Kevin H.

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HW: 390   SW: 378      M1: -27.9   M2: -17.1   M3: -20.2   M4: -16.8   M5: -11.8    M6: -10.8    M7:   -8.4   M8 :     -7  M9:      -9 M10:    -3 M11: -4.6 M12: -4.6 M13: -5.4  

 I named this Blog after one of my favorite Moody Blues songs.  It seemed fitting as I do some soul searching.  I've been listening to it a lot lately as I find that I am kinda down in the dumps over being alone.  So many of you have a spouse or significant other to help you through this journey and I don't.  I've been alone for 16 months now since my GF and I broke up.  I thought losing weight, fitting into smaller clothes and feeling better would help bring someone into my life, but no luck so far.  But, that is only part of my problem.

Several months ago I sorta gave up.  I guess I'm not the only one that this has happened to.  Most of my life has been like this with many things.  I get super pumped up and give whatever it is I'm into 100% but after after several months .. the steam dies off and I loose interest.  This happened to me again with VSG.

Many of you may remember me from OH forums here where I was EXTREMELY active some months ago.  I think I lived on the computer during my recovery period during the first few months replying to just about every posting on here, giving my 2 cents, watching video's of folks journey on youtube, reading articles, planning my meals, logging everything I ate on myfitnesspal, etc.

Then ... as usual .. the steam died out .. poof ...

It's why I could never loose weight and keep it off .. I would try hard for several months .. then loose all interest.  I really admire the strong willed people on here that never seem to give up .. do everything right .. stick to the plan .. post and read on here everyday .. make their video's faithfully every month .. never slip up ... 
I don't know how you do it .. and you really should be commended for your dedication and willpower.  When I think about you folks, I don't know how you ever got overweight to begin with if you are able to stick to something so faithfully.  I wish I knew your secret on sticking with something for such a long time without fail.

Well, I stopped coming to OH forums.  I stopped counting my food.  I stopped counting my water.  I stopped walking on the treadmill.  I stopped making protein shakes.  I stopped buying the protein drinks from Vitamin shoppe.  I stopped trying ...
I don't want to live the rest of my life counting my damn calories and counting my water.  I just want to live my life .. ya know? Am I the only person that feels like this?  I got tired of logging everything I ate into the computer.  What a pain in the rear that is.  Really ...  it is.

It really shows in my numbers too.  

Month 1: -27.9, Month 2: -17.1, Month 3: -20.2, Month 4: -16.8, Month 5: -11.8, Month 6: -10.8, Month 7: -8.4, Month 8: -7.

While I was having so much trouble with nausea and vomiting due to my gallbladder (which is now gone as of surgery 10/2/12) I was not able to eat dense protein and I was grazing on food that wouldn't make me sick but didn't fill me up either.  While this is true, I feel like it is some kind of excuse for my failure to stay motivated.  I don't want to make excuses.

Just for old times sake, I decided to log my food yesterday in myfitnesspal and sure enough ... it wasn't good.  I had 1,479 calories, 186 carbs and 72 protein.  Lord I can hear all the diet and food guru's gasping for breath right now at this lol.  This included an egg, some scrapple, 16 oz of orange juice (that was a killer on the carbs), some crab soup, Greek yogurt, cereal and some cashews.  I had no water at all .. other then what I mixed with some Crystal Light Ice Tea Mix.

While I certainly don't think this was all that bad for me, I realize that this is why I'm not losing more weight.  (It's not like I ate a Friendly's Ice Cream Sundae with 5 scoops and a whole pizza like I used to.)  It is more of a maintenance range not a loss range as far as the numbers go.  I didn't really have any dense protein to keep me full .. I'm still eating like I have been .. on food that wont fill me up so I'm eating way too much.  

Myfitnesspal says I'm allowed 1,950 calories and 268 carbs daily .. so I do still end up losing weight each month .. however I am far beyond the 600 calories and the 40 carbs that I used to preach to people months ago that they needed to be successful.  

I don't know why I'm writing all of this ... I guess to try and get myself back on track and admit to my lack of motivation. Hopefully it will keep others motivated that may read this to not do what I did.  Lucky for me my restriction is still there.  I can't eat much before I'm full .. but I'm eating often and grazing a lot.  I know what I'm supposed to do .. I just haven't felt like doing it .. to be honest.  I wish I could stay on track like so many of you on here seem to be able to do.  I really just want the surgery to work for me and not have to worry about all these numbers.  Part of me says, "I'm still loosing weight .. who cares if its only 7 lbs a month!  I'll eventually get where I want to be just slowly."  Then another part says, "you know you can do better then this!"

Today has been better.  After seeing the numbers yesterday for the first time in 4 months or so since I've kept track, it made me see that I'm not doing good.  I guess I gave myself the kick in the pants that I needed to start trying harder .. but I wonder how long it will last?  Like always, I'll lose steam and motivation after a while ... Lord, please let me get the rest of this weight off so I can get back to the maintenance plan ha ha.  1500 calories was SOOOO much nicer then 600.  Sigh ... 

Wish me luck!

if you care to hear the song from the title of this blog, here it is:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF2__-K8qFo

 Hello all,

Well my surgery was October 2nd as planned.  I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am and surgery was scheduled for 7:30.  They used the robot on me to do the operation.  

It went well.  He did a endoscopy on me while I was asleep and everything seemed to look ok from what I'm told.  Now, I have four more holes in my abdomen.  It is sore when I bend over or cough but it's healing nicely and I'm improving every day.

 Got a date for my gallbladder to be removed.  October 2nd will be the day.  Looking forward to feeling better once this thing is out of me.

Wish me well!

