Kelly R.

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..... to make up for my surgery day on Friday!  I'm so excited.... only 4.5 more days!!!!  I'm starting to get REALLY anxious about Friday.  It's finally week of..... I was talking to my mom, and I thought about something I haven't thought of before.  I have been looking into getting the lap-band and trying to get approved for so long, I can't believe it's finally going to happen.  I don't know if I was expecting to be waiting forever, or what....... 
The pre-op dieting is going well..... I broke down yesterday and ate some veggie lo mein, I felt (still feel) guilty, but 8 days without food, I figured it was ok.  
My pre-op blood work came back FABULOUS!  I started having alot of stomach problems in Nov of last year, and was diagnosed with fatty liver.  At that time, my liver enzymes were about 4 times what they should have been.  I had blood drawn the day I started pre-op diet, and it was cut in half.  I'm thinking they should be even lower by the time surgery gets here.  I've been eating about 400 calories a day for 9 days (plus lo mein yesterday) with absolutely no fat.  I feel really good.  I haven't weighed myself, but my clothes are already fitting differently, and I'm still pre-op.  That's encouraging!
I've been trying to put off packing, because my husband thinks I'm a dork for wanting to pack 2 weeks early, but I'm just so dang excited!  I've only made my list so far, that's not as bad as actually packing LOL.
I don't know if I will post again before surgery.  I'll update after tho!  Have a good week!

Well, another day is gone, and I am getting super anxious!  My boss asked me today if I would consider rescheduling my surgery so that others can take vacation, since it's elective and not urgent.  Uh, well.... NO!  The optifast is killing me.  I so badly want to eat!  Stress at work and my TOM are kickin my butt!  But I will win this battle..... if not for myself, for the babies I hope to have someday.  I am continuously amazed at the support I find here.  I'm so thankful!  Now my husband doesn't have to hear me talk about my surgery this, and my surgery that.... He is really starting to get excited about his OWN journey, hopefully in January of next year.  I so wish we could be doing this together, but we just can't afford it.  But with a whole new flex account next year, we can get him "done" at the very beginning of the year, so we won't be too far apart.  
My brother is having back surgery the day before me in Salt Lake City, so my mom is going down for that.  She won't be here for me.  I'm glad tho.... because his surgery is not "elective"..... he is having some terrible problems.  And he's always been the healthy one!  Bulging disks in his back from a work injury, and he's only 21.  I think he needs my mom more than I do.  And I have my Ralphie, he's all I need!  He's so good to me.  Tonight, he has been rubbing my back and feet, telling me how sorry he is that I can't eat.  I just told him that I'd do the same for him when his time comes.  
I'm still a little (or alot) nervous about surgery.  I just keep thinking "what if something happens?"  But then..... that's why I'm doing it.... so something will happen!  Just hope and pray it's the right something..... bed time for me now!  Good night!

I don't know if I'm getting really anxious, or what, but I was really sad today.  I was thinking about all the things I take comfort in now, such as food and fat jokes and the elevator, and I really wonder what I will do when I am healthier, thinner, and happier....... I don't know what I will find to take the place of my comforters, but I can't wait!  I just keep thinking..... next Friday, I'll be on my way.... next Friday..... after all the time it took me to research and make the decision and jump thru all the hoops, it's finally close enough to say "next week".  It seems surreal.  What am I going to do if my husband doesn't like a happier, healthier me?  He's a very large man, and I think he takes comfort in knowing that he will always have someone to be fat with.  He supports me all the way, and he knows it's what I want, and need...... I just wonder if he thinks it will change me.  How do I show him that I love him unconditionally, and no amount of weight gain or loss will change that?  11 days away, and I'm having second thoughts......

I started the optifast drinks yesterday, and I'm starving!!!!  
My surgery is now only 13 days away, and I can't wait!  I've read almost every page on this website, and there are some things that scare me, but even more things that encourage me.  I am so excited to start a new life.  One where people don't stare.... one where I'm small enough to ride the roller coaster.... one where I'm not ashamed of my body.... one where I'm not embarassed to be "caught" shopping in "the fat store".  
My husband and my mom are my two greatest supporters.  My husband is scared about the surgery, but he wants me to be happy.  I am working on a letter to him in case anything should happen.  I'm not really worried about the surgery itself, it's the complications after that have me scared.  Blood clots and infection are what I've heard the most about.  My husband told me that I don't need to have the surgery, I'm fine just the way I am.  But I'm not!  I'm slowly killing myself every day.  I've been very ill the last 2 years because of obesity.  In the last year alone, I've been diagnosed with diabetes, fibromyalgia, arthritis, degenerative disk disease, sleep apnea, fatty liver, infertility and severe depression.  I have managed to lose 7 pounds and drop my cholesterol about 40 points, but I still don't feel good.  I'm only 26 years old..... I should not have these health problems!!!!