My Journey

well to start this off with something let me go ahead and tell you alittle about me.. Im 29 years old and I have a 12 year old daughter who has been my one and only blessing. I am really just starting this process but i wanted to have it along time ago, but doctors just kept saying just work out and lose the weight on my own. which is all good except it hurts to stand and wash dishes so how am i going to start really working out. I want to have gastric bypass surgery. A couple of months ago i realized just how bad things were for me when my family and I decided to go out to the park.. we wanted to play kick ball with kids which is something ive never had a huge problem doing before. anyways we are out there i decide im going to play also i figured i could walk fast to each base at least. lol.. NOT.. I got to the first base okay.. but second base i was so winded and out of breath and embarrassed, everyone was cool about it of course i couldnt continue and it was okay watching everyone have a good time, I wanted to have a good time with them which is something i havent been able to do now for a very long time.. and that is what having this surgery is all about for me. being able to enjoy life again.
I am going to just say that I am considered Super Obese  i will NOT gain another pound and I am going to do whatever it takes to have the surgery and use it as my weapon to get the weight off and keep it off for good.. For the record i know you all dont know me but speaking that truth about myself was HUGE.. but its cool it will only get better from here on out.

I have my first educational class in Fayetteville on Feb 21st and im looking forward to it.. that is my first step to my new life.. I will defintly keep everyone posted, as your posts have imspired me in ways i could never say and i cant thank you all enough for being so honest and open about your lives.

Guess what.. I went to this other educational simminar last night.. it was in Pinehurst with doctor Kenneth Mitchell.. He is a great doctor and my first feelings towards him was that im not going to beable to get away with excuses with him.. Very informative and more than happy to answer all of our questions.. I had a qreat time and altho I am still secduled to go to the other seminar in Fayetteville I think my mind is made up as to who i want to do the surgery.. but I guess I will still go in fayetteville also just so my sister can go with me and learn more about this procedure and besides I can never be to prepared ...

On Monday i had to do some blood work for my own doctor and they got the results back today and called me to come in on Tuesday.. Scaryyyyyyyyyyy.. You know usually no news is usually good news so Im worried about what they have to say about my test results. I hope everything is okay.. And more than that i hope its nothing that will put off my surgery any longer than it has to.. On a lighter note when I went to the class last night some how some way i lost a few pounds not really trying to just staying away from the fast food and soda's but other than that not much has changed.

Anywho peeps.. I got a hugeeeeeee packet to fill out and i dont think I have ever been so excited to fill out some ppw before but hell I am so looking forward to it, hopefully my doctor will beable to fill out his potion and type up my referral letter on Tuesday when i go in for my results. The only thing im worried about is that He is a new doctor and i have only seen him once before. I wonder if i could get a letter from my old doctor saying his reasons for feeling like I need this surgery. My new doctor hardly even knows me.. What should i do.. ? Well just wanted to keep ya posted.. NIghty nite

feb 20, 2007

OKay i went to the doctors today and was alittle worried about the visit because i wasnt sure what they may have found in the blood work that i did previouly.. I made a really big deal about all that for nothing because I am still not diabetic and that was one of my worst fears.. But they did find that i am little Anemic and that my liver points were really low.. I use to drink alotttttttttttt.. I will take that test again in a couple of months but hopefully that wont stop me from being able to have the surgery sooner than later..

Also my doctor was cool about filling out the paper work. I had the thyroid panel done today and Will have the bone density test done on the the 22 but found out my insurance .. might not cover that cost and its $318.00 so if they dont i will go ahead and eat the cost but i really dont want to.. I also have to turn my packet in with a 250.00 check.. so the cost is rising but i know it will all be worth it in the end.. I am really looking forward to sending my packet in and getting the ball rolling.. any advise from any one with the same insurance that i have would be very appreciated. I am still going to the other Educational class that i have an appointment with for the 21st in Fayetteville Nc, dont think i could ever have to much information and I might like something better about this doctor so im going to go altho my mind is pretty much made up as to which doctor i want to have the precedure done with. Well i will let ya know how that goes tomorrow.. and im going to call about sending in my packet by the end of the week.

