kat2000
I wore what they called a chubbette size when I was in grade school. By high school I had thinned down but when I compared myself to my school peers, I felt fat next to them. Now when I look back at those photo's of my high school years & see that I wasn't fat, I realize I got my perspective from the media, TV, magazines, & peer pressure put on young girls to be skinny. I goal was to be an airline stewardess but I wasn't skinny enough & couldn't wear glasses. Thus I thought I was FAT and gave up my dream! I got married in 1973 to who I thought was a wonderful man. I was too young, just shy of 21. I was naive.
I weighed 213# when I had my first son in 1977. When I had my second son, I weighed 280#. That was 1980. I was doing lots of yo-yo dieting after having my son's. But I would always gain it back plus more.
In 1985 I had a routine D & C. My doctor perforated my bowel but it wasn't discovered until 3 weeks after the fact. By then, my stool had been emptying into my abdomen for 3 weeks which caused gangrene everywhere. All my organs were soldered together in one big abdominal mass. My doctor wouldn't listen to my pleas for help, nor my obvious signs & symptoms. He said it was menstrual cramps but I knew better. He also said I was too fat & needed to exercise. I was rushed in for emergency surgery & the discovery of bowel perforation left me with a colostomy. It also nearly left me dead. That was the beginning of health problems that have followed me ever since. The next 3 years, I had 3 more surgeries to correct the damage done. I had severe endometrosis, even in my bowel & abdomen. I also had to have a complete hysterectomy in stages, from the damage. But I was so blessed because I also got to have my colostomy re-connected. And I lost weight! I was down to 196#. I also felt blessed that God gave me my 2 son's before this tragedy happened. I thank God for sparing my life & giving me another chance. My team of doctor's said they never saw such a strong woman as me & how much of an inspiration I was to them. They said it was a miracle that I lived.
Things had already been rocky in my marriage & this just made things worse. I realized my husband had not married me "in sickness & in health." There was no compassion, no understanding, & he was distant. He couldn't cope with a sick wife. He was verbally & emotionally abusive. Fast forward 23 years. I found out he had been cheating on me. We had tried marriage counseling 3 times by now. He then had another affair with a woman he met at the counseling office. So much for marriage counseling! I guess I needed to be completely humiliated to get a backbone. I filed for divorce & eventually found myself a new life thanks in part to bariatric surgery.
At the time I didn't realize how God was already molding & reshaping me into the plans he had for me. Whenever one door is closed, He opens another. I needed complete defeat & surrender in my life to gain His victory. I was divorced & an empty nester. My son's were both at college (Yeah Purdue), & I didn't know how to be anything except a mom. I thought my life was over! How would I survive life on my own? I went through my own personal hell & from all that I rose from the ashes. My hell included stuffing anything & everything in my mouth anytime I wanted. I lived & breathed for FOOD!! My form of suicide was eating myself to death. I found strength within me that I never knew existed.
I was 48 years old & weighed 350# from years of emotional eating. I had high BP, sleep apnea, migraines, urinary incontinence, ligament damage in the bottom of both feet, heel spurs, osteopenia, IBS, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, GERD, & depression. I was now walking with a cane due to severe osteoarthritis in both knee's & edema in my lower legs. My MO took a huge toll on my knee's. I could barely walk w/o terrible pain & losing my breath. I was seeing a chronic pain doctor & spent my time going from one specialist to another for all my health problems. I sat down to take a shower on a convalescent seat. I had someone clean my house & mow my lawn. I couldn't stoop over to put my own shoes on, nor climb stairs. I was sweaty all the time. I couldn't walk around my house but I could always make it to the fridge to find comfort food. I could always get in my car & go thru the drive up windows to get burgers, fries, doughnuts, & ice cream. I could go to restaurants by myself & eat myself into oblivion. All the restaurants knew me as a frequent visitor & by my first name....but NOT anymore! LOL Boy did I shock the socks off of all of them 2 years later & even 9 yrs later. Yeah!
I was feeling sorry for myself, had no self confidence, & I hated myself. I hadn't been to a mall in years & did limited shopping in the grocery store. I only got what I wanted, junk food! I tried to go back to college & was humiliated when I couldn't fit in the school desk. Walking from class to class & the long walks thru the parking lot was pure torture on my body & knee's. I couldn't handle it physically or emotionally. Another blow to my self esteem.
