karen G.

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Figured I'd put something in here though I don't know where to start.  Life has changed so much since surgery.
I got married on Jan 11 this year... guess that's the biggest news.  My hubby Frank loves me so much.... it's been kind of a weird thing to get used to, in the nicest way possible.  There were times when I didn't think it would ever happen for me, that I'd find my true soulmate.  Times when I gave up hope and resolved myself to being alone in the world.  He's so wonderful and kind and supportive to me.  He's been such a blessing, even when times are hard we love each other so much. I knew Gods love exists, but didn't know how to experience it through someone else before Frankypoo came along.

We've worked very hard together, established a home and have managed to get out and make new happier memories together.  Got a jeep, though I haven't been able to get out there camping with it yet.  I know we'll make it one day soon.
Have a job that I can count on right now... have been there over a year and really like my co-workers most days.  hahahaa

My weight has fluctuated more than I'd like lately, it's a forever battle for me, but I at least feel empowered to take it one with surgery.  Have been experiencing pain after eating lately.  Frank worries about it sometimes, but he doesn't understand the surgery so much.  He is on his own weight loss journey, and am so happy that we can work on it together.  He's been doing really well on his goals and his doctor is happy.

I no longer have any animals, had to give my Gus to a friend when I moved to an apartment.  Since then, I met Frank, moved to a larger apartment for a year and now am in a house that I love.  Am hoping that another pug will come into my life.  I still miss that little hound to this day.  It really crushed me to let him go, but i was in a situation that wouldn't allow our journey together to continue.

Franks family has been pretty wonderful, although there are a few that I haven't met yet.  My family loves Frankypoo, so things have been coming along.  Yep, it's a whole new world and I look forward to the journey now, hand in hand with my true love.  =0)

Had my 3 month appt with my surgeon yesterday.  He was reassuring, but I can't help but be dissapointed with the scale.  According to the tests he did, 119 lbs of me is real, the rest is fat.  So I'm figuring if muscle mass stays the same, 125 or even 135 would be ideal.  I don't feel like I'm losing weight fast enough.  Actually, I feel like I've bounced back to this plateau I can't seem to break.  Doc said that the scale is really a poor indicater of how I'm doing.  My metabolism is within 10% of normal, and with all the working out I've been doing, I'm gaining muscle mass and losing fat.  I should go by how I feel and how my clothes are fitting, not by the scale.  I am down several sizes.  I've got to get back out there at lunch time for my walks, though.  It keeps me sane. 

I'm also swearing off men for a while. The man (I kept - see below).. started acting all lovey dovey since my last blog.  I thought his colors were changing (how dumb of me).  Stood me up for the last time.  That's the end of it for me.  Switch turned off.  Hurt still there.  Stupid heart of mine.  Someday I'll find the guy who treasures me for who I am and will not abuse the word. (love)

The kids haven't been around for a long time.  Last night they were both home - Funny, the same day they both showed.  I really needed to see them after a day like that, it was nice... I helped Naomi make a pillow for her friends birthday.  They bought calzones.  I had a quarter of one.  Now, wouldn't you think that after that doctors visit I would be able to control myself better?  Good grief.  I wasn't really thinking about the man thing, but I'm sure it was emotional eating... maybe I should see someone about that.  It wouldn't have been so bad, but I had already had chili for dinner.  From now on, I'm going for a bike ride when I feel that coming on.  Day or night!  Hot or not.

So - how's that for 3 months?  hahaha!  Today is actually the 3 month mark... the doc didn't have an appt open for me today, so I had it a day early.  I'm going to have a re-do today!!  yeayyy!!! I know it'll be sooo much better.  =0)   

The pool at the gym opened up, and I've been going on Fridays after I work out.  the jacuuzi took a little longer, but I was able to go in there last Friday - and boy, it made a difference on my aching muscles!  Lovin it.  I'm not getting out on my bike like I had planned because it's soo flipping HOT here in AZ right now... if I could get out of bed earlier on the weekend I could probly get out there.  Will try.  Am still working out Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for an hour, but not getting out there for my walks at lunch any more - since I started coming back in drenched in sweat and smelly, i'm sure...  Found out that weathercasters take the high temp for the day in the shade!! Do you know how many trees there are out here?? not! gee whiz

Daughter is officially moved out.  I'm adjusting.  Son is out of the house more than home - always running and doing stuff w/church and friends. He's a good kid, so I'm not too worried about it.  He'll be a senior this year and wants to stay at the same high school to graduate with his buddies... so, that's ok, too.  I'm feeling a little empty nest these days, but as long as i keep busy things are good.

