Background

Aug 13, 2011

Over the past 4 years I have been thinking about bariatric surgery.  Within the last few months I have started looking into the option.  Just this past week my husband and I traveled to Jacksonville to go to a seminar on bariatric surgery.  On the two hour car ride home we discussed what we had learned and both are invested in getting the surgery accomplished for me.  Hopefully I get a call this week to schedule my first appointment!!! 

I was a chunky kid, but during high school I started dancing and at 16 I was down to 115 pounds.  I was featured on modeling websites and dancing magazines, then my senior year I broke my back.  Because of the location of the break I was told that surgery would make me less mobile and the best option was to stop doing what hurt.  I had to step down from my position on my high school's very competitive color guard team.  I startyed gaining weight almost immediately.  I went away for my first year of ocllege and gained the freshman 50 instead of 15.  Throughout the next few years I struggled with anxiety, various health issues and a miscarriage... all the while my weight kept going up, up, up.  I was probably about 220 when I got pregnant with my daughter.  The weight I gained with my pregnancy never went away and she is now 4 years old and I am close to 270. 

We have been trying to have more children with no luck.  I feel like a bad wife and mother.  I want to be able to run around and play with my daughter, I want more children, and I want to be able to go out in public with my family without the feeling that every woman is giving me THAT look.  How did SHE score THAT guy.  And I love the people who ask me incredulously if THAT is MY husband.  And NO, I didn't trick him into marrying me.  I feel like I have let down my super hot husband who started dating a 120 pound sex goddess and now is married to a heffer, I feel likeI have let down my daughter who wants Mommy to play with her more, and most of all, I have let down myself.  Food is an addiction and it is comforting, and I am mostly to blame for the problems I have.  Now that I have gotten so big my back pain has gotten worse.  I can't even attempt to go to the gym to try and work out with my bad back and all this extra weight. 

I am so fortunate that I have a great support system.  My husband drove up to Jacksonville to attend the seminar with me and wants this to be a team effort.  He knows this will mean changes for everyone, and he is commited to helping and being supportive.  We also want to make this a positive change in our family.  Hopefully losing the weight will help us with our fertility issues and will help us teach our daughter and future children better habits.  My husband hopes I will regain some of the confidence I have lost over the years, and I hope so too!  Waiting patiently for my first appointment to be scheduled to see what I need to do to start my journey!

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