Anxiety about the Gym
Mar 19, 2018
Hello fellow members.
This is something that I have been struggling with a lot... Gym anxiety! I always get it into my mind that I am going to start going to the gym 3xs a week. However, when the time approaches to go, I get anxiety about going. Its not so much about being overweight and self-conscious... Its more about trying new things and seeing new people. (But I’m not gonna lie… I hate that damn mirror in the workout room. I do not wanna see my body jiggle). My heart starts to race and I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I keep telling myself that I will not regret it, but often I find some excuse not to go... like writing this post instead of heading to the gym. If I do go and make it to the gym, I only get on the exercise bike. Before, when I lost 90 pounds, the main thing that helped me going was doing a cardio that I enjoyed - ZUMBA. Now, going to ZUMBA almost scares me. But I hate the bike. So I don't do it. I LOVE ZUMBA... So why not try? I know it is the negativity and the mindset that I have developed while gaining this weight back, but I am so so tired of being this size. I hate this feeling. And even if I only do 30 of the 60 minutes, I would have accomplished something! I remember how much I used to love ZUMBA, but now its been years since I have went to any kind of dance class. I love dancing. I need to just do it. I have never been a shy person. But now that I am even heavier than my original size before my first surgery, I feel horrible and like a failure. But I have to do this. I am tired of this feeling.
Is this self-sabotage? Is this true anxiety? Is this just fear? I’m not sure but this was never me. I remember being 280 pounds feeling so confident… what happened to that person? Sometimes, I do not even wanna go out on weekends because nothing fits. I get tired of shopping because I hate trying on clothes. I absolutely hate this feeling, but I gotta get these pounds off of me because enough is enough! I want to look back a year from now and see where I was, and hope to never be in this place again.
I know some people rather work out at home. I also have some workout videos but I do not do them. This is because I pay monthly for a gym. So me and my husband has agreed to use it and get our money's worth. And our gym has a pool, our membership travels with us, and my daughter can benefit from it as well (she is 7 years old).
I know that I am worth it and that I deserve a healthy body. Not only that, but my daughter deserves a healthy parent. I want to get to that point where I can say "I enjoy taking care of myself". One step at a time.
Wish me luck you guys! ZUMBA starts in 2 hours, and I plan to be there. I just have to remember….. I HAVE THE COURAGE WITHIN ME TO FACE MY FEARS AND OPEN MYSELF TO EXPERIENCING NEW WAYS OF BEING
SN: I am starting the modified green smoothie cleanse. I am hoping to change my taste buds because I need to break the unhealthy carb cycle. I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again. I need to get my life back!