The man trouble has subsided.  Just keeping the one - who has stopped  the critisism... i think i was being a little sensitive now that i look back at it.  I think he's considering moving with me when I go to an apt... weird.  We'll see how that works itself out.  He's not committed to me, so unless that changes - and he's not that type - then I don't really feel like I should be committed to him.  So why move with the guy?  humph.  He ties up my emotions and keeps me from finding the right guy... maybe I'd be better off to keep my distance.  geez 

Work had a light round of layoffs... it's made me re-think my next location to move.  Think i'm going close to the gym and church instead of by work.  It's still closer, but more central to my "real" life.

I'm worried now that i'm able to eat too much.  I had a grilled ceasar salad from McDs yesterday and only left a couple of the chicken pieces behind!  Geez, I know that veggies crunch down to nothing, but didn't expect to be able to eat so much.  (eek)  At least it was one of their healthier choices... 1/2 the calories is in the dressing.

I discovered that I am sensitive to sugar substitutes - they were making me ravenous... once I cut those out, the hunger has gone to a more "normal" level.

Been feeling a bit grumpy.  I think it's the heat... 

Still working bit by bit on the house.  Think I'll set the price at 165K.  Is 1277 sq ft w/3 bd, 2 ba... so i think it's fair.  Not going to pay an agent, or will have to increase the price.

that's about it.  Thanks for taking the time to listen to me ramble.  =0)

Stardate May 30, 2007
The 5 wk checkup was pretty uneventful.  I didn't lose as much weight as i was hoping, so that was pretty disapointing.  I got to watch a film about introducing meats back into my diet, and the doctor said i'm doing just fine.

My bike came in over the weekend, and my son put it together for me.  He's a good kid (16).  Last night he changed out the seat for the cushie model, and i'm looking forward to taking a spin.

I'm worried about my food intake right now.  I think i'm abusing the system a little, and eating too much.  Yet i'm freaking hungry... not sure what that's all about, but i feel better after posting a message on the forum.  Going at lunch to get some string cheese and cottage cheese to help stave off the hunger.

I've joined the gym, and am going 3 times / week.  I love the ab machine - i think i joined just to do that.  The pool is being resurfaced and needs an inspector to approve it before they'll reopen, so not swimming yet.  Can hardly wait - for that, and the jacuuzi.  =0)

I'm also looking up self-affirmations and reading them daily.  It is helping me keep my spirits up.  Having a couple of man-troubles.  One who seems set on critisizing my everything, and another who is so very loving and wants back in my life - but he "borrowed" $210 last time we were together, and I haven't seen it since.  I know, stupid of me - broke my own cardinal rule - to never lend money to a man i'm dating... i felt so bad for him and really wanted to help.  Of that, i'm not sorry - but since he promised to pay me back and hasn't, feeling pretty foolish.  Yet my heart goes out to the guy and he truely makes me feel loved when we are together... geez. what a nut case i am.  He made me promise to think about it so we can talk about it next time he calls - and it's practically all i can think about.  Maybe that's why i'm so hungry.  hmmmm.... could be something to that.  

My daughter has moved out - not officially yet, but for all intensive purposes, she's moved in with the boyfriend.  She's 20, so what can i say?  Not much - just appreciating the moments as blessings.

Trying to get my house together to sell it.  Need to move closer to work, and down size a little.  Might go to an apartment until the last kid moves out...

So - that's my life right now.  thanks for listening.  =0)  -kg

Stardate May 16, 2007 

Tomorrow I go in for my 5 week checkup.