feb 27,07 Well of course i went to the meeting in fayetteville.. Very informative but I think i will stick to the doctor in Pinehurst. he was more down to earth and Just made me feel better about the whole process in general.. I have my packet all filled out and ready to send in but since i have an appointment in the morning with my PCM I will wait to send it in hoping that perhaps he gives me the results of some of my test. They did say that it wasnt needed to turn in the packet because they will request everything they need from my doctor.. but i want to make this process as smooth for everyone as possible. I am so ready to be on the loosing side. I just wanted to thank everyone for being so nice and replying to all of my emails.. I know us preops can get alittle overly excited and overbearing with questions. Well just wanted to say thanks for everything and that I am always on this site now for some reason i cant get enough of it.. So if anyone needs to talk.. I am more than happy to help. thanks for reading. K

March 01, 2007

Its funny.. i was just holding on to that packet i could have sent it in at least a week ago.. but I just sent it today.. they should have it today its an hour away and i expressed Mailed it.. heheehhe.. I just want to make sure they get it thats all.. I guess the real hurry up and wait has just begun.. I asked for a referral for a sleep study.. hopefully i will have it soon.. I just dont want any hold ups .. and i know it can take a while to get the sleep study appointment so im trying to be ahead in the game alittle bit.. Anyways.. wish me luck.. I have no idea what the next step will be.

Okay.. so i dont know whats up with me.. lately I havent had much of an apetate but tonight i made Toco's for the family and i just couldnt stop at just one.. I feel so guilty now and really full.. well If i never eat toco's again I can truly say that I have had my share for a life time.. hehehe

March 6, 2007

Called insurance to get the authorization for the pulmonary doctor consult so that i can have the sleep apena test done.. Apparently my PCM has had this information a couple of days and didnt feel like calling me letting me know.. anywaysssssss.. i called the pulmonary doc office but the computers are down and they cant make an appointment for me but promised to call right back when they can.. so hopefully everything will work out and i will be alittle bit closer to surgeryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.. Will keep ya posted.. K

March 7th 07

got appointment with Pulmonary doctor for March 15th for the sleep study.. Im looking forward to it. One less thing I have to do before the big day. Also talked with Dr. Mitch's office and they are just using my file as a cup holder anyways she said she would call me no later than Friday and set up appointments. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. couldnt she just do it now..

March 08,06

Finally the Bariatric Office called me today.. Ms Carmen Hailey, I actually was sitting there playing with my phone battery and next thing I know theres a message from her.. anywho of course i call right back.. NO ANSWER.. cool i guess thats pay back.. didnt stop me tho.. I kept calling back.. anywho.. im sitting there starring at the phone.. LIKE please ringggggggggggggggg.. and it does.. and its Carmen calling me back saying that she has my file(DUHHHHHHHHHhh) we already knew that.. anyways said that I should recieve a call from Carolina Behavior in the next few days. ..i will call them myself and set up my own appointment..hehehehhe.. thats for the Psych examine.. and also have to go to an educational class/Nutrionist apointment on April 12th 4 to 7pm .. jezz thats so far away.. But its all good.. By then I would have had the Pulmonary screening and Psych exam so this will be hopefully be one of the last things i have to get ..My doctor still hasnt wrote the Letter of Necessity for them yet.. What the hell is he waiting for.. I guess he wants to wait for the results of Pulmonary first so he has more to write in the letter which is cool but hell they only need one Comorbilty


March 12, 06

Well well well.. Hey Oh Family.. just wanted to say that things are moving right along.. Anna called me from bariatic center this morning to take my 250.00 admin fee .. paid that with credit card.. didnt even hurt to pay it I was just happy they called this way I know the ball is rollingggggggggg..  Maybe a hour or so later after that the Psy office/ Carolina Behavioral called and said they had an cancelation and if I wanted to take that Appointment.. which is in the morning March 13 8:30 am.. I was LIKE YES of Courseeeeeeeeeee I want it.. One less thing to worry about doing. The only thing is that its an hour and half away and i cant seem to get directions directly to them so i will just call when i know im close and hopefully they can direct me in the rest of the way. I am looking forward to this.  Well I will let yall know how that goes when I get back tomorrow.. I hope they are like.. We are recommending you for surgery right now.. lol.. ttyl