My friends on here .. thanks for writing to let me know I'm missed.  That really does mean a lot.  Again, I'm sorry for not being around much lately.  As I wrote previously, I've been having issues with nausea and vomiting.  Dense meat does not sit well with me and makes me vomit.  I am so hungry all the time I had been eating a lot of slider food since that would stay down and not make me sick.  Unfortunately, my weight loss pretty much grind-ed to a halt for the last month too other then the 6 lbs I lost during my vomiting episodes that lasted for several days.

Tuesday I went for a barium upper GI and I got to see my sleeve on the screen as I drank that nasty chalk LOL.  It was cool seeing it go down and through my stomach into my small intestine.  I was surprised at how quickly it went right through.  That whole thing about "drink water to help fill you up" .. yeah well ... liquids go straight through and directly into the intestines .. there was no filling up on water LOL .. just so you all know :)  No wonder I'm so hungry all the time just having mostly liquids, protein shakes and yogurt.  I'm quite sure that goes right through as well and does not sit in the sleeve for very long at all.  Wow .. I miss my dense protein to keep me satisfied :(

I also had an ultrasound of my gallbladder and this is where the bad news comes in.  The surgeon called this afternoon and said that I have "sludge" in my gallbladder.  He said this is the stuff that develops into gallstones and it needs to come out.  Another surgery for me :(

I guess this is one of the side effects of rapid weight loss.  Well .. at least I know why I'm feeling so bad now.

My 3 week stall is over and I'm back on track with eating better and knocking off the nachos with cheese.

Down 118.6 today.  Thank God the scale is moving again! 

Well a lot has happened in the last 6 months.  My life has dramatically improved!  I have lost 115 or so pounds so far.  I have been on some kind of stall for the last 3 weeks or so where I have gone up and down (slowly creeping up more then down.)  I have not lost any weight for that time and have actually gained about 4 or 5 pounds.  I am loosing inches however around my waist.  Though I don't take my measurements, I can tell because my size 46 pants that I bought 3 weeks ago are now loose on me and looks like I can probably fit into a 44 now.  Not loosing any weight is very discouraging.  Though I have not been making great food choices lately, It still doesn't feel like I eat anywhere near what I used to.  I am trying to get back on track with eating on plan again. 

I have not been walking on the treadmill either.  Exercise always was quite a chore for me and I had to get very pumped up and motivated just to do it and put on headphones listening to music to get my mind off of the boredom of walking on the thing.  I know other people have lost all of their weight by never exercising a day in their life and I sure am jealous of that ha ha.  While I do have some interest in lifting weights, I really hate cardio workouts.

I have done well so far, though the last 3 weeks to a month I can feel some of my motivation slipping with some of the food choices I've made.  I can eat a little more then I used to and although I knew that would be the case, It is a bit more scary now that the time has arrived.  I'm still going to counseling however I'm not sure how much it is helping.  We spend most of the time talking about other issues going on rather then about food issues.

I'm still trudging along.  I'm not sure where my mind is right now.  I feel like I am making progress because my pants are too big on me now but the scale just isn't showing it.  I still have another 100 lbs to loose and I have never been on a stall or gained weight back for such a long period of time before.  I read about other people not loosing anything for 3 weeks but I never thought that would happen to me.  "Your a guy, the weight just falls off of you" people say on these forums.  I would have a 5 day stall, not 3 weeks. 

Part of what makes me log into these forums is getting to change my weight to see my ticker at the bottom of my posts.  The weight has gone up, not down and I have not wanted to come here to change my weight going in the wrong direction, up!  I'm giving up the nachos and cheese and going back to protein bars for snacks.  I have been eating a lot of MD steamed crabs.  I can eat about 3 crabs at a sitting.  I eat that once a day.  A dozen crabs is 4 days of meals for me.  Though crab meat is not bad, the Old Bay Seasoning has lots of salt in it and I'm thinking that might be why I'm loosing inches but not weight.  I take a fluid pill though so that should be helping out. 

Overall I'm very happy.  People compliment me all the time saying "Your shriveling away to nothing."  With the scale not moving for so long, I wish I could feel that way. 

Hey all,

It's been a wild ride so far.  This morning I hit another milestone, 100 lbs lost.  I got my Century Club Card and proudly put my name on it.  

I was able to do it a few days before my 5th month surgiversary which is really exciting!  I lost 12 lbs with the pre op diet and 88 lbs since surgery.  I have really learned a lot on this journey about health, food and nutrition.  I had not really cared much about any of those things since high school when I was lifting weights and doing martial arts.  I'm not sure how I fell so far downhill from those days when I used to do those things.  God has a plan though and I do know that things happen for a reason.  I thank him, my surgeon, nutritionist, family, friends and my fellow weight loss peeps who support me for giving me a 2nd chance at life.

Now .. if you'll pardon me, I have another 100 to loose!  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QtWgrx8rQE&feature=plcp 

 

Here is the video of my 3 month update:  Thanks for watching!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rymbRf--KBg

Met with surgeon 2 days ago.  Told him I think something is wrong in my stomach.  I usually dont feel very good after eating.  I have mentioned it before .. it feels like a brick is sitting in my chest.  I feel like I have to burp and can't.  It is uncomfortable for about 30 min - 1 hour.  I told him I've been taking the Nexium and the Prilosec everyday.  I mentioned that I have been taking the Maalox several times a day too.  He told me to stop with the Maalox immediately.  I knew that Tums were bad but Maalox does the same thing.  After the "coating" wears off your stomach actually produces MORE stomach acid to counteract what the Maalox is doing to balance things out.  It's the same trap that Tums had me in.  Looks like I get to just rely on the PPI pills and nothing else.

He changed it to a new medicine called Dexilant DR 60 mg 1/day.

We'll see how this one works.