7 weeks

Dec 07, 2013

Wow. Seven weeks out and I'm down 56 lbs (including the 15 lbs I lost on Opti) So many things are changing. I'm gaining confidence where I never had it before. I've always been a bit of a nervous nelly, and confrontation has been my worst enemy. I never get angry, never stick up for myself, never rip a strip off anyone. Well, all that changed on Friday when my upstairs neighbours were having a fight and things got physical. I've had issues with them for the entire year they've lived in the upstairs part of the house, I'm in the basement and can hear every fight, every time they yell at the kids, every time they spend an hour walking on the hardwood with shoes on. But of course I never said anything about the noise level, just put my headphones on and silently wished they would move. But on Friday I went mental on them. Especially because I thought the husband was hitting the wife (with two kids home on top of it all) but also because I came to the end of my rope. I'd had enough of the bullsh*t and I let them know. I've never sworn so much or let loose so many emotions before in my life. The wife thanked me, like I had saved her or something, but otherwise they said nothing. I just flipped my lid, stomped back downstairs and slammed my door, then texted the wife another big rant about the noise and how could they do that in front of their kids. It's a complicated situation and way more than I can write here, but suffice to say they are both morons and I doubt my outburst will have much effect in the long run but I hope it buys me a few days of peace and quiet. Not likely, but one can hope. 

Anyway, the point is that I finally, FINALLY told someone how I felt. I got angry and it felt amazing. I'm kind of hoping they start yelling again just so I can go up and let them have it. Now that the last 15 years of pent up anger has been unleashed I am having a hard time tamping it back down. I don't feel angry really, I just feel like exploding on someone. That can be tricky territory though because it can morph in to me being an angry person who blows up all the time - I have an uncle like that and he scares the crap out of me. I can't really see myself becoming like him, I'm still a pretty soft personality. But at least I know I can confront someone now without my hands or voice shaking or being on the edge of tears. I surprised myself with my confidence. I hope it sticks around, and grows the more I lose weight. 

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