Happy Rebirthday to me :)

Jan 11, 2010

One year ago today I had surgery.  I can't believe how quickly time has flown!  I have lost a little over 100 lbs, I am no longer on blood pressure medication, anti depressants, my fibromyalgia is much better than it had been previously and I love the new me.  I've got about 4lbs to reach my "ultimate" goal of a BMI of 22.0 and I know that I will get there it will just take a little bit.  Like so many others I wish I had done this much sooner and I would do it again in a heart beat.  I told my husband last night that today was my birthday and he just gave me this really strange look, but I do look at it as my ReBirthday.  I will celebrate the new me, enjoy each day that life has to offer, and thank each and every one of you for supporting me along the way.  Knowing that I had you folks to go to when I had questions or concerns made me feel like I wasn't alone.
Thank you all.
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6 months and counting

Jul 26, 2009

I'm six months out and I feel NORMAL.  I don't have much problems with things except bread which I try to stay away from.  I may have a small bite or two to satisfy the desire but I'm not missing it all that much.  I'm down 80lbs and I can't believe it.  I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or a glass and I don't hardly recognize myself.  I still feel like I'm 200+ lbs, thinking I won't fit into certain areas.  I went shopping this weekend and I bought size 8s.  When I started out I was in 18s and probably really should have been in 20s but frankly I had told myself that I refused to buy clothes that big.  I've went from a 38FF to a 34D.  I can go shopping in my 14 year olds closet   I am still concerned about when I go back to see the doctor in a few weeks that he will think that I have not lost enough.  I'm sure his comment about me being a slow looser was made off handed but it has stuck with me.  I'm not as good about taking my vitimines as I should be.  I'm great about it at work but when I'm at home, frankly I suck.  I still need to get to the gym but I have been taking the stairs at work and I'd like to start going up to the school in the evenings and walking the track.
My very dear friend is in California right now dealing with her husbands estate and she has asked if I would come visit her, she hasn't seen me since April.  I would absolutely love to go out and see her, I just need to get the money together.  She is one of those tall blondes, maybe been 10lbs over ideal in her entire life, seemed to have everything that one could want...you know the kind as an overweight person you would be surprised if they would give you the time of day.  Candy has been my number one cheerleader, even before surgery.  When I had my surgery she asked if I wanted to come to her place (3 hours away) to recover there.  Now that she is going through all of these hard times with the estate I want to go see her, show her how important she is to me, and let her know that she's not alone even though she is half the country away.  I hope everyone has the opportunity to have one really great friend in life that you would go to the ends of the earth for and know that they would do the same for your in a heartbeat, even without asking.
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4 month update

May 22, 2009

I had my 4 month check up with Dr. G yesterday and I'm down 66 lbs.  I can't tell you how happy I was when he told me "good job" especially after my two week check up when he was upset and told me that I was a slow looser.  I wish I had gone down more clothes sizes, I'm still in XL and L tops (Okay I guess I have went down 1 size in my tops) and I've went from a 18W to a 16W.  I was able to wear a pair of 15 regular jean shorts, they aren't comfortable but I believe that it's because they come up above my belly button.  I am still at a loss as to what to eat for lunch.  Every day at work I have a cheese stick for breakfast and a half a cup of cottage cheese for lunch.  A personal WOW for me, yesterday I was able to shave my legs myself yesterday.  I can't tell you the last time I was able to do that.  Maybe I'll shave more now!  I can wear some of the same shirts that my normal weight 14 year old daughter can wear and that makes me excited.  Dr. Gorospe wants me to take prenatal vitimines because they are complete and smaller than One A Days which I have problems taking.  I'm so close to being in the 150s.  I don't think I've weighed that for almost 20 years.  Other things I've noticed my show belt which is an XL (I believe it's a 40) I can wear now with the buckle that came with it, no trophy buckle needed as an extender AND I've got one hold left My in-laws still do not know that I've had surgery.  They commented after my daughters end of year concert that I've lost a lot of weight and that they were concerned about me.  My mother in law wanted to know how I did it.  I told her that I was eating very little, protein first, then veggies, then fruit, no soda or sweet tea, My father in law sent me an email and told me that he hoped I was doing it for the right reasons because he was concerned.  I told him that I did it because I wanted to see my grandkids grow up and that I was being followed by two doctors and a nutritionist - none of this is a lie.  The reason I didn't tell them is because my husband's cousin's husband was looking into having surgery and they were making comments about how Donnie was fine how he was and if he really wanted to loose weight he could do it on his own.  I didn't think they would be any more supportive of me.  I talked to my dad's step-mom on Mothers Day (I hadn't told her either but I really don't talk to her) and she was telling me about her neighbor who had the surgery and is now fatter than she was before.  I don't need that kind of support.  I'll try to post more often but I'm feeling SO much better and I'm motivated to go and do things outside which I haven't in ages.  Even though I'm a slow looser I'm so thankful that I had this surgery and I think if I didn't loose more that I would be happy.  My doctors goal for me is 120, I figure if I get to 130 that would be 120 with about 10lbs of skin and that seems doable.  When I get to goal I'm going to ride this out as long as I possibly can.  I want to have room for some bounce back and as long as I'm healthy I don't care.
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Feeling like a failure

