kathylovesred

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

So, I have finally experienced a true plateau.  And I'm not entirely sure that I'm finished with it.  My weight on May 11, 2010 was 150 pounds - a goal I was thrilled to reach.  I had no idea how long I would have to enjoy it.  Turns out, more than two full months.  Actually, I am very glad to have experienced it.  I realized what good control I have.  I no longer feel guilty because I leave food on my plate.  There was a period where I even felt compelled to only eat half (even if I could eat more than half) because I needed to leave enough for a second meal.  Now I am willing to eat what I like, and allow the rest to be thrown away.  No problem.  Good grief...you'd think I grew up in the Great Depression!

But two months of waiting for that drop in weight was hard.  Mostly on my psyche.  I was cruising along, taking the weight loss for granted, and the plateau reminded me that things could go either way, depending upon my response to it.  And I had a few not-so-very-good days in those two months.  I ate a piece of birthday cake, and found that I no longer dump.  So, it can end.  I used to dump like a truck if I so much as looked at saltines too long.  Now I can eat birthday cake with frosting and it sits fine.  So, I have to count on my own self control to manage.  Luckily, my appetite ain't what it used to be.  My compulsions are still there, tho, so I need to keep careful watch on what and how much I eat.  Slider foods could really get me if I'm not careful - like popcorn, for instance.  Gotta watch it!

The good part of the two month-wait was the realization that exercise is an enormous part of the answer.  I am in the best shape of my life.  Every morning, I get up and walk for an hour before I so much as eat breakfast.  I live in a really hilly neighborhood, so I get lots of changes in elevation as I swing along on my walk, listening to music of all types and enjoying birdsong.  It's one of the highlights of my day.  I am able to do whatever I like, within reason.  I'm never daunted.  I'm never out of breath.  My heart doesn't race at the notion of climbing a set of stairs.  I am flexible and free. I feel comfortable in my own body.  I can feel and see my muscles at work.  I often think - what an easy thing this is, walking for an hour.  And how very difficult this very same thing was just a little over a year ago.  I am so grateful.

But the plateau break was small.  My 49th birthday was last Friday, and my goal was to be under 150.  On my birthday, I weighed 149.5.  Today, four days later, I am at 149, the least I have weighed since I was 21 years old.  I hope that means that I can head downwards another 10 in pretty short order.  I'm still overweight.  But who knows? I just know that I never want to weigh more than 150 again.  If I can drop 10-15 more, I can give myself a good margin of safety.

At this point, I am a good deal more than a year out - but what a year!  If you, dear reader, are just working on your insurance approval, or just set a date, or just had surgery, and you haven't seen much in the way of actual progress on weight loss - your day is coming.  And it's a great day!

 It's interesting, now that I'm almost a year out (11 months on the 18th, to be exact), that life is less about WLS and more about, well, LIFE! 

I had to have a BMI under 35 to have varicose vein surgery.  Mine is now 28.3 and I've recently had both legs done sucessfully. 

One of my hopes was to fall in love, and I think I may be on the cliff's edge.  My guy seems like he'd be happy to provide a soft place to land, too.

I can't work out just now, because of the recovery period for the varicose vein surgery, but I am able to work out really hard and for quite long periods of time, and I'm looking forward to summer more than ever before.

My teeny-tiny sister and I are having more fun than ever - shopping together and sharing clothes.  It's a little incredible, you know?  "I think that's a little too small for me - why don't you try it?"  We have never shared like this in our adult lives.

I am wearing a 4 or a 6 pants and a small or medium shirt these days - down from a 22/24.  I am in the middle of quite a long-lasting plateau right now.  I weigh 153 or 154, depending on whether I've had a BM (seriously!)  I hope it doesn't last, but I think that getting through this post-surgical recovery period and getting back to exercise will change that.

I joked before WLS that my transfer addiction would be shopping, but thank goodness for thrift stores, because it's about half true.  I have always loved beautiful clothes, and they allow me to own lovely things for almost no cost at all.

