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It has been a long time since I have posted, mainly because I don't have anything exciting to say, and also because I just don't feel like I am doing enough most of the time.  I am coming up on my 18 month bandiversary.  I have lost 120 pounds.  I need to lose 43 pounds to get to a healthy BMI.  I am very very close to Onderland, and that is my Christmas goal.  I have had 3 fills and two unfills.  The first I don't have a clear explanation for, and the second, I truely think was because I was not paying attention and chew chew chewing my food.  I have only .6cc's in my band right now.  I have good days and I have bad days.  Again, I don't know if it is me or the band.  Sometimes I am too tight, sometimes I am not.  I don't excersize enough, and I know that.  I don't get in enough water, and I am working on that also.  I am the queen of self-sabotage, and I am afraid that is helping hold me back from ONDERLAND.  Don't get me wrong, I am so much better off than I was 120 pounds ago.  I just have a hard time accepting the good, and I need therapy to get over the never being good enough feelings.  Would I do this again?  Absolutely. 

Well of course something did happen between the last post and now.  I am 7 days away from my one year bandiversary and I am down 95 pounds.  I did hit the 100 pound mark but an unfill messed me up and I am trying to get back to it again.  I am planning on forcing myself to take some pictures on the anniversary but I don't really have any befores.

I am 8 months and 7 days out from surgery now and I have lost 87 pounds.  My goal has always been to lose 100 pounds by the one year mark.  That will be May 21st, so unless something happens between now and then, I am going to make it.  I am not pushing it because I want my skin to bounce back at least a little bit.  I have had a rough January.  First I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia and given antibiotics.  I have been sick the entire month and when I went back to the Dr. today I was told that the antibiotic wasn't strong enough and I have bronchitis (spelling?) and was starting to get real pneumonia.  I have been trying to eat well during all of this, but it is hard to be sick with the band.  I haven't called for an unfill because I am tight but I don't slime or throw up and I have such good restriction I hate to ruin it.  I just sometimes feel uncomfortable when I really get to feeling bad.  Anyway I have new meds and if I can shake this, I can tell where I am fill wise.  I have been lucky to have restriction since the second fill.  I just wish I could see more of a change in myself after 87 pounds.  I keep looking back at pictures of myself and I must have aged because even at a lower weight I don't look so good to myself.  Oh well that is the mental stuff I need to work on.

I had a six week check up today.  I am now 6 months and 9 days out from surgery.  I lost 11 pounds over the last 6 weeks for a total of 72 pounds (counting 3 weeks liquid diet).  I am really happy with the consistant weight loss so far.  I spent a lot of time worrying during the last 6 weeks wondering if everything was OK, if I was eating enough, if I was eating too much...all the usual stuff, so I haven't been posting too much.  I do not lose weekly, I go for weeks with nothing then bam 5 or 6 pounds, but my average is always good in the end.  The Dr. said everything looked great and that I shouldn't need to come back until February.  I have had restriction since the second fill and I am always waiting for it to disappear.  I have lost 33 pounds since I last saw a picture of me, so I am looking forward to getting a new one soon to see if I can see any difference.  My scars are keyloiding (spelling?) and the Dr. gave me some meds for that, so everything looks good and I am thrilled! 

60 pounds lost as of my Dr. appt yesterday.  I am feeling so happy about that.  I am 5 pounds away from my first major goal.  I lost some weight a few years ago, and gained it back plus 30 more.  I want to get back to the weight I was at that time, and break the number, so I can stop living in the "what if, I had never gained that weight back"  mode.  I have always avoided Dr.'s because I thought I had to "get back to the weight I was the last time he saw me" so I have neglected myself for years.  I want to break that cycle for good.  I went to the Dentist for the first time in years yesterday also, and was blessed to find out staying away hadn't done too much damage.   He said I clean up beautifully  I feel like I can start to live again from today on.