Being Accountable to Myself....

Oct 08, 2010

Being Accountable to Myself....

Okay so the moment I had been eagerly anticipating came and went and I was NOT excited, happy, etc.  You get the point.  I am referring to my 6 month surgiversary.  I thought magical things would happen and I would be under a certain weight but when that didn't happen I was depressed.  In fact, stepping on the scale on my 6 month anniversary I was expecting to see these phenomenal numbers and was DEVASTATED when the scale read + 4 ounces!  I  know to the majority of people reading this that isn't a BIG deal but to me it was!  

 

The following week I had pulled off losing 6 lbs!  Mind you that is when I was having all of my tooth problems, but still, after coming off from that victory to see I somehow gained 4 ounces....that was a huge ordeal in my mind.  I admit, I let a lot of things bring me down that week, hearing others losing at a fast pace, wondering what I was doing that was so wrong, why wasn't I losing that fast, why?  why?  why?

 

I always do a lot of reading on the Obesity Help site, it's a site for people like me, it is a message board with lots of folks asking questions, giving ideas, sometimes it offers recipes to try, all in all a GREAT site.  I needed that reality check!  I know and have known this could happen, a slight gain, stalls, etc.  I just let it get me down more than it should have.  I didn't go out and buy a cake and eat the whole thing, nothing like that happened while I was depressed.  I know better than that now.  

 

My head is back in the game full force and I know eventually I will get where I want to be weight wise, and I realize everyone is different and loses at different paces.  I know this!  And I am focused and know I can do this!  

 

Getting a new do has helped me a lot too!  (Thanks Ashley)....My hair has been a concern for me, I may not do a lot with my hair but the thinning of it really bothered me.  It's cute now and sassy!  Just like I want to be someday.....

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5 months out....

Sep 11, 2010










Here we are past my 5 month surgery anniversary mark.  It's hard to believe the transformation my body has endured in these 5 months.  Both on the inside and outside.  The little things I notice more like sitting in hard chairs I can actually feel my butt bones touching the chairs surface, it is no longer surrounded by padding.  Weird I know but it's things like that that make me take notice that wow I am actually losing weight!  I consider myself fortunate and my surgeon says the same thing that I haven't had a stall yet in my weight loss.  It doesn't come off as quick as I think it should or would like to but I have lost something each and every week!!  I am down about 89 lbs so I am very happy with that but still have a ways to go.  Not sure my "goal weight" yet, right now I am just tredging along. 

 

Clothes fit much better now and I can look at normal sizes which is new to me.  It is a great feeling overall.  I feel that with the weight coming off I am more sure of myself, although I still find "compliments" hard to take sometimes.  I look in the mirror and I see a fat person staring back, the world, it seems sees the weight that I have actually lost.  I wish I could see that all the time too, so if you give me a compliment and I don't respond like you think I should, this is why.  I am working on that, I promise.  I think it is an ongoing process. 

 

My eating and getting sick or not getting sick has improved considerably.  There are still some things I try that make me hurl and then I know to stay far far away from them.  I have a bad habit of eating really fast when I am hungry and that usually backfires on me too, but this is a learning process and I have learned so much already!!

 

On August 25th, my sister Marilyn took me and my mom to Indy for my 4 month checkup.  Dr Evanson joked with my mom as she was wearing her IU Grandma t shirt and he said that he didnt give her permission to wear such nonsense and she should have a Purdue shirt on the next time he sees her...and you know what, she is thinking of buying one and wearing it to my next appointment just for him.  Awww.  I told him I wouldnt sink to that level.  LOL.  I do like him a lot otherwise!!  :)  Hence the pix.  He said I was doing great, told him about the problems I have had since I last saw him, he checked my blood tests from my cardiologist and said everything was right on target said the only thing is since I was a "kidney stoner" before the surgery I would be one now too so I MUST drink lots of extra fluids.  Says I am losing like I should be, right on target and looked good.  The appointment with my NUT went well too, she gave me some suggestions on protein and other things.  I was honest with her and Dr E about the protein issue, neither were too concerned, both said I should be getting enough from the foods I eat.  Overall, a great report and I see him again in December.

