I used to be thin. 130 pounds thin. Then I met my first husband. And he ate 3 meals a day. I loved him, so I ate with him. And the pounds started coming. Three children and 10 years later I've gained almost 100 pounds. We grew apart and ended up divorced. 
I remarried 6 years ago to the man of my dreams. He is my everything. He has always accepted me for who I am and he says my size isn't an issue to him. But it was never far from my mind. My self esteem went into the gutter and I became deeply depressed. So much that I pulled away from my friends, family and the world.  Most days I didn't leave the house or even get dressed. My knees and hips hurt all the time and I had back problems from just being lazy.. And I was drinking WAY too much. I sat at home on my computer filling my house with crap I bought on eBay. I became a person that I hate. Depression changed me. I did and said things that I am so sicked about. I think I wanted everyone to be as unhappy as I was with myself. Some things I didn't even realize I was doing. I hurt people being selfish and stupid. I have several bridges to repair. I know I'm being hard on myself, but I have to. I'll never go back to being that person. EVER.
I've been looking at weight loss surgery for quite a while. I have lost and gained the same pounds so many times they have frequent flyer miles on my butt.  I have spend hours reading about all the different options and surgeries and reading all the posts on the boards. I've mentioned having surgery to my husband a few times, but I never really pursued it. Our insurance excludes it and I just didn't think it would ever happen.
But I started making changes in my life anyway. I kept going back to the doctor until I found an anti-depressant that WORKED. I started drinking less and have finally given up drinking and my head is so much clearer. I talked to my husband about going to Mexico and paying for the surgery. He said we'd work it out and to make the arrangements.  I've stopped the shopping and have been clearing the house of all the junk we don't need. It feels good to lose the clutter.  I cleaned out my closets of all the clothes I'll never wear again. I don't have a lot of smaller sized clothes so it will be interesting buying smaller clothes as I shrink back into the person I know is inside. 
I have been agressively watching what I eat and with the liquid pre-op diet I have lost almost 30 pounds. I am proud of myself and can already see some changes. My husband and I have been more active and walking and I already feel stronger. I'm still slow, but after spending so much time doing nothing I am beginning to have more energy.  I even signed up for skiing lessons this winter.  I will be joining my family on the slopes this year instead of watching from the lodge. So I not only have to lose the weight, I have to get into shape !  Bunny hops and lunge walking to get my ski legs strong  ;} I have a treadmill and will be walking on it on rainy days. Nice days I hope to get fresh air.
I am 100% certain this is what I want to do, but my DH is feeling that since I have lost weight with the diet and exercise that I can just do the whole thing without surgery. I know he loves me and is concerned about complications and it makes me love him even more. But I know deep in my heart and soul that this is what I want and need. As the pounds melt away and the woman I want to be emerges, I hope he sees this was the RIGHT thing for me.
I am so blessed to also have the support of my 3 boys and daughter-in-law.  They all know that I want to be healthy and that I have been unhappy being heavy.  I want to see my beautiful grandson grow up and my other 2 boys find their loves. My parents were also supportive. My cousin and the few friends I have shared my surgery with have also been behind me.  I haven't told everyone. It's a personal choice for me and right now I don't think everyoone I know needs to know my business.  I'm sure as I lose weight and become more confident I'll care less and less who knows. Right now I just don't want the attention. 
I am so excited I can hardly wait! I want my life back. I want to be healthy. I want to wear pretty clothes. My journey has just begun.

About Me
33.5
BMI
VSG
Surgery
10/01/2010
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Feb 27, 2008
Member Since

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