March 13th 06

Well got up really early and headed to pinehurst got there actually at 7am and was wayyyyyyyyyy to early .. I thought i would get lost but found it very easily. Dr. Wiener PHD was cool.. I figured I would only answer what ever questions she had and wouldnt volunteer information but she was soooooooo easy to talk to that I just started spilling it all out on the table.. She was super cool.. What I didnt care to much for was the Evaluation Test.. that sucked soooo bad 350 questions.. REally dumb questions like.. Do you see things other dont see.. Do you hear things others dont here.. Do you see DEAD people.. hehehe..  Have i ever wanted to hurt anyone i loved.. or have I ever let anyone hurt me.. blah blah blah.. anyways.. I dont know the results but I guess they can tell alot about a person depending on how they answered the questions.. Its cool tho I know im alot of things but crazy isnt one of them.. I also dont think im overly depressed altho with this weight I probaly should be.. My next appointment with her is set up for April 10th but Im going to call every day next week and see if they have any concelations and sneak in earlier for that.. Im hoping by April 12th Ms Weiner would have sent in my recommendation for surgery.  But we will see.. either way things seem to be moving however my PCM seems to be the snail in this case.. Just wants to wait until he has everything before sending things to the Bariatric clinic. Im thinking of getting another PCM that understands the time line on this alittle better... I would like to have a surger date by next month.  I also have an appointment for firday march 16th @10:20 am to see my PCM.. Im going to get an EKG, and talk to him about faxing the results of the test that he has to the baritric center.. I also asked for a referral for consultation with Dr. Mitchell.. Im so ready to have this surgery and im not going to let anyone or anything stop me from having it. I am being patient but I at least like knowing things are moving along.. time is money.

 March 14th 06


Well my PCM called today and said that he faxed over the bone density and thyroid panel results also faxed the letter of medical nesscessity over to the Bariatric office. Now once they recieve these things I believe they can summit to my insurance for preapproval.  I have the sleep Test to do tomorrow.. I  already have my first Psch evaluation and will get the results of that next week.  and on April 12 i have edu class and nut appointments in the same day. So I am thinking that after all these things are done.. I will be almost ready.. I wish I knew what esle I could do now with my own doctor as far as test go so that they are out of the way. I love my doctor now.. I was beginning to research another PCM if he still wasnt willing to do the things I asked.


March 15th.. LOVE THIS DAy.. MIlitary payday.. hehehehe

NAH.. I HATE TODAY.. IM SO PISSEDDDDDDD.. THEY CALLED AND CANCELLED MY SLEEP TEST DUE TO THE TECH HAVING SOME KIND OF FAMILY EMEMGENCY.. NOW DONT GET ME WRONG.. I DO FEEL FOR THE PERSON AND I UNDERSTAND THAT SHIT HAPPENDS.. HOWEVERRRRRRRRRRRR.. YALL ONLY GOT ONE TECH? WHATS UP WITH THAT.. ANYWAYS NEW APPOINTMENT IS FOR MARCH 27TH.. But you know i called my insurance tricare right away to see if they can fax me out another referral to another doctor that is on the list of providers.. they were cool with that gave me a few numbers to call and see when i could get appointments with them however they were all booked until the end of APRIL .. NOT.. so im going to go ahead and keep my appointment with the first peeps.. but see.. dont get me wrong.. I am not looking foward to having the study.. im looking forward to putting it behind me so i can move on to bigger and better things.. or should i say in this case.. SMALLER thingsssssssss.. Hola @ cha gurl.

March 16th 2007

Well went to see my PCM today.. thanked him very  much for sending in my ppw that i asked him to send to the Bariatric center and also asked for the referral I need  to see Dr Mitchell for the consultation. Also set up apointment for NExt week to  have my Pap done.. I hate those and always will.. But like to know whats good down in that department so its all good. Well Until i have something important to say .. I will mossy on along and read other reallyyyyyyy really does brighten my day and inspire me.

