kdalpha

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Well I am officially 5 years out, stayed my current weight of 148, size 6/8 or Medium. Never thought I would see this day. Unfortunately my addiction to food led to wine. A disease I am trying to battle each day. I have lived with 10 doctors/surgeons for 3 months in a womens recovery/trauma house. 4 had gastric bypass surgery. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, 65 % of RNY patients become alcoholics. This is dumbfounding. Actually it isnt... we are stuffing emotions with food, then when it is no longer there, we stuff with what we can. Until we are truly happy, this will be a constant cycle of addiction... food, alcohol, shopping, sex, religious obsession, cars, working out etc. Lets meditate and get to the core.... Best, KDALPHA~

I am 1 year and 3 mths out of surgery and now in a size 6!  I started in a 20/22.  Amazing!  I have 1-2 dates a week and a packed social calendar.  Life is soooo good!  I wish I had the surgery done earlier!

Before my surgery, I thought guys didnt like me b/c of my weight, now I think its me!  LOL  no, my good friend said, relationships are like batteries...it doesnt mean that all batteries or relationships are bad, some just arent compatible or work together well.  Great analogy.  Til then, I will keep tending my garden, knitting, volunteering, running and eating healthy.  He is out there...waiting for me!

Another note:
Today a woman came into the gallery where I work and told me she had RNY surgery 3 yrs ago and has gained back 60lbs.  This isnt good.  She was big too.  Recently, everywhere I go, someone is telling me they regained their weight, blah blah blah.  SO DISCOURAGING!  This is making me really stick to my guns!  I DONT WANT ANYMORE FAT TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This has been the best gift I have ever had and will not lose it to the SCALES!  I have the power to overcome the lbs.  I know I can keep off this weight.  I know it.  Its about making the right choices and not going back to old habbits!  Seein these people fat again is what scares me the most.  Anyway...lets see if I can get to 150 lbs by new years!  I am going to work out every day til I get there! 

I have had to give up wine.  Last night things got crazy and I dont remember things that happen after a few glasses of wine.  Some people get crazy on liquor, but I lose all memory on wine.  This could become a very dangerous situation so I have decided to take it out of the equation.  I never drank wine before my surgery and never dealt with this issue before, but after 2 mths of drinking wine, I have just realized that I miss bits and pieces of the evening.  NOT GOOD.  No big deal, will figure out something else. 

In the past, I have taken on the hobbies of they guys I have been interested in or dated.  I was like a chameleon and wanted a relationship so bad that I was doing things they wanted and never had my own likes or dislikes to the point where the guys would participate in my hobby. 

My best friend, lover, and comfort was food.  Once that was taken away from me, I had to look deep inside of myself to see what it is I really like to do.  Recently I have been fishing like crazy, working out/running and talking to God in the process, getting my religious life back to where it was in the past.  I am knitting again, volunteering, and leaning about what I want out of life and who I am.  Things that were interesting to me before but on the backburner have now come forefront and is making my life SO MUCH RICHER!  This has been the best gift I have ever had.  Man am I blessed!

So I bought my first pair of size 10 jeans and anything over that, in any brand is too big!  Crazy!  I still have a lot of sagging skin, which is embarassing, but if you are with someone that loves you, they dont see that.  I get it now.  Last night I hooked up with Trey, the teacher I have been in love with since I met him.  He isnt gay.  He's very passionate, attentive, giving and gentle.  Wow.  I hope this develops into something serious.  I could live forever with him close by ;)  Wow....yep, I said it.  He's going to be tough to top.  He has definetly set the bar high.  Incredible....didnt think gus like him existed.  we will see..........

So I have been dealing with cross addiction issues and dont want to completely take alcohol off the table, but going to set up rules for myself to help me enjoy wine, but in moderation.  These are my rules:

1.  I can drink no more than 2 days a week
2.  I cant have more than 2 glasses of wine

I want to monitor my alcohol intake so that:

1.  I do not end up an alcoholic
2.  I do not want the extra calories
3.  I dont want to switch my food additction for an alcohol one
4.  I want to live a healthy life and be blessed from my surgery
5.  I dont want to worry anyone
6.  I can be responsible
7.  Live a better life after RNY surgery

How come the ones you want to call you dont, and the ones you dont want to call you...well, they do?  Anyway...I'm glad this week is less stressful, just 2 dates this week.  Listen to me!  I went from NO dates, to 10 a week and greatful for just 2 this week.  I should be thankful.  Anyway, the boy that I liked ended up being a loser.  I can do better anyway.  LOTS better.  I think I was just attracted to his view...LOL  He lives on the Intracoastal and surrounded by water.  Thats what I will miss the most!  Anyway, life is good.  I am dealing with some cross addiction issues right now, drinking lots of wine, but now that I recognize it am watching my intake.  Life is good!

Well, I have been out with over 10 guys in the past week and a half.  I AM EXHAUSTED!  SOOO Glad I was able to get out of my date tonight so that I can have a break...NEVER thought I would be saying that.  I met another great guy this weekend (one that I would keep for a VERY long time...if he'd have me).  We will see...TO be continued!

Well, the romance with the teacher is over, but since then, I have met another guy whom I hit it off with and have a date with another guy tomorrow night.  This is really such a wierd thing for me, as NO one ever asked me out b4.  This past weekend I had 4 guys ask me out, so I have them staggered throughout the next 2 weeks.  This is freaking crazy!  I feel like I am living someone else's life!  Wow, I am really living and having a GREAT time!!