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Well..surgery is past and now the real work begins. I had an extraordinary easy time with the surgery. I was up and moving about with little gas on Day 1 and the next few days were a breeze. I had little to no pain and the nurses called me their "miracle patient". Now..I have to see that I have a huge pain tolerance so that helped. I came home Friday(Day 4) and never popped a pain pill yet. My only pain is from incision from where stapler went in and around the drain area. I have found the mental part of WLS has kicked my butt more but really..how can you expect a big ol fat brain to accept its new portions. I keep letting myself believe that things take time and to allow myself that time. I think it is so important to post on forums..sometimes just having a person validate your feelings makes it better. I look forward to getting rid of this IV bloat and seeing some results. Thanks to my friends on OH for their hand holding in the last year.

I am totally amazed that my surgery date is so close. I have waited so many years to get approved and then almost a whole year to get a date and be scheduled. I feel so many emotions right now. I feel fear..fear of dying..fear of the unknown and fear of failing at this. I feel excitment..excited @ the person I can be and the journey I am about to embark on. And last of all, I feel hope. I haven't felt hopeful like this in so many years and it lifts my heart. I am so grateful for the friends I have met on OH. There is nothing like finding someone out there who justs "gets you". In having someone supporting you who can literally say they have walked in your shoes is a blessing.

 5 DAYS TO GO!

So..I sit here racking my brain for any kind of food I want to eat before I start my 10 day pre-op diet and I am stumped. I feel like I have made my peace with the food demons and am ready to move forward and be free. I am a bit worried about how I will handle the 10 day since I am a carb person and I hear detoxing off carbs is a killer. I want so badly to be one of the success stories of WLS and I will do everything in my p[ower to never be this fat again.

Yay-

 Refund in--surgery date finalized! Can't wait!

As I sit here, I realize that this would have been the last day before surgery but it isn't to be. I had to postpone my 1/25 date due to financial issues. My hospital requires upfront all the deductibles and coinsurance at the last preop session and 3K is not sitting in my bank account. There is hope...I have a refund coming in the next few months but damn if it doesn't bite my butt to have to wait.

To update blog..I was approved for surgery on 12/27/10 and my surgery date is 1/25/11. I delayed the date a few weeks due to the fact we are packing up and moving to a new place on the 15th. I hope to be unpack and sane by surgery date 10 days later. My poor family will have to adjust to a new place while dealing with a crazed woman on her 10 day liquid diet. I am so blessed to be approved and given the chance to have this surgery.

Today I AM 39yrs old. One year to the big 40 and a new decade. My thought today is that the next birthday I celebrate will be a thinner and healthier me. I have always hated bdays b/c it reminds me of another year of being fat and failing at making life better. This yr I gave myself the gift of health and next yr...I will enjoy it.

So...talked to Aetna today to find out why they had no record of my pre-cert. and found out some not so great news. Apparently my surgeons office said they submitted on 11/24 but according to Aetna, the first time they received submission was 12/1. I am unsure of why I was told it was submitted a week ago but it frustrates me at the delay. I guess I have worked dilligently for the last 6 months to do everything required of me and when I pass it on to others to finish..the ball gets dropped.I am struggling with being angry at everyone and everything and my patience is long gone. I feel in such limbo..I have no job(waiting till after surgery), live in a podunk town with podunk people, and sit in my house alone for 8-10 hrs a day. I have nothing but time to think on this surgery and approval. Sigh..enough whining....

Today's blog of the day is patience and my apparent lack of it. I am still anxiously waiting to hear back on whether or not the insurance has approved me and it is driving me crazy. My poor family is dealing with a mood swingin, overemotional wreck of a woman. The weird thing is, I have no doubt it will be approved..I just want to know NOW!

  It seems in life we have a tendency to want things immediatly and screw the consequences. My relationship with food has always been eat it now and ignore the consequences and issues it causes. So..here I am at 38 and over 300lbs and wondering what life would be like if I just sat back and thought about why I did things so impatiently. My goal after surgery is to think on every decision I make and consider how it impacts my life. I wish you all a wonderful day and hope you can stop and enjoy what life showers upon you.

So..talked to the surgeon's coordiantor today and she said my papaerwork was submitted to Aetna last Wednesday...She is calling tommorow to see if they have an answer. I am practicing patience right now and trying to remind myself that this is the holidays and not everyone is working towards my surgery. I am praying and hoping for a YES answer this week so we can schedule the surgery date.