 

Walking in the Race for the Cure for the first time, and looking forward to it!  I need to get moving as we are doing the 3 mile walk.  I hope the weather is cool and breezy and not 90 degrees.  Oh Lord hear my prayer!

 

I still to this day have NO regrets having the surgery done.  I am much healthier because of it, love the support group I attend once per month where we bounce ideas off of each other, share our experiences, etc.  I am looking forward to losing that 100 lbs it seems like it will never get here but I have to be patient and in time, it will come off.  I have accomplished so much already and you know what?  I AM proud of myself thus far!! 

 

Again, I want to thank those that have supported me from day one, and have stuck by me now--I appreciate it!  I don't know where I would be on this journey if it weren't for my friends...in high and low places LOL.  Love you all, til next time....keep reaching for those celery sticks (they are better for you then that Reese cup!) 

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My Wonderful Surgeon, Dr Christopher Evanson, Carmel In

Aug 25, 2010

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Going Another Round with pain

Aug 22, 2010

Carmen M. Dill

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Going another round with pain...

by Carmen M. Dill on Sunday, August 22, 2010 at 1:35pm  

 

As I stated before, I am the type of person that when I read about someone being sick all of the time, I am like "enough already."  This unfortunately keeps happening to me and I will just say this --if you don't want to read my trials, block me or delete me NOW.  No harm no foul...

 

On Thursday, August 19th (my sister's birthday) I was working a short day and when I got off of work I had planned on doing some last minute errands for Brittanee since she was moving back to IU on Friday.  Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan...so I am learning.  I worked 8-1:30 and I remember telling someone how excited I was about seeing Britt's new apartment, just going to Bloomington in general, driving Terry's van, etc.  A few minutes before noon I started having this excruiciating pain in my lower left side (does this sound familiar from last month's trip to the ER), and it kept getting more and more intense.  From noon til the time I left I kept making periodic trips to the bathroom thinking I had to use the bathroom but nothing happened (sorry TMI).  By the time I left work at 130 I was near tears.  When I got to the car I immediately called my doctor to see if I could be seen.  By the time I drove home I was crying I mean really crying because the pain was so intense.  I passed out when I got home, my mom called an ambulance to come and get me.

 

A nice, old man (EMT) took care of me in the ambulance.  He tried 4 times to start an IV but guess what he was unable to.  I must say there is road work all around my neighborhood being done and when they took me down the street and through a bunch of gravel while this man had a needle jamming into my hand was not cool.  Other than that the ride was uneventful and I was coherent.  I had two very nice nurses --Lisa and Heather.  The doctor, Dr Nunge, was first rate as well!  At first they kept saying they thought I had diverticulitis...then when they did blood tests, urine test, and a CAT scan.  Dr told me he then thought I had passed a kidney stone and now am experiencing bad kidney infection.  I have 3 meds to take and so far I am still in pain.  Not quite as nauseous right now--thank God. 

 

I didn't get to help Brittanee move in after all, my mom helped her.  They did take several pix for me, but just wasn't the same.  :(  Hopefully will get to see it soon with my own two/four eyes!

 

Now here goes the part where I rant--first of all, I had the same pain in July and it was dismissed as "female issues" and I can't get an appointment for the OB doc til Nov!  Secondly, the cardiologist did tons of bloodwork on me--a lot involving kidney function and the like--would this not have shown on the results?  I think this is truly kidney related but I am thinking I still (possibly) have a stone--the reason I say this is because I have had several before and this pain feels eerily similar.  I am supposed to follow up with my family doctor this week, won't be able to do that til Thursday. 

