Keila H.
WOW! I guess that explains what I thought when I saw this site.
I have been working on what I need to do emotionally, physically and spiritually as with obtaining
my surgery. (for almost 3 yrs now) I have to look at almost 12 people everyday that has had the surgery of some sort. This is hard, when it seems nobody wants to give me a try. It seems both doctors I have had, are scared of my size. Now, my legs are getting really bad, mostly my thighs. All I get is " you will have to have surgery on those legs for all the skin." Fingers crossed and help of one of my doctors, I am going to get there, and get help from a surgeon soon. Thanks to me, my doctor and my insurance company.
I have been large ALL my life..Always the biggest one...always the slowest..and always...larger than everyone else. The one good thing about it all, is I manage to make it with my personality, intelligence and "not so bad" looks.
I had the usual "fat kid's" life. Included in this life was high school. This is probably the worst of worst for me. I never dated, and all my friends were practically scared to be seen with me in public. But, I overcame all the craziness with the fact I was going to have to work harder to get what I want. Weighing at my highest was about 265 in high school. Thank goodness for fitted new band uniforms. This time mine was not homemade, and it seemed to fit in better.
I feel because of my weight, I manage to have low self esteem at times.
I put others first, as I was taught by parents. This made me that much worse on taking care of what I needed to grow healthier in all ways.
One of my break ups, and lifestyle changes, taught me alot about life. People are important. Feelings are important. Most of all, I am important.
Because of my weight, I have no children. One of my former jobs was a school bus driver. Just one of the things to show I really love kids, and how much I think they are important to our world. I miss greatly working with children of all ages. It was a career and joy for many years.
Now, I am living with my only parent, my mom. She is not healthy. I try to do what I can to help. I also have a very irresponsible sibling, my brother who lives with us. This is time more than ever to use what I have learned from many years of reading and counseling about life in general. Because of my bad health, I have a job sitting all day long. This has been a problem with my legs and how they treat me everyday. I love my job. It is amazing still how people can be so cruel. It also seems that I have to still work harder than everyone else just to keep up. I say, that it is the story of my life. Maybe soon I can get some minor help and get on my way to a happier and healthier Keila. Some people do not understand by their looks and stares how and why I can be large and keep on going. ( and keep smiling too).
I know that I will make it.
More to come!!!
