Ramblings of bariatric patient.

Oct 29, 2018

This is the hardest,  strangest journey I have ever taken. I have so many mixed emotions. On the one hand, I absolutely can not wait to reap the benefits of this tool,  and start a new life. On the other hand, I have never felt worse about myself than what I feel now. My self esteem is at an all time low since beginning this process.  I would never, ever refer to myself as fat and gross when talking to other people because that just isn't a healthy way to talk about one's self, and just makes other people feel uncomfortable.  Now, I hear myself saying things like that all the time. I hate it. I blame the journey, because now I have become obsessed with my weight and appearance. It is on my mind and front and center all the time, and now that I have started I can't go back. Pandoras box has been opened.  I can't imagine ending this process with my stomach still completely intact. I can't even think about going through this, destroying my self-image, and then walking away without receiving the tool I need to begin to rebuild my self esteem. Surgery is scheduled for December, and it cannot get here fast enough, yet I cannot believe it is already almost time. Mixed emotions,  mixed desires, but at the end of the day, one goal. Health.

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