kathy S.

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I think I saw someone post the other day that they were tired of eating.  The idea of not being able to eat certain foods is really scary as they have been somewhat of a way of life for me.  McDonald's #1 combo with a diet coke.  What a joke!  It's definitely going to require more planning and preparation to make sure that I am eating the right things and I'm ready for that challenge.

Thinking on to exercise...hmmm...what an uninteresting thought.  I don't like to exercise because it hurts.  My knees, my back, my feet.  I hate to be out of breath.  I do like to take walks and love to swim, but the thought of entering back into the sweating painful world of exercise is unappealing to me.  I did Curves for 6 months last year and the aches and pains in the beginning were awful.  then i just increased my calorie consumption to match the increase in appetite and I didn't lose any weight.  Lost a couple of inches though.  But, alas, they are back on with a vengence.

I'd like to have surgery before my husband leaves for 5 months to Wichita Falls TX for another school.  I'd like to have that support here for the first few days out of surgery!  That's my sense of urgency.  I got so excited when Ruth called me with the approval and saw how fast Laura got her surgery date and now, I've been waiting for a week since my approval to hear back about a date.  I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard to think my husband may not be here for major surgery!

UGH.  I really want to scream right now!

Now that I know insurance has been approved, I jump when the phone rings.  I've been dealing with obesity since I was in my teens.  It's always been the comment, "but you have such a pretty face."  Which in reality means, "it's too bad you are so fat."

Sunday was my son's 19th birthday.  I cannot believe I have a 19 year old son and I am about to regain my youth.  I look forward to the day I don't have to get a push off to get off the couch or get up from my chair.  I long for the day when I can take a walk with my husband.

Everyone around me is supportive to my face, but I wonder what they think behind my back.  I don't care.  I know this is a psychological disease and I am using a surgical tool to help me cure it.  Why I overeat, I don't really know.  I was sexually abused as a young child (around 5) and I wasn't fat before then, but the pounds started to creep on in late elementary school, then more in middle school, then more in high school (up and down though) but the majority came after I was married.

So, I titled this blog, "the weight is on" because it definitely is reflected in my scale at home.

Ruth called on Thursday and tried to fake me out that Tricare denied me.  That wasn't going to work on me because there is no reason for Tricare to deny.  My stomach did clench up, but it was quickly put into perspective.  If they denied it, then God has another plan for me and it wasn't through WLS.

I am praying that a personal ministry can come from this experience for me.  I feel like I have a gift of leadership and would like to transfer WLS into a ministry for His glory!

I am excited at the thought that I could be having surgery in the next 2-3 weeks, and am so looking forward to the freedom that this surgery will bring to me.  Freedom from the bondage to food.  Freedom to move easily without aches and pains.  Freedom not to worry about how people are thinking about me because of my size.  Freedom from worrying if I can fit in a booth at a restaurant!  Freedom to shop wherever I want.  Freedom from this prison that I put myself in.

There is a freedom available for everyone and that is the freedom from sin and eternal separation from God.  The Bible says that "in Him (meaning Jesus) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins." Eph 1:7

We are all sinners and need to be saved from our sins.  "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Rom 3:23

The forgiveness is available to all..."God loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life" John 3:13

It's simple to accept this freedom..."If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Rom 10:9

And after acceptance we know that we'll be with God in heaven.  Heaven is eternal life..."I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10

"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself: that where I am, there you may be also." John 14:3

It's a simple gift that God has provided for us.  All we have to do is accept the gift. 

Finally I am able to communicate with other patients of Dr. Lord.  I am very excited that I'll be able to communication with  people in my area!

This is going to be an awesome journey.

Each day I am amazed at how I am truly blessed.  I've heard many times the phrase, "Let go and let God," and it's true.  I put it all in his capable hands and took it away from my inept workings and it is all coming together.

Labs were really terrible, but it is a direct reflection to what I've been eating...garbage in, garbage out!

I did my labs a couple of fridays ago.  I have to retake my nutritional counseling since it's been a year.  

There's so many things that are on hold waiting for this surgery!  The anticipation is crazy!

So now that I have an insurance that will cover the surgery, I've got another appointment with Dr. Lord on 9/6.  I'm really excited and a little nervous about everything, but I feel like I have educated and prepared myself for this and I am waiting upon God's timing.

"For we know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

Whew...

Got a call from Dr. Lord's office.  I need to have a pap smear, chest x-ray, ekg and blood work and see the Dr. again because it's been since 2005.  I also have to have my PCP send over another letter of medical necessity.  I am so excited!

I tried to get the nurse nailed down as to when I could have surgery and she told me it depended upon how quickly I got my stuff done.  Dr. Lord is booking into October already.  Ok, God, I know, it's your timing, not mine!

I am just thankful for the opportunity.  I started today the process of sipping water all day long.  I did three 16 oz bottles at work and am working on another here at home.  Also started consciously thinking about how much I chew my food.  I don't want any problems and have to retrain myself.

Well, I left a message this morning about getting started back on my journey.  I was a little put off by the receptionist, but maybe I'm being overly sensitive. 

So my fight to have WLS has been long and drawn out.  Basically, my husband is now in the AF Reserves and will be going to school on August 27.  So, he'll be active duty, which means Tricare, and WLS!

I'm going to call Dr. Lord's office tomorrow to see what we can get done in advance of my being added to Tricare.