kenda11

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Well, I have gained about 10 pounds from my lowest weight.  I still look the same but I think I look better.  I put some new pictures up of what I look like today.  Most people say that I have totally changed from the person who I was and who I look like now.  I can walk up to someone who I have known for years and if they had not seen me in the last 5 - they would not know who I am.  I have totally changed that much. 

I wish everyone the best and hope they do get the surgery.  Read my blog, check out my pictures and you too can become a new person.

Good Luck,

Kendall

I can't stop thinking about the woman who approached me and said - what ever you do... don't eat sugar... don't start.  You will gain the weight and will not be able to get it back off.  It starts right after you have been out for 2 years.  And she was right.  After being at 127 for 2 years, I have noticed that I can eat sugar.  Not much and I still get sick, but I have the cravings and can eat more.  I have gained up to 132.  A size 4 fits better than a 2 now.  I never thought about this - but I feel fat now.  5 pounds made the biggest difference in me.  A friend saw me the other day and said - you look so much better since you gained weight.  I was like... OMG - 5 pounds.  YES 5 pounds makes me look fat, 5 pounds makes my clothes fit tight, 5 pounds makes me feel FAT.  I never thought about that before.  Before when I was big it was like - 25 pounds.... but the less you weigh.. the less it takes to make you feel the same as I did when I gained 25 pounds.  I hate these 5 pounds.  I keep watching these ads where you can loose 10 pounds fast.  What cut off an arm.  But I seriously would like to loose 10 pounds fast.  Can't believe 5 pounds can do that to a person.  UGGGGG

It has been forever since I got on here last.  Seems like a lifetime.  To the point where sometimes I can't remember having the surgery.  It just seems normal to me.  Normal to eat less, normal to be small, normal to look at little clothes, normal to have the life that I desperatly wanted so many years ago.  I still have a fear that I will wake up and it was all a dream.  So, each day I get on the scale to prove to myself that I am still 127 pounds.  Still able to wear a size 2.   I also posted new pictures of me as well. 

I have this 5 pounds that I go up and down with.  Each day I get on the scale and those 5 pounds are all ways there.  Some days I am 126 and then the other I am 131.  Or another day I am 130.  I guess thouse 5 pounds are more or less what I eat that day, or how much water I have in me.  Who knows.  But I am never the same weight each day - it is always within those 5 pounds.  I can still wear all the same clothes, that doesn't seem to be the problem - it is just that my weight is not the same. 

I hear this alot, people call me tiny, people call me petite.  Yet, I still feel the same as I did when I was big.  Mentally I will always be a big girl.  Even though I can wear clothes in the children's department.  How did I get this way.  I think back to when I had the surgery done and I was so wanting this more than anything.  A quick fix - for someone to wave their magic wand and all the fat on me to disappear and I would be this thin, beautiful person standing there.  And yet - I can't remember much about how it happened, only that it happened so fast.  Like a child growing up - where did the time go.  How did this happen.  I still have a hard time with people calling me small.  I feel ashamed as if I don't deserve the compliments.  It is not easy to loose this much weight.  I had issues before, my feet hurt, winded, could not walk a flight of steps, self esteem issues, could not find clothes that fit and then they were tight.  Now I have a different set of problems.  My butt hurts because of the bones when I sit.  I am cold, I can't find clothes small enough.  I outwalk and can keep going longer than my husband and kids.  The food part is now not even a big deal at all.  I made a life change and I am happy with it and I don't regret that I can't eat sugar or have a cocktail with the girls.  I would rather not feel like I have the flu for an hour so I just don't do it.  I think I have found my weight that my body is happy with.  128.  I have been this now for months.  I went down to 126 and then back up to 128 and now I have stopped.  I still weigh every day.  I think it is just something that lets me know that I am not going to let my weight get out of control again.  So - I guess I will now be in the small petite size 2 department for the rest of my life.  Still can't get over this.... still can't believe it happened to me.  still don't think I am as small as people say.  Yet, when I look at my clothes - not on me... but in the closet - they are small.  But I still can't see it.

It has been a while since I have posted anything and well I have really not had anything weird or much change.  I have been able to maintain my weight and size.  Seems like this is it and I am not going to loose anymore.  I really have not been trying to loose weight either.  I like where I am and the size that I am.  So - i guess this is where I really should be. 

Well I was shopping the other day and I needed a suit for work.  I have come to the conclusion that I have to wear the petite clothes because everything else is way to big on me.  So, I was in Nordstrom and they have this great line of suits that are not to expensive.  So, I checked them out on the internet and really liked this grey one.  So, when I went in I wanted to get one but I was hoping that they would have my size... they only had a 2, 6 and a 12.  Well no 4 was on the rack.  UGGG - So I got the 2 and was all pissed, went into the dressing room and IT FIT.  Could not believe it.  It actually fit really good too.  I remember before I put it on, I held up the pants and was like - there is no way that I can get one leg in these and then when I started to put the pants on... they started growing and I was able to zip them up.  Clothes grow when I put them on, because there is no way that they would fit anyother way at a size 2.  Still have very bad self image issues.  When I put the suit on and was checking myself out - I can see that I am thin.  and other people comment that I am thin.  When I showed my husband me in the suit - he said - you look very tall and thin.  I told him that I was going to weat the suit night and day now.  :)

I remember back when I was young and I had the biggest boobs.  At 19 my mother got me a breast reduction.  I was a 34DD and I just looked retarded.  So, I got a reduction and became a 34B or C.  I can't remember.  But I do remember that they didn't stay small for long . Once I started putting on the weight with kids - then the boobs came back.  So, I really was qute boobie my whole life.  Before the surgery I was a 38D.  Now that I have lost the weight - my boobs are like deflated balloons.  You can really see where the first surgery was.  You can see my scar lines and everything.  Before my boobs were big and you could not notice the scar lines.  They even are wrinkled.  My husband and I laugh about them often and he says that I don't have boobs - I have nipples.  I even thought about getting a breast implant done.  But I think they have taken quite enough abuse.  They were big, then small, then big and now small again.  Poor boobies.... 

Oh yeah - I am a 34 A/B now.

Yep it is true, I have finally lost more weight than I weigh.  I am at 127 and I have now lost 128 pounds.  So weird to think of it that way.  I really have lost more than entire me.  It is as if someone cut me down the middle - LOL. 

Well I seem to be stuck at 128.  I also have been eating and noticing that even what i eat has nothing to do with weight loss.  Actually I think if I start walking I might loose more.  But that would require effort... LOL  So, maybe I will start walking each day and see what happens.  I have noticed that my skin is saggy, and I am not looking forward to bathing suit time.. uggg  and also shorts too.  I think my legs look bad.  So, maybe I will be able to find something to wear this summer.  My kids are getting ready to have their birthdays.  Ashton will be 14 and Brennan will be 18.  WOW - make me feel old.. but heck... I LOOK FABULIOUS at 42.  :)