The NSV's that came fast and furious have become non-existent, which I expected - because that's the way it's supposed to be.  Just ordinary.  I love my life's ordinariness.  How lovely to wake up refreshed (no CPAP), fix my hair (no more hair loss), brush my teeth (decent breath), go for a walk or a workout if I want (don't feel like dying two minutes into it), kiss my boyfriend (imagine!), and see how pleased my mom is with my progress (after years of her worrying about me).

Life is really good.  I am very grateful that I got to have this surgery and my life so normal.  It's a gift, and I don't take it for granted, not one bit. 

A couple of years ago, I had a benign papilloma removed from a breast, and while I was at that Dr's office, I noticed her information regarding laser surgery for varicose veins.  I asked her about it and she told me that she didn't do it on patients whose BMI exceeded 35 because of the danger of blood clots.  I told her that I was planning to have WLS and I'd check back  [A sidenote here:  she told me later that she sort of internally rolled her eyes, thinking that I'd never succeed.  I thought that was a big admission for a physician/surgeon.  She's now a wonderful cheerleader for me.]  Anyway, I had my gastric bypass, lost 137 pounds, drove my BMI down to 28, and had the first of two varicose vein surgeries last Friday.  I can't tell you all the technical details about how the surgery is conducted, but I can tell you how it went for me. 

In the morning, I showered with antibacterial wash and took a single antibiotic pill.  I worked in the morning, then arrived for my surgery at one.  At home, I had coated the inside and front of my left leg with Emla cream for anesthetic purposes, then wrapped it in Saran wrap.  Over the next two hours, my leg went pretty much numb.  They struggled mightily to get the IV in at 2:00 pm.  I've always had really deep and "roll-y" veins, and apparently, the weight loss has aggravated that situation.  Not to mention, I was probably a bit dehydrated, since I'd not been allowed to eat or drink since 6:00 am.  They rolled me into the operating room, and put me out under what they were calling "conscious sedation".  Now, that sounds like I'd be awake, but I assure you, I was out like a light.  The surgery took about an hour, and by 5:30, I was ready to go home. 

I was wrapped in bandages from hip to the arch of my foot.  I was not allowed to remove the bandage or shower until Monday morning.  (A little retro moment:  I haven't washed my hair in the sink in years!)  I am not allowed to work out.  They will allow me to walk gently, meaning 1-2 mph for a half mile.  No weight lifting.  I'm more than a little bummed about that, because I had been working out 90 min/day, 5 days/week.

I took Tylenol 3 twice on Friday - once, just before bed, and once in the night.  I had a real gentle day on Saturday.  Sunday, I wanted to get some stuff done, and I probably overdid it.  Vaccuumed, changed beds, did a load of laundry.  At bedtime, I had pain similar to Friday night, so I took another just before bed. 

Today, all the real soreness I have is about similar to what you might feel right after starting to work out.  Muscular soreness, but not real pain.  I cut the bandage off this morning, and it looks pretty good.  They did an ultrasound at 10 and both technicians were pleased with my progress.  Very little bruising, and the veins are apparently open or closed off as expected.

I will be having the right leg done on the 19th.  The whole process was much less traumatic than I anticipated.  The best part will be getting to wear (size 4!) shorts this summer.

I thought I was home free.  I came out of the hospital with C-Diff. (clostridium differens) Essentially,your gut is supposed to have about 80% good guy bacteria and 20% bad guy bacteria.  Antibiotics given during surgery killed all my good guys and my bad guys took over.  Let's just say it's not pretty....and I thought that was my only complication.  After all, I'm nearly 8 months out at this point. 

But the weather took a bad turn and my immune system must have had a little dip, allowing the MRSA (methycillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus - aka flesh eating bacteria) I apparently picked up in the hospital to surge.  About a month ago, I started having these little boils here and there on my trunk.  Then one big bad boy wouldn't resolve itself, like the others had.  While I was in Denver for Christmas, I showed my daughter, who's an RN.  She recoiled, advised me that it was necrotic (nice word, huh?), and told me that I needed to see a doctor.  

