Kairi

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

It's been almost a year since Jeremy passed away.  I was in the hospital twice this month for severe panic attacks.. they're getting better, but my chest still hurts.  Since his passing, I've gained 20 pounds.. that is an extraordinary amount of weight for me and it seems almost impossible for me to lose it.  I now know how everyone feels.. I've been turning to food for comfort.  That is a first in my life and I'll be honest that I've never understood how others did it.  But now I know and it is one of the hardest challenges for me to deal with and I feel like I lose every day.  Last Christmas Jeremy got me the Jillian Michaels Biggest Loser workout DVD.. I started it last month, but gave up when I didn't see fast results.  I am making a promise now to myself and to Jeremy that I will live a healthier lifestyle.  I even tried diet pills, which was the jumpstart of my panic attacks.  I promise to never touch them again.  Sometimes I am weak, but I have God, Jesus, Jeremy, my mom, my friends, and Riley on my side.  I can do this.  I want my old body back!!  My chest hurts So badly all the time and being depressed about my body on Top of Everything Else that I'm depressed about isn't making life any better.  Since his passing, I've lost 2 jobs, quit college, moved back in with my mom, gained 20 pounds, and I'm going bankrupt.  Well, this is the start of a new life for me, even though a life without Jeremy isn't worth living, but I can manage, because I feel him with me and he visits me often.  He's rooting me on.  He only wants me to have happiness and health.  I will begin tomorrow morning, fresh and anew.  Also I'd like to add that I am signing up for new college courses that begin in January, I currently have 1 job and if my drug test comes back negative (which it will) I will have 2 jobs again, and in a few months when the bankruptcy subsides my life will get back on track and the stress of debt will go with it.  May God be with you all on your journeys as He is always with me on mine.  God Bless! 

ps: I love you Jeremy!!!!!!

Despite a few more photos and videos to be added, Jeremy's website is now open!  Please spread the word and let everyone know!

www.usedtobe803.com

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
WILL I WAKE TOMORROW,
FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?

I find some of what you teach suspect,
Because I'm use to relying on intellect.
But I try to open up to things I don't know,
Because REASON SAYS I SHOULD HAVE DIED THREE YEARS AGO...

There's only us,
There's only this,
FORGET REGRET,
OR LIFE IS YOURS TO MISS.
No other road,
No other way,
NO DAY BUT TODAY.

There's only now,
There's only here,
GIVE IN TO LOVE,
OR LIVE IN FEAR.
No other path,
No other way,
NO DAY BUT TODAY!