It will actually be 1 day early due to scheduling difficulties at the doctor’s office.  I need my appts to be late in the day to accommodate my employer as much as possible.

 

How am I doing?  Pretty great.  Once in a while some food gets “stuck”, but so far it’s passed.  Had a couple of bouts w/dumping syndrome, but it’s not as bad as people make it out to be.  I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost, but I know that all my clothes are fitting differently.  I’m swimming in some of the old stand bys… so that’s interesting.  I don’t want to spend money on clothes right now.  Luckily, I’ve been so many different sizes, I have a storage of clothes to sort through.  The one item I’m splurging on is yoga pants.  They are nice and comfy and don’t tear up my stomach like some items do.  And I can get away with them at work if I wear a long shirt over them.  I  was a standard 22W, with them getting tight when I started this thing.  The last pair I bought was a 16W.  (hummmm… maybe I’ll get into real sizes?)  hard to believe…

 

I’ve been trying to walk every day… take a day off here and there.  Am losing my enthusiasm for it with the heat, so am hoping the doc will release me to join a gym tomorrow.  I think I’ve decided to join the one up the street from work so I can stop in there at lunch (maybe) and on the way home.  If they still have the $19 deal… haven’t seen it advertised lately so it may be over.  Am not sure about working out with men to witness me… feel more comfy at a women’s gym when working out the inner thighs.  But it may be a sacrifice I’m willing to make if the convenience and cost are worth while.  My son wants me to join Bally’s with him.  It would be ok, but I can’t imagine him getting up in the morning to go workout with mom.  He’s grumpy in the morning.  According to him, they have a pool and it’s only $24/mo.  Each.  I’m thinking that I would end up paying for his, too.  It sounds like a fight already.

 

I’m having challenges with finding enough protein to get in me.  My fingernails are splitting (more than usual), and my skin feels dry, so I know I’ve got to find something more.   I have 5 tubs of powder.  I don’t like them.  Found a supplement called achiev that I really like w/20 grams, but at $2 a pop, I need to stick to one of those a day.  Besides, I don’t want to burn out on it. 

  

I’m going to the salon tonight to see if my stylist can waive a magic wand over my hair.  It’s so fine… nothing like the think masses I had in my youth.  Yeah, I know.  Protein, protein protein… 

 

I heard that some people have problems with depression after surgery.  To tell you the truth, it was hard for me to imagine.  How could depression hit when the world is finally evolving into what you want it to be?  Now I get it.  It feels slow from inside this body.  And nothing has changed inside my head.  Except I’m trying to find alternatives to my old habits… they are hard to break.  When I get skinny, I want to do swing dancing.  I’ll have to find a strong partner for that.  Still hoping against hope that my soulmate is out there somewhere, looking for me too.  But if I’m meant to be alone – so be it.  As long as God is always there for me, I’ll be ok anyway.

  

Been thinking about visiting some friends/family.  For some weird reason, I don’t want to see them until I lose some more of the excess weight.  Sounds crazy I suppose – but I want them to know that I’m finally achieving some success in this last area of my life.  And at the same time, I don’t want too much attention about it all.  I’m still me in here, dammit.

  

Also been considering purchasing a Landrider bike.  Went so far as to inquire about the weight capacity (300lbs, so I’m fine there)… been thinking I should get one of those little pull along carts for my pug, Gus and take him to the dog park.  It’s just so blazing hot out there… would I really use it?  I used to love riding when I was a kid.  But the last time I joined a gym I found that I couldn’t ride on anything but the recumbent (?) bikes... the ones that recline.  I know I’m not buying a bike like that – not cool.  Used to have a neighbor from who rode one in his light blue speedo.  Totally turned me off of it for a lifetime.

  

Got my first comment from someone who I didn’t think even liked me yesterday.  She said she can tell I’ve lost weight… she can see it in my face.  Hmmm…  okay….

 

A couple of friends have said something, but I just chalked it up to them being nice.  =0)

Well, I guess I’m done venting for now.  I do feel better.  Thanks for indulging my wandering mind.  The stones on this path can feel a little rough at times.  I’m glad I’m on this road anyway.  Take it easy!  -kg