KathieInHawaii

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Why is it that time goes by so fast when you wish it would slow down just a wee bit? 

August was a whirlwind!!!! We moved to a new house. Inherited 3 expensive koi fish and learned about the nuances of having a koi pond. I even bought two new littlel gorgeous koi for our inside tank (70 gallons) to watch them grow. It is a new hobby I guess!!!

Lets see.... an update on yours truly! At my June 28th doctors' appointment, I was devastated at the prospect of possibly having a reversal of my RNY. 

I hit a huge milestone of being 5 years postop on August 7th and then I had a birthday on August 9th! Talk about a big week!!!!!

The good news is that the new vitamin, supplementation, increased dietary intake seem to have made a bit of a difference. It is still too soon to say that all is well...but I feel better!!!!! Did manage to lose a few pounds which was devastating  because they were going to hospitalize me if I went below 85 pounds. I am happy to say that I am at 92 today..and have managed to get up to 95 at times!! I am hoping to hit the 100 mark and stay there. 

I need new clothesbut am too depressed to even contemplate going shopping. When my hubby bought me underwear, he read the package for weights, etc. and he bought me a size 7 little girls panties. BARBIE UNDERROOOS no less. That was funny and painful at the same time. 
I can't fit into a size 0...so I have to wear little girls sizes. But they are too short. 

Enough whining... because things could be worse!!!! I could be dead. 

I feel pretty great today!!! I might actually be able to work on the eliptical trainer for a few minutes. I haven't been able to do that in months. To me that is a huge milestone. 

Thank God for MCT Oil and ADEKs chewable vitamins. Oh...and Burger King too. 

Have a wonderful weekend!
Much Love!
Be The Best Loser You Can Be!

Hugs,
Kathie in Hawaiii

During the past few years, I have gone through a lot. More than the average bear? Maybe....maybe not. I tend to be an optimist in general but this past week has been very tough. I try to count my blessings each and every day because there are SO many. Why is it that I cannot stop crying today? I feel so darned weak. I couldn't even go shopping for a pair of shoes because I can't stand up long enough to get from the mall parking lot to the stores. I can't go to my son's open house at school because I can't scrape up the energy to go and can't stop throwing up. My 12 year old tries to console me by hugging me and telling me that it will all be okay. But WHEN???? When is enough? I am terrified to go to the doctor because every time I do, they find something else wrong with me. I am terrified to try on clothes because the thought of buying little girls clothes is sickening. I had this surgery to make me healthy. Now that it is sucking the life out of me each and every day.....I don't know if I have what it takes to continue. Do I just give up or do I just linger on like this forever? Would my family be better off without me? 

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. As for today, I feel defeated, beaten up, mad and angry. I don't want to live like this anymore. I pray that soon they will find that magic bullet to make all my troubles go away. Especially for my wonderful husband, Lenny and my two wonderful boys, Lee and TIm. About a year ago, I lost the best friend of my life and without her smile, her laughter and her zest for life....well lets just say I have lost my sparkle and my heart.

Well, today is my 5th year anniversary since I had my Open RNY. Though this is not exactly where I wanted to be five long long years ago.... well, lets just say it has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination. 

BUT, this too shall pass, right? That which doesn't kill us... puts us in the hospital for a LONG LONG time. lol 

Enough said. I have been blessed in so many ways that I don't have the heart OR need to complain about my journey. 

To all that are just starting out.... take each day as it comes. Remember that your journey is YOUR own! Remember that this IS a journey and that we can't lose it all overnight... and finally, rejoice in your accomplishments daily and remind yourself when you hit plateaus or feel somewhat defeated of how far you have come and how much healthier you are now!