Limbo

Jul 17, 2013

I am glad I called TWH to have my NP and SW appointments moved up, but at the same time it seems like the wait is still too long. I don't see the SW until August 19th. Now that I feel like I have a viable solution for my lifelong struggle with weight, I want the surgery done yesterday. The waiting is harder than I thought it would be. I want to be making positive changes now, but I can't seem to stick to them. I cut out pop for a good three weeks until I went to my parent's one weekend and it was there, calling my name. Back on the diet Pepsi wagon. I'm cutting it out again, but it seems even harder now for some reason. I'm trying to incorporate more fresh veggies in to my meals, cutting back on the carbs. And that is all well and dandy, but when I have the urge to binge nothing will stop me. It's like being a heroin addict - I will beg, borrow and steal (ok, maybe not steal) to get something sweet or carb-loaded to eat. I am addicted to the food, and more importantly I am addicted to numbing out through food. Whether it's a coping with anxiety or just coping with boredom I have yet to find a mechanism, a distraction that works as well as food. But the search continues. And in the meantime I am trying to white-knuckle my way through this. I'd like to be losing weight now, and it's not happening. 

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