trying times

Mar 25, 2009

I'm just so upset about this whole band slip/gallbladder whatever it is. I'm so scared that I'm gonna gain this weight back... Terrified... I'm sitting here feeling like such a failure. I have no self control, no will power. If I can't keep this weight off for 2 weeks with no restriction, how do I have any hope at all of keeping it off for the rest of my life?

I just keep going over and over it in my head. What did I do wrong? Where did I make the mistake?  People are making it so much harder for me too. When I tell them I've gained 5 lbs back already, they say "Well dont you have any will power?" "Just try to watch what you eat." "If you have to have the band removed, you can just join weight watchers!" 

AHHHHHHHHHH  I had WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY. I honestly felt like I had exaushed EVERY OTHER OPTION for weight loss... No, I don't have any will power, and weight watchers did NOT work for me. What the hell is wrong with people? Do they think I just woke up one morning and decided I didn't wanna be fat anymore so I just "took the easy way out" and had surgery? NO! It was a long and agonizing process where I took a good hard look at myself and decided that I couldn't do this without major help. I am NOT having the band removed. I love my band. I know that sounds crazy, but it has become part of who I am now. I don't know what I am if I don't have the band. Maybe that's a problem, but I feel like it's an extension of my body, like my arm or leg. I would be devistated if it had to be removed.

One person even said to me... "Well, you've lost 90 lbs, so at least it's not a total waste." I am still in shock over that statement... This is a journey that will NEVER end for me. It's not like I'll cross a finish line one day and toss my band aside like a sweaty pair of gym socks. WHEN (not if, but WHEN) I reach my goal weight, that will not be the end of my journey. This weight will always be chasing me, seeking me out, trying to make me fail. My band is the most powerful tool I have against that, and I will NOT give up on it.

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About Me
cold spring, KY
Location
Surgery
08/20/2007
Surgery Date
Dec 28, 2006
Member Since

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