Merry Christmas from Kernie and Towanda

Dec 25, 2009

Loyal blog readers and friends, bless you!

It has been an interesting year for me and my band.  It's hard to imagine that last December I was doing my first seminars and I was wearing a size 12.  And I felt soooooooo skinny (relatively) already.  People were treating me like a rock star. It was great.

So flash forward to a year later.........wearing a size 2/4 although in pics I look larger, I think.  Makes me cranky...........I'm skinny other than my legs, I swear I am!  My surgeon accuses me of not eating...........sorry if other bandsters aren't so damn skinny but I eat A LOT of food for a WLS patient.  Why oh why does he think I don't eat?  I had a small unfill two days ago and I am much better.  I know I'm gonna have to live with this fill level or near it despite the fact that I HATE being hungry and HATE being able to eat whatever I want, I'm gonna have to make the hard choices on my own, DAMN IT!  

Now people joke about oh the skinny girl is eating today, or can you eat that or whatever............on one hand I get complimented and told how fabulous I look on the other hand don't lose another ounce, on the next hand so are you done losing?  Well, yeah, where else am I supposed to lose from??  Ok so I am crazy........

So how do I maintain?  UM I eat bad, then I diet, then I eat bad, then I diet.  And 80% of the time I do really well with my choices to be honest.  And I eat a lot less than I used to.  And I exercise.  I run.  I walk, I lift a little, do lots of resistance stuff, military type stuff, I drink TONS AND TONS of water.  I pray to the scale gods........JK.

So I am a seminar expert.  I know how the band works. I know what not to say about my personal journey.  I know how to push people to thinking the right way about their choices.  I NEVER tell people the band is the best choice.  I push all potential patients with T2 diabetes to RNY or DS.  I tell other people to look HARD at the sleeve if they can afford or insurance will pay.  I do not push the band.  My friend who has RNY ticks me off because she kind of bashes the band at the seminars, WTF???  I don't bash my surgery choice but I don't act like it's the best way either because it's a high maintenance pain in the ass!  

I do love my tool but I hate it too.  It's either too loose to be truly effective or it's a chokehold, for me anyway.  I can't find that green zone for any period of time. I'm always good until my period starts.  And I had the ablation but this period if you can call it that, has been two weeks long, OMG!  

I feel sexy and beautiful and empowered but also wrinkled I stare at my legs and think UGH I look at my tiny breasts and think UGH but with clothes on I know I get a lot of attention............and it's hard not to let it go to my head.  I am enjoying my new life but also............lots of personal issues.  I am grateful for this Christmas and the ability to eat like an idiot for a day or two and then get back on track and get the scale back in check.  I do oh so love my tool for that. 

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