My knee's got so bad that a friend had to drive me to the orthopedic doctor. I could barely walk in his office the pain was so excruciating. I felt like a hippo walking in there. He told me I needed to have both of my knee's replaced & I desperately needed to take weight off. AlsoI needed to exercise but wasn't able to do it. Every doctor told me these same things. I was 48 & told I had the body of a 70 year old. A doctor suggested gastric bypass & I said no way! I felt so defeated but there's something that didn't fail me. My faith. I had given up but God hadn't given up on me. I had been through my own personal hell. What could possibly be harder than that???I got angry & got the fight back in myself. I felt that strength in me that was there when I almost died before. It was time to start living again! I realized I had to go "through" my storms in life instead of taking the detours. I had to walk through my fear and "work" through it. Nothing was going to be handed to me. This was my choice.
I prayed alot about this. I knew if I didn't do something, I would end up in a nursing home or dead. I started going to support group meetings & learning everything I could about WLS. I left it in God's hands. I know he lead me to this decison. I was approved very quickly & on Sept. 18, 2000, I had my gastric bypass. It was done open & due to my prior abdominal surgery history, I felt blessed to even be a candidate for surgery. God gave me yet another chance to start my life over. I wasn't going to let him down or myself.
This was the first major decision I made entirely on my own. For the first time in my life I was putting MY needs first. I had hit my bottom & I had nowhere to go but up! This surgery saved my life & gave me life back. I had a 10" incision but no complications. One hour after I got settled in my room, I got up & started walking laps. I never looked back from there. I walked & exercised & followed my yellow sheet.
I had drive, determination, focus, passion,& followed my program to the letter. I walked out of the hospital with normal blood pressure & off HBP meds. 3 weeks after surgery I was told I was dairy intolerant. This was a blessing to me because I loved ice cream. I use to eat a pint a day. One month post op I was off my sleep apnea machine & was walking 2 times around my block with my cane. 2 months after surgery I retired my cane & haven't used it since! It still hangs on my door knob to remind me of how far I've come. 6 mos after surg I was in water aerobics. I exercised from the get go, little by little. I turned negative into positives & detours into learning & growing while making my way back on course.
My highest weight I could find recorded was 353#. I lost 28# before surgery. The day of surgery I weighed 325#, 6 mos later I had lost 118#, & 1 yr. later I had lost 168# from my highest wt of 353. I dropped 12 dress sizes. I had also lost over 9 feet in inches the first year. In 2 yrs. I had lost 225#& exceeded my goal weight.
I was on pureed food for the first 6 weeks after surgery & I did puree all my food in a blender. I did all of it before I went in for surgery. (I was very organized). I pureed my meat, veggies, & fruit & put them in the 1 ounce cups & froze them. When I came home everything was cooked, prepared & measured for me. All I had to do was take it out of the freezer & pop it in the microwave to thaw it. I was diligent in getting my protein in, drinking water, & exercising from the get go. Before I went in for surgery, I cleaned out & re-stocked my kitchen. I didn't feel deprived. I kept my thoughts & attitude positive. I had a banquet of "choices" in my freezer in those little 1 oz cups. My life was about "choices" & I was choosing to follow my program. I had a hunger for something far more sweet than food.
I have been blessed with changing not only my body size, but changing my attitude, & how I looked at nourishing my body & soul. I knew the surgery was only a tool. I had to change from the inside out, not the other way around. I had that mindset before the WLS & pursued counseling & would strongly recommend it to everyone. I couldn't do what I had always done in all my diets of the past. If I kept doing what I had always done, I would keep getting the same result...failure. I had to look with`in myself. I learned to develop new healthy habits & find new, fresh, fun things to do to replace my emotional eating. Self control, saying no & disciplining myself would not happen over night. Every short term goal that I achieved was like setting a fire of determination & confidence in myself.
I did it one day at a time, one step at a time, 1 change at a time, 1 choice at a time. (my four 1's) I set small, short term goals for myself & surrounded myself with positive people that supported my decision. I went to all the support groups & I had an incredible new bariatric family. Most importantly, I relied on my faith in God to get through each & every day. Taking risks, believing in what you can't yet see, & having the willingness to make positive changes using the power of my four 1's have made this journey worth it to me. I didn't feel defeated. I took I can't out of my vocabulary. Failure was not an option. With God all things are possible. With hope it's possible. My story has a beginning but no end....... stay tuned. I've only just begun.
Hugs and Blessings,
Kat
About Me
Before & After
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