Received

Jan 23, 2011

My new clothes from NY & Co arrived on Thursday.  I was anxious to see them since items can look different in person than they do online.  I opened each plastic bag and help up the garment to the light; turning it about so I could see them from every angle.  I was very pleased with what I saw. 

I felt nervous about trying them on.  This is my first time purchasing clothes from a standard sized store and felt very anxious, so much so, I forgot the bag at my desk and had to retrieve it over the weekend!  

When I gathered the courage to try them on, I was able to exhale.  With each button slipping through the button hole, I realized I wasn't crazy.  I don't have to shop at plus sized stores.  I envisioned the accessories I would wear and the new shoes I needed to have to complete and stretch each look.  

I'm struggling to shed the plus sized me; I loved so many things about her.  I still have all of those things except the extra weight and some of the comforts that came with it.  Using "comfort" and "extra weight" in the same sentence may sound contradictory, but it's true: I understood my plus sized body.  I knew what size to cloak over it.  I knew how to move it.  It kept me warm all year round, even when cooler temperatures were preferable.

I don't know much about this new casing in which I reside.  It feels strange to the touch. Everything is smooshier than it once was.  I had to relearn how to walk and dance.  Since losing 211lbs, my movements began to feel exaggerated. I had to get used to looking at my new face which I'm convinced is starting to sag.

People call me skinny and I find it offensive.  Most of the time, a comment about my weight will be the first thing that flies out of somebody's mouth, completely ignoring general greetings.  Maybe it's me, but I find it to be rude as hell.  Sometimes I check them.  Sometimes I don't.  If it were my  sole focus to educate the ignorant, I'd have to quit my day job.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

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