 

~~~~~~~~~DISCLAIMER:  THIS IS NOT SURGERY RELATED~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

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Not all fun and games

Aug 15, 2010

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Not all fun and games

by Carmen M. Dill on Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 1:02pm   Painting the gastric bypass picture is not all fun and games, smiley faces, bright colors, etc...sometimes there is a dark side. People don't like to talk about that part--it's like it's taboo. Well here I am 'exposing' the other side of gastric bypass.

Before I go any further --I still stand behind my decision to have it done--best decision I've ever made for me!! 84 lbs down since April and still losing!

Think back to your past about what you felt like when you pulled an all nighter and that night involved LOTS of alcohol ...now think about hugging the toilet and thinking it was your best friend. Sometimes after gastric bypass something similar happens and it makes you feel absolutely horrible !! Whether you eat too fast, eat something that doesn't quite agree with you, or ... Or...you get a funny feeling and pain in your chest that usually indicates it is going to be coming out one end or the other and FAST. This is called 'the dumping syndrome.' Though I hate this I usually feel 100% better once this happens.

Usually the foods that bring on such misery to me I avoid at all costs!! I've since come to the conclusion if I go out to a restaurant I'm never going to eat something the next day...me and leftovers cause dumping big time !! Not sure why but I've decided not to tempt fate.

Yesterday I got spuds for dinner --it all went well last night. Of course I can only have a few bites so I wrapped up the rest for today. I heated it this morning and the first 3 bites were yummy and then the dumping monster reared it's ugly head and Priscilla let me know real quick that not only was I going to be sick but downright miserable. Hence reason for this blog ...

In life we have to learn to take the good with the bad--and same goes for life after gastric bypass.

For those considering gastric bypass I would highly recommend it but be prepared to spend some quality time in the bathroom with the porcelain potty you may remember from one upon a time....
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4 month surgery anniversary

Aug 04, 2010

4 month surgery anniversary!  Today at 9:00am Sometimes it is hard to believe that is has been 4 months already since I have had my surgery! Time flies when you feel better--health wise and confidence wise. I finally have some decent clothes that fit (thanks to a guardian angel) and that helps tremendously! :)

Let's see, where to begin. It seems I am not getting sick as much when I eat or try new things, every now and then it still happens and I know that is normal. Still have been struggling with protein, in fact, the only protein I have been getting is in the foods I eat and we all know that hasn't been a whole lot. With that being said, here recently I have begun losing my hair...that part scared me. Before any of you comment, I know this happens too, I was just thinking it was going to happen gradually. This was enough to prompt me to start looking seriously on the internet for samples of protein to try. I ordered a sample pack of Chike and also the Syntrax Nectar sample pack. I just received both orders on Monday and so far I have tried the Syntrax Caribbean Cooler. I wont lie, it has a wang to it, but this one is not so overpowering OMG I have to throw up kind of wang, so I liked it. I need to add more ice to them, and am already anxious to try the next one later today. 28 grams of protein--hey it's a start.

For those of you that have been able to tolerate your protein from the start--I applaud you! There are a few (I am not the only one) that hasn't been able to tolerate them, not from lack of trying mind you, I spent wayyyy too much money on this crap that wasn't able to stay in my system. Alas, I am now only ordering sample packs from now on...It's really not all in my head, or whatever else the comments I have gotten...this has been a nightmare and not having anyone to talk about this with has been equally as difficult.

I am down 81 lbs and am extremely happy about this, would have loved to have lost 100 lbs when I next see Dr Evanson in 21 days but unless a miracle happens I don't see that as possible. I am proud of myself for how far I've come. I must admit I don't follow my bariatric bible to the t but I am losing weight each week, so I am doing many things right. Don't get me wrong, I am not gorging on food, I can't, Priscilla the pouch, is still very small and I am happy with that. I don't eat sweets and when my mom and daughter are eating them they do not bother me in the least. I do have a sprite from time to time and it is my "treat"...I have also had pizza (a couple of slices) a few times and that goes well. Of all the foods I used to eat, I will tell you pizza spoke to me. Sounds funny I know but that seemed to be the one thing I missed the most. Believe me, I am NOT going back to my old eating habits today, tomorrow or EVER! I feel great and it's only going to get better.