I did, yesterday.  He agreed with her assessment, sliced the thing open to drain it and have it cultured, and prescribed me big-time antibiotics.  So - maybe - this will now resolve.  That's the hopeful upside.  The downside is that I may risk a recurrence of the C-Diff, and may even get a yeast infection to boot. 

Such lovely crap.  Happy New Year, indeed!

I lost 15 pounds pre-operatively, with an almost-full-liquid diet, in 3 weeks.  But for the first six months after the surgery, I lost about 15-20 pounds a month, every month.  Then I started working out, and my loss has slowed to about 7-10 pounds over the last month.  It's OK - I can tell that I'm toning up.  I feel so great these days.  No regrets whatsoever. I have 5 pounds to go to no longer be obese, and then 28 more to reach normal.  I can hardly wait!!  But I am willing for that to happen gradually.  It would be great if I reached goal (126 pounds) by my first anniversary, but since I understand that the "window of opportunity" for RNY can be as long as 18 months, I am happy to be patient.  In the meantime, I love my wardrobe!!! Cute, cute clothes!  (I'm grateful that they hide all this sagging skin!!  Time to start saving for plastic surgery....)

On another note, I flew to Denver for Christmas.  And when I got on the plane, it was a little chaotic - you know what I mean?  The plane was a little late; everyone was in a hurry; they needed to de-ice, etc..  So the aisles were full - everyone was standing and trying to put their carry-ons into the overhead luggage, and things were just stalling, generally.  I was directly behind the attendant, who was assisting someone with their luggage, and she just turned sideways for me to slip past her.  I looked at her - and she, of course, had no idea what she was asking me to do.  But I thought - what the heck?  Maybe I'll fit.  AND I DID!!!!!

So then, I sat down in my seat, and of course, my usual practice would be to slide the buckle to the very end of the belt, and hope for the best.  But I thought - let's just try to see if I can fit the belt at the place where the last passenger used it.  I DID - and I had to tighten it just a bit.  I probably had a good nine inches of tail on the belt after buckling!!!!!

I LOVE MY RNY!

I am in the middle of my first serious stall.  My weight on my ticker says 177, but the last Monday, it bounced back up four pounds to 181.  And today?  181 again.  So it appears that I'm going to be stuck at 181 for a while.  It's OK.  I can live with it.  It is slightly frustrating, but I had a remarkable six-month run, and lost 111 pounds, so if my body needs some time to re-organize, I'm OK with that.  At least it is happening at a time when my closet is full of cute things to wear.  I'll just keep plugging along, doing what I'm supposed to do - following the rules.

Weird though, that the stall coincidentally happened when I started working out regularly.  I don't think it's unusual, but it does seem to run against logic.   I am thankful that I have spent enough time on OH to know that this is simply part of the process.  I just need to keep my eye on the goal.

I have been loving the new clothes that I can now wear.  On Sunday, I was wearing nice black slacks, black boots, and a nice wool Halston car coat with a tie belt.  I stepped into my sister's home, where her entry closet closes with a set of mirrored doors.  (I don't have a full-length mirror, but I think I need to get one.)  I stood there for a moment - I usually don't bother much looking at myself, but I stopped, because I was dumbstruck.  I called to my sister.  "Are these vanity mirrors?"  She asked what I meant.  "Do they make you look thinner than you are?" 

She laughed and came to stand next to me.  "Kathy," she said, "That's what you look like." 

"Are you sure?"  I asked.  She assured me that I, indeed, looked that thin.  I could hardly believe it.  The changes are so wonderful, but it sure is hard getting that fat girl out of my head. 

Despite my intention of letting my hair grow out, I cut it all off the other day.  It's very similar to Beth - Melting Mama's hair.  Very short, very easy, very chic.  I have gotten TONS of compliments, so I am really enjoying this new stage.  And I only have eleven pounds to go before I will be simply overweight.  The label "obese" will no longer apply to me. 