Feb 18, 2009

I don't know if this is the "Buyers Remorse" that people talk about.  I don't regret having the surgery but in the past week I've gained 4 lbs.  I'm not sure why this is happening.  I'm doing pretty good getting in my fluids and almost hitting my protein target with food.  Twice in the past week I've started to eat dinner and I've wound up getting sick so I haven't  eaten dinner.  I'm not constipated.  I really don't know why the scale is going the wrong direction.  I go back to the surgeon in a little over a week and I don't want to get yelled at.  At my first appointment at 2 weeks post op he seemed disappointed that I hadn't lost more.  I'm taking in about 600-800 calories a day.  No I'm not working out yet.  I am 5 weeks out and won't be cleared for exercise for another week.  I've heard so many people say that you could do everything wrong the first 6 months and still loose weight and I feel like I'm doing things right and I'm not!   My husband says that this is a plateau but c'mon I shouldn't be gaining if it was a plateau, the scale wouldn't be moving.  I didn't tell people at work that I was having this surgery because I didn't want them to know incase I failed AGAIN, now it seems like that's exactly what is happening.  I'm so tired of being a failure.  I don't know what I'm going to do if this doesn't work.
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One week down

Jan 20, 2009

Well it was my one week anniversary yesterday, I go back on Friday for a follow up with Dr. Gorospe.  I've lost 10lbs so far this week which seems really good, but normally if I had lost 10 lbs I could tell a difference in my clothes.  My stomach is still bloated and I'm still tender on my left side and where the On Q pain pump was.  Right now I think I'm going to shoot for another week off of work.  I still get very tired when I go out anyplace and I can only sit about an hour in a chair before my back really starts bothering me.  I know that I've got a good chair at work but I don't think it's going to cause the pain and numbness that I'm getting in my upper back to go away.  I've been doing a lot of cooking and trying new recipes on the family.  It makes things seem more "normal" but since I can't eat what I'm cooking I have no way of knowing if the recipes are good or if they are just eating them to keep me happy.  I seem very weepy lately.  Sam says that I'm doing a good job, but I don't KNOW that I'm doing a good job.  Also with being off of work I have been thinking about my work situation.  I like what I do but there is no job security in Telecom and I'm so sick of layoffs (okay who are they kidding, nobody comes back, you're really being fired!).  My group went from over 30 18 months ago to 5 now (assuming nobody was down sized while I was gone) with more work to do and higher goals to reach.  I don't know if I'm really not happy there or if it's just the surgery/hormones and not being on my anti-depressant that is making me resent going back to work or what.  I have been thinking that if I get let go that I would go back to school and become and LPN.  It seems like a good fit for me.  Initially I wanted to be a vet but I was afraid that my math grades would keep me out of vet school (it's actually harder to get accepted to vet school than medical school) but I have always loved the problem solving aspect of it as well as being able to help those in need.  It seems like in nursing at least there is some job stability and if I don't like where I'm at I can always go somewhere else.  I thought about taking some classes at night but it doesn't appear that it's something that I can do while I keep working in my current job.  Maybe next week I'll feel better about things.
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It's done