I just love the people you come in contact with that you have to tell you've had gastric bypass and they ALWAYS know someone that has had the surgery and gained all their weight back...well, for starters I know it's impossible to gain it all back, but anyway, please spare me the details about how someone you know lost control...I am still early on in my journey and I don't need to know such jibberish!

I am fortunate to have met a nice lady, Regina, who will be having her gastric bypass surgery tomorrow (August 5th) in Carmel at St Vincent's Bariatric Hospital, Center of Excellence, and am blessed to be her coach through all of this. I had/have so many wonderful people that give me advice, answer my many questions, etc and I want to do the same for Regina. I hope I can provide to her the care I have received from so many of my wonderful friends and lifetime coaches!! :)

As far as my heart issues--low heart rate, when I went for my heart ultrasound that tech told me everything looked fine. My heart valves were open and working the way they should be, no aneurysms, pumping well, etc. During this test my heart rate was 42, she commented that was probably why I was tired a lot. Then when I had the stress test I was told my starting rate was 47 and for my age I had to get it up to minimum of 150 maximum 177--I reached 153. They took my blood pressure several times and said it was really good. They didn't seem to think I should worry about the possibility of needing a pace maker...Thank God. But I see the cardiologist for my follow up on the 10th and we will see what he has to say. I was a little nervous because they seemed to not like the 42 reading I had during the heart ultrasound but then then the next group of people I had during the stress test said that sounded fine to them. Said if it dropped down to the 30's then they would be concerned. Here's my thing, I know all along my heart rate was in the 60's, so they find out that it's been lower for whatever reason, so I am thinking if it plummeted from the 60's to the 40's who is to say it doesn't go into the 30's? I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but it baffles me! I have so many unanswered questions!!

Will hopefully be posting 4 month post op pix soon! Til next time...eat some Baskin Robbins Chocolate N Peanut Butter Ice cream in my honor!! (Ice cream makes me totally sick)

 
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Ouch it hurts right there!!

Aug 01, 2010

Ouch it hurts right there!! Share  Thursday, July 22, 2010 at 6:08am | Edit Note | Delete I had been having pain in my lower left abdomen for several days and then the pain intensified when I walked. I have had many kidney stones and thought for sure that is what I had. I couldn't take the pain any longer so after work on the 16th I went to Gateway ER.

Waited for 2 hours to be seen-just as I was about to leave I was called in to see the doctor . It took another 3 hours to run tests- blood tests, CAT scan, EKG...well, in the midst of taking my blood pressure-which was a little on the low side, they put that pulse thing on my finger and that's when the chaos started!! My heart rate was 45 then 47. This sent up a red flag. Asked me if I was a runner ? I asked "do I look like a runner?". So then they got REALLY concerned. Called a cardiologist to consult because they were going to admit me- then decided to let me go home and I was to followup with cardiologist and my doctor first thing Monday morning.

Then I told the ER doctor I really wanted a cardiologist at St Marys--so they called another cardiologist to get his opinion. Same thing --I was ok to go home ...

Meanwhile, all tests came back there was no sign of a kidney stone...so why did I have this awful pain in my lower left abdomen? After this low heart rate came into play no one seemed to care. I asked what it could be and they didn't really say just gave me a handout of possible causes of abdominal pain. REALLY?? Told me to go back to ER with any changes.

Next morning I wake up feeling 10 times worse--add lightheaded, disoriented, extremely nauseous to the mix. Ok so decided to see if my doctor was on call--he was not, but the doctor on call told me to get to the ER pronto.

This time I went to St Marys...they did more blood tests and another EKG and didn't seem too concerned with the pain in my left abdomen ..they told me all the things it could be but since the CAT scan didn't show anything they mentioned they were puzzled. Glad I wasn't dying!!