Lots to be thankful for this week.

So, here I am, six months later - time really flies.  It just seems like yesterday I was trying to get through that six month compliance diet, getting comorbidities established, getting a date, fighting with both my surgeon's bookeeper and the insurance company -- it almost seems impossible that I'm here - successfully! - on the other side. 

I have lost 112 pounds (I normally only weigh on Mondays, but this seemed like a good date to break the pattern).  I have 54 pounds to go to get to my personal goal weight.  My co-morbidities are no more.  I have normal blood pressure and sleep like a baby without a CPAP.  I actually ran down an aisle in the grocery store last night!  No joint pain.  I am walking and lifting weights regularly. 

I am incredibly grateful to you, my OH family, for all your support.  To my surgeon, Dale Mortenson, for having the skill to give me back this quality of life.  To my own family and friends, for all their love and support as I worked my way through this journey.  I will continue always to be grateful to God that he loves me, blesses me, and wants only good for me.

I want to encourage pre-ops.  Keep your eye on the prize.  It truly is worth it.  Fight for yourself.  You are truly worth it!

I wish us all many, many blessings!

I have sort of a reverse problem.  I never liked being in pictures much at my heaviest, and - as a result - never really acquired a good sense of what I really looked like.  I always thought of myself as smaller than I was.  Self-protective, perhaps.  But unrealistic, nevertheless.  Now, I've lost 102 pounds - yay! - and I am still not happy with my body's shape, but I am getting glimpses of the girl I once was.  Yesterday, I was trying on clothes - my once-a-week closet cleaning routine, where I fold up the 'too big', and move the 'now it fits' into the closet - and I tried on a dress that was very similar in shape and color to one of my favorite dresses in high school.  I turned my back to the mirror, and looked over my shoulder - and got a little shock.  There was something of the girl I remember in the mirror.  So fricking cool.

All of that aside - the other cool thing is that I was able to put three pair of size twelve slacks into the 'now it fits' side of the closet.  I know all about vanity sizing- that a 12 today is nothing like a 12 years ago, but the mental lift it gave me was wonderful.  It was a real WOW moment.  I mean, I wore a 12 when I was a junior in high school, and weighed 132 pounds - so it makes me wonder what I'll wear, should I reach my goal.  This weekend was very good for my much-battered ego.

This last weekend, my 15-years-younger brother and his wife came from Boise to spend the weekend at her college homecoming, and to spend time with family.  It was so wonderful to see them, and particularly, to surprise my brother with my weight loss.  He hadn't seen me since well before my surgery, and I think that I haven't weighed this little since he was in grade school - he's 33 now.  He was so tickled.  He described hugging me, and having his arms overlap behind me, rather than just more or less meeting behind my back.   It was so thrilling, that he could see my results and celebrate with me. 

The other thing that keeps happening is that everyone comments on how short I am.  Did I look taller when I was fatter?  It's funny - so many people report actually gaining an inch after WLS because their spine is no longer compacted, but I am getting shorter?  I don't get it.  But I have to admit:  Being petite was always somewhat an important piece of my self-image, and being noticed for being little is nice.  Really nice.  I don't know why, but it feels affirming.  Like a part of my true self.

I admit, like always, I can look at myself in the mirror and pick myself apart.  My sister asked if I like to look at myself in store windows, and enjoy the image.  But it's still hard.  I look, and I see the uneven way I'm losing weight.  My tummy and my upper arms still make me unhappy, and I can see it.  It's hard to quell those old self-image issues.  My family gave me sooo many compliments, and while it was nice, it almost became overwhelming.  And I'm forming a full-fledged turkey wattle, and while no one comments on it, I still notice it.  I am far too self-critical. 

Nevertheless, today I hit 200 on the scale.  I only weigh on Mondays, and next week, I fully expect to find myself in onederland.  The last time I was in the 190's was in the late '80s.  So hard to believe that I'm almost there again.  But it's onederful!!