Jan 14, 2009

I had my surgery on Monday Jan 12.  I can't believe that it's actually happened.  Right now if it wasn't for the bloated feeling and being sore I'm not sure that I would believe that it happened.  It's very challenging cutting up my medication and then trying to drink enough to get them down.  I feel like I've got to burp after each drink, that could be a real pain in the butt.  Just thought I would check in.
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The waiting game begins

Oct 07, 2008

I found out that on September 26th my information was mailed to the insurance company. I have been on this journey for almost 10 months, with the last 7 being on the physician supervised diet. I'm so sick of jerky and salad. I thought I would have last meal syndrome really bad but you know after all of these months of no bread or anything like that I'm not really wanting it that much and when I have had something like a hamburger I wind up not eating all of the bread.
I know that I need the surgery more than ever, a good friend of ours died after having a stroke, she had been over weight for years and had lost about 300lbs but had been overweight for years and still had mobility issues. She had a stroke because of bloodclots from immobility. She leaves behind a 13 year old. I love Sharon and there was a lot that I would like to emulate, however, dying early and not seeing my children grow up is not one of them.

I'm not big on asking for prayers but if I could get some approval prayers I'd really appreciate it.

diet finally over!

Sep 18, 2008

Yesterday I had my last weigh in, I'm SO glad it's over.  My scale had broke a couple of weeks ago and since I had been a slave to the scale I was scared that I had gained weight but I actually lost.  Dr. Colpitt should be sending my weight history and my sleep study results to Dr. Gorospes office in the next week.  Hopefully I'll get approved pretty soon.  My birthday is in December, maybe my rebirth day will be at the same time!

Psych consult out of the way

Jul 19, 2008

I finally had my pysch testing, took forever to get an approval.  I've got another appointment with Dr. Nicholas on 8/15/08 which should also be around the same time as my last month on the 6 month diet.  I hope that I know something by that time in September as to whether I'm approved for surgery or not.  I was hoping that I would have surgery in September or October but right no I guess I could hope to have it by my birthday (December 10th) - in a way it would be very cool to have my birthday and my rebirth-day in the same month.  Another cool thing with the pre-op diet my BMI is down to the 38 range, I've still got my co-morbidities so I'm not worried about insurance denying me because of the weight loss.  Another cool thing - I told one of my good friends Candy about the surgery and that one of my goals was to be able to ride again.  She told me in two years she would have several western pleasure horses for me to choose from   Candy is a pretty well known quarter horse breeder in Pilot Point and I would be thrilled to have another one of her horses.

Feeling Depressed

Jun 01, 2008

Right now I'm in a place I don't like.  I feel like this is never going to happen.  I've got 3 more months of my montly appointments with my PCP for weight loss.  My PCPs office hasn't been able to get in touch with the Psychologist that Dr. Gorospe's office would like me to see.  I had called my case manager a month ago and never got an answer back.  I go to the OH message boards and everybody is talking about being on the "looser's bench" but right now I feel like that's never going to be me.  I feel SO discouraged.  When I went to the doctor a week ago I told the lady who gets the referrals I don't care who she gets me in to see, if this lady isn't going to return their calls.  I NEED to feel like I'm making some progress and not just sitting around.  If I felt like I was making traction I think I would be more inclined to get out and walk.  I'm doing low carb as my pre-op diet but I'm not doing very well.  I'm loosing weight but I'm having more than 20 gr of carbs a day.  This past week I ate watermelon, strawberries, grapes, and pineapple each day for lunch.  I know it's healthy and much better than fast food or even taking my typical turkey sandwhich for lunch but it's still got carbs in it.  I love reading how others are doing but it can be depressing when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere on my own case.

About Me
oologah, OK
Location
20.5
BMI
RNY
Surgery
01/12/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 26, 2008
Member Since

Friends 13

Latest Blog 15
The waiting game begins
diet finally over!
Psych consult out of the way
Feeling Depressed

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