They, too, seemed concerned about the Low heart rate. They consulted with the doctor on call for my doctor, gave me some scrips and sent me home. Wasted trip?! Yes pretty much....disgusted and still in pain? Yes. Still no answers to left lower abdomen pain ....PRICELESS!!

Monday I called my doctors office first-got an afternoon appointment. Then called the cardiologist got a morning appointment. Went to cardiologist, was very nice--explained everything to me. My first question to him was "could this be related to my gastric bypass surgery?". The answer was No. (anyone who knows me well, knows I like to read and look up things online and this was no exception.). In fact, he said before i had my surgery all my tests were good--including my heart rate.

My question is what happened how did it get so low, what's next and where do I go from here? First plan of action was to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours which I've already done. Then on August 3 I'm going to have an ultrasound done of my heart and immediately following that I'm going to have a stress test. Dr is trying to see if I need a pacemaker or not. Let's pray I do not but if I do need one I'll adapt. It's just a little scary for me right now.

My appointment with my family doctor revealed (finalllly) the cause of my lower left abdominal pain is something to do with 'female issues.'. Which means I get to go through more tests once I get into see that doctor. ;)

And how has the last 5 days of your life been?! ?!?
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In General

Aug 01, 2010

In General Share  Sunday, July 11, 2010 at 12:24pm | Edit Note | Delete Here I have made it to 3 months and am down 73.5 lbs! Looks like I will hit my goal of being down 75 by the time I have my next followup appointment, which is in 10 days. I am pleased to say the least. Can't wait til I hit my 100 lb mark. I have been out looking for pants that actually fit and it seems I can't find any, either they are too big in some areas and too little in others--so I wait. Hopefully soon I will be able to find something that fits me. Shirts are ok I am good on those. :)

Eating for the most part is ok for me. I do tend to venture outside of my Bariatric Bible from time to time. Yesterday, Brittanee, my mom and I ventured out to Logan's. I ordered 2 porkchops and split this with my mom. It seemed to go well, until about 30 minutes later and I was sick sick sick. The thing is I ate some of a baked potato with butter only, a few bites of broccoli and about 5 bites of the porkchop. This porkchop was very tender but it had some kind of peppery spice on it and it made me very ill alllllllll night last night. I was in bed by 8:30 which is rare for me and I managed to sleep til 7 am. It never came back up but my stomach felt as if it were on fire the entire evening. I won't try that again any time soon.


 
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3 months!!!

Aug 01, 2010

3 months!!! Share  Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 7:57am | Edit Note | Delete Time has started to fly by...here it is my 3 month anniversary to surgery already. I continue to say this is the BEST thing I've ever done for CARMEN!!

I'm still learning, as I guess is a normal process, and I seem to be making MOST of the right choices. I'm verrrry happy with the results thus far. I go see Dr Evanson in 18 days and my goal was to be down 75 lbs by the time I saw him--I think that is doable!!

I'm rethinking my 'goal weight'--the weight I've been thinking all along is too drastic for my height and build so I am trying to picture my 'ideal weight.'. Will keep you posted on this one.

I must say - before surgery- I had friends express their concerns about me changing personality after surgery--I don't feel I've changed in that aspect at all!! I've kept true to who I am inside. I can't say the same for some of my friends, however. A few have abandoned me--I don't understand their reasonings. Although, I am sad--I have to keep on keeping on.

I'm so much more positive about most things now. I feel like a new person on the outside and I pledge not to fall back into old habits- not saying I will NEVER have a bite of cake or whatever, but I won't gain my weight back!! This new life is amazing and it's about to get a whole lot better!!
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From my Bariatric Bible

Aug 01, 2010

From my Bariatric Bible Share  Thursday, June 17, 2010 at 12:32pm | Edit Note | Delete ....what works in your life works because you make it work. You succeed because you make the right choices, you choose the right attitude, and you enact the right behavior to generate the right results.

It is YOU who must create the life you want--- and the choice is yours!!!
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About Me
Evansville, IN
Location
32.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
04/02/2010
Surgery Date
Nov 17, 2009
Member Since

Friends 14

Latest Blog 33

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