Frustration City

Feb 22, 2011

Lately I'm hitting a wall with the number 235.  For 23 days I waited for that number to move and it did to 232 for 1 freakin day.  Got my period and bam...236.  Now, period almost gone...235.  It's been over a month at the same number.  I'm not used to this.  My minimum monthly loss since surgery was 4 pounds...not nothing.  This is so frustrating.
My partner thinks I'm not grateful enough.  She thinks I should be happy with how far I've come, count my blessings and just be happy.  What she doesn't realize is that after 1 year out from surgery you really struggle to lose weight.  I try to educate her but she just doesn't understand...as hard as she tries.  I am grateful....so grateful.  Grateful to the point of tears, relearning to relive the life I never had.  It's just that I don't want to stop.  I want to see how far I can go.  I want to see if this body that has always been heavy can really get to a normal BMI.  I want to get on the scale and see 165 and have my doctor say, yep, you are the right size for your height.  Just for one freakin time in my life.  Does anyone understand this?  If I don't push now I know it won't happen.  This is my one shot at this and if I stay this weight I know I will slowly gain back a little more ( because it seems to happen to everyone) and I will never ever reach goal.
Add to the top of this "sundae" that a "friend" tells me it's time to take out my facial piercings cause I'm starting to look "hard".  She said, I was where you were and I know what you are going through (she had bypass and facial piercings).  She says she got the piercings to draw attention away from her weight...wow, really?  That's not why I got them.  I got them to adorn my face...I like them or at least did until she opened her mouth.
Anyway, I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP DARNIT!  I HAVE COME SO FAR...165 LOST AND I'M NOT GIVING IN!  I want to see where I can go with this surgery.  I got my fat @ss up today and back on my bike.  Only 20 minutes but it's a start.  I will start working out again.  I will continue to count every single morsel that goes into my mouth and I will not be a slave to other people's comments!  I must do this for me!
GOD help me.

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