea, and find that these don't make me sick. So I've been getting in all of the fluids PLUS! I now have energy to get in some walking. Granted it's still a leisurely walk, but it's a walk. (I walk in Walmart for about an hour!) Tomorrow I have an appointment to meet with a personal fitness trainer at a local gym. Figure I can do biking and treadmill until I get the clearance from Dr. Singh to begin the real workout!
I saw my 13 yo niece on Sunday. The first words out of her mouth were, "OMG! Look at you! Stand up and let me see how much weight you've lost!" Hanna has been one of my best cheerleaders in this journey so that really made me feel good.
Still haven't reached that 100 pound lost mark yet but Cathy (nurse at Dr. Singh's) said that I would probably break the "2's" the next visit. I sure hope so! Wish me luck!!!
May 30, 2008
I haven't been walking like I should and I think that has slowed down the weight loss. Unfortunately, my short term medical leave will be over soon and I have to return to work on June 3rd. I just hope that I can kick this feeling and get back the excitement I felt when saw the doctor two weeks ago. I had a good visit and everyone seemed pleased with my progress since surgery. I was down 28 pounds but that still has left me a little short of the 100 pounds gone that I was hoping for. It will come.
Take care everyone!
Two weeks post op!
May 20, 2008
My surgery went well and I was really relaxed. It helped that Dr. Singh and I have a great rapport with each other and we joked almost until I was in the OR. I woke up fine afterwards and felt pretty good. (I think the ON-Q pain meds really helped with that!)
I had visitors that night and I was able to actually converse with them. Wednesday morning (early) brought horrible gas pains in my left shoulder so I was up walking the halls at 2:30 AM! I was pretty wiped out the rest of that day but I was up and walking the halls again on Thursday.
I haven't had too much trouble other than I have to FORCE myself to eat! Who would have every thought I would have to do that!!!!!!!???????
Well, I just wanted to touch base with everyone while I have access to a computer. I will try to update as soon as I get my computer at home working again.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes!
Twelve Days and counting!
Apr 24, 2008
I went to the new pre-op class on the 14th and then had another appointment with Dr. Singh on the 15th. I had many questions to ask and I did get answers... well, for the most part I did. When I asked how the surgery would affect my cirrhosis, I was told simply, "No one knows." I'd rather have that honest answer than one of false hope. I know that the surgery can't but help the liver but my fear is that the liver is too damaged for the surgery to help it any.
I guess I'm just rambling right now. I am torn between making good choices when I do eat something or throwing it all to the wind and eating what I want right now. Yesterday I wasn't so good and succumbed to a hot fudge sundae. Now, it's not like I eat those every day, or even once a week but I did eat it and I have to admit it was good but I felt a bit sick afterwards. I find that I'm really not hungry these days like I have been in the past. Don't know whether my stomach has shrunk some and I don't have such a large volume to fill now or what. I do know that sometimes, I have to force myself to get something to eat... even if it's a protein shake.
Anyway, enough rambling for now. I'm sure I will be on at a later time with more ramblings from the Eastern Shore of Maryland.
Thanks for all the support and I ask for your prayers as we make a second attempt at WLS.
Hugs to all,
Got a DATE with the best doc in the world!
Apr 02, 2008
I will be having surgery on May 6th at 7:30 am. (I know...that's early and I have to be there at 5:30 which means I will need to leave here at 2:45AM!!!!)
But, I am excited and scared about this one. I am NOT looking forward to the little cocktail drink ordered by the "la-la land" doctor! YUK!!!! I guess I'll do the little kid trick and hold my nose as I swallow. (Like that really helps!)
I have to do all of the pre-op testing again...chest x-ray and blood work as well as the pre-op physical but that's okay. Anything to get this done.
Will let everyone know more as the days fly by!
YEAH!!! I'm on my way!!!!!
Mar 19, 2008
Okay! Finally some good news. I just got an email from Dr. Singh and he has spoken with the hepatologist about my tests, etc. I've been cleared for the gastric sleeve!!!!!!!!
Now, I just have to be patient and wait for the insurance company to approve this procedure. Shouldn't be long since i was medically approved for the band so hopefully with the added medical information, this will be approved too.
Thank you to all who have stood by me during this time! I will keep everyone updated as things happen.
PS: Happy holidays to all!
Mar 17, 2008
More biopsies were taken of inside my stomach. Seems they found gastritis. There were also some small varacies but nothing that needs to cause concern right now. I will have to have another procedure done in two years.
I am now waiting to hear about the biopsy and the bloodwork which I won't be able to do for another week. The waiting is driving me insane!
I want to know if I am going to have this durn surgery or not. Am I going to die at a young death from the cirrhosis or will the obesity kill me first. I know that if something isn't done, I will not live to see my beloved niece graduate from high school much less see her get married.
I am trying very hard to get back into the six meals a day routine but without an end goal in sight, it is a difficult battle for me. I have gained a little weight back...about 6 pounds but that is 6 pounds too many! I should be losing those pounds!!!!
I am frustrated with the journey right now. Someone asked on one of the boards if God tests us. I think he does. Maybe this is one of His tests for me right now.
Hugs and prayers for all of you who are walking your own journey right now. I just hope that your path is smoother than mine is.
Three weeks have past
Feb 27, 2008
My original biopsy report came back that I had "chronic hepatitis, Grade 3, Stage 4". After having blood work done locally, it was found that I did not have hepatitis but I do have advanced cirrhosis.
I went to see Dr. Singh last week to discuss my options...there aren't too many but there are some. Everything will rest on the recommendation of the hepatologist. When I went to see him yesterday, he said that he is almost positive that I have NASH --nonalcoholic steatohepatitis --fatty liver disease. It seems that the cause for this disease is unclear but it is known to be linked to metabolic syndrome. I have all of the signs and symptoms of NASH.
I have an esopogehal (sp?) scope scheduled for March 12th. He will look for varices and then make a recommendation for surgery with Dr. Singh. Of course I had more blood work done yesterday so maybe that will pinpoint what's going on.
I still have faith that I will have WLS. I am positive that with the care of my doctors, we will make it throught this bump in the road.
Good luck to all of those who have started their personal journey. Remember, we are all here to lean on each other. Thanks for being there for me.