The Shame of it ALL........

Jan 06, 2010

So today was my pre-op surgery appt. for my big day(01/14).......  Or so I thought in the last four months Ive GAINED 15 pounds!!! Now I know I had gained but not that much well I was on pins and needles waiting for my surgeon to come in and tell me the words that I dreaded to hear!. Dr. Carlin came in and said "We will have to postpone your surgery" I immediately started balling for about about 15 minutes consoling me was not an option I just had to get it out. But I'd waited four months waiting and thought that the one week liquid diet would help get some of the weight off. I understood where he was coming from on a health stand point but I was so embarrassed that I allow myself to gain this weight in the past four months!

So Wanda(Scheduler) comes in the room(yes I'm still crying) she tells me that she's going to look at some things and told me I was looking at Feb or even March before I can get another surgery date. She had me wait there of course to get myself together but she also wanted me to talk to the dietitian to see where I went wrong. Of course I knew where I went wrong!

1. I stopped journalling what I put in my mouth
2. To many damn last meals(I mourned food so I ate in remembrance)
3.Holidays did me in and I did it up!

By this time I've had a chance to text my friends all the details while I'm waiting and  read a scripture or two(Love the Bible Ap on my Blackberry) and come to terms that I have to be  accountable for my own actions because that's the only way I will have progress.

Since it's so busy in the clinic I go home to wait on Wanda's call. As I'm leaving the hospital I'm at peace because I know His ways are Greater than my own and I needed this wake up call before I allow myself to get this tool!!!

Finally get the call my new date is March 11, 2010, but there's something different at the half way point February 10, 2010 he wants me to come weigh in to see where my progress is and if at that point I've shown improvement then they may move my date up!!!

As always I say things happen for a reason, but in this case things happened because I wasn't on my JOB I'm just thankful that I have a surgeon that sees my health as a concern before seeing a quota to meet. Starting tomorrow I'm focused more on my journey!

Am I embarrassed that I allowed myself to gain this weight? YES

But am I going to let it defeat me? HELL NO!!!

I'm grateful that I'm learning these lessons now and that I have family and friends that encourage me along this journey!!

Tomorrow Game ON!!!!!!

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