March 22, 2007

Went to see my Pcm today.. Had to have a PaP.. hate it.. anyways hopefully everything in that department turns out great.. anyways.. had an appointment for the Psyc follow up for April 10th but called yesturday to see if they had any cancellations and they did so I get to go back tomorrow March 23rd @ 4:15 pm. hoorayyy.. you know what i realized .. alot of this whole process is about just waiting around for appointments if it wasnt for that people could have their surgery's in a couple of months tops.. So someone needs to implement something where the wait time is alot lower or like make the appointments all at once or something.. like if you know im going to have to have an EKG.. then make that apointment now since its going to be a month before they can fit me in for it.. Thank god my PCM doesnt have a huge wait time for appointments.. I can usually just show up if I want to and if i do make an appointment its within the same week in most cases.. So anyways until there is a change my advise is even if you have an appointment far away just call often and see if there are cancellations that they can fit you in.. and if your going to have this surgery soon as you seriouly start looking into it.. make an appointment to have a sleep study because those can be two months away for appointment times. just be proactive and it will work out faster and better in the long run. So after my appointment tomorrow with the Psyc followup and my appointment on the 27th for sleep test.. I WILL BE DONE for the most part.. On the 12th I have NUT appointments then I guess after that everything will finally be sent in for approval which that part im not worried about because I know i quaify, and Tricare usually approves within a few days at worst long as they recieve everything you are good to go.. So Im ready to get going dammit.


March 25th

On the 23rd I went to see the Donna Weiner/PHD she said my test results were on the high side for depression so that got me alittle nervous but all and all that appointment went great and she said that she will be giving her approval to my surgeon on Monday. Getting closer and closer.. Sleep Study is still on the 27th and they better not cancel it..


March 28, 2007


Sleep study.. ONE word MISERABLE.. I really hated it.. The thing is the Tech/Stephany was really cool.. and the place itself was nice tv's dvd's other than the hospital equipment could have been a nice little hotel room.. HOWEVER.. I couldnt sleep on my stomach because when I would try the tech would have to come in and reajust all the wires and stuff I tired like three times to lay on my stomach but my boobs were in the way and so I had to roll my big butt back over and try to sleep as best I could on my back or side which hurt so bad trying to stay like that all night.. I actually thought that I didnt sleep a wink but the Tech assured me that I had slept but that I did keep waking up through out the night.. The first thing the Tech says to me when she woke me up in the morning was Gurlllllllllllll You need some oxygen.. Im like okay which means what.. she said i had a hard time and also made the comment that she thought she should call the paramedics for me.. NOT anyways im glad I had the study because otherwise this isnt something I would have ever knew to check on my own.. since this journey has started im finding out things I wouldnt have ever known about myself. So its worth the pain of sleeping on my back all night altho I think maybe my boobs were cutting off my oxygen if i were able to sleep on my stomach maybe the results wouldnt have been to bad.. anyways.. the dr from the sleep study should be calling me soon to set up another appointment.. IM GOING TO Hate it but I am ready to feel better and if a cpap is going to do that for me and Increase my chances of not dieing through out the night well.. bring it on.. IF i could sleep through last night I can sleep through anything.. ..

Im not trying to be impatient but I will be honest patients is not my virtrue.. I never claim it to be.. It will be three months since I went to my first educational siminar with Dr. Mitchell.. and Im not going to lie.. Im ready for them to do something.. send in my paper work to the insurance all ready so i can have my surgery date.. The bariatric center says that after my NUT and Patient education class on April 12th I should be getting my consult with the surgeon and all ppw will be sent in to the insurance provider at that time.. so I know thats only around the corner but I am just sooooooooo ready to get this weight off and keep it off.. I want to get all the test done and I do understand why those are important but they really should figure out an easier way .. trying an hour and half to get things done is taking its toll on me and gas card. 

April 2,2006

Had Part two of sleep study.. one word.. FINISHED.. actually for some reason this time it was ALOT easier I dont know why since at first I thought they were trying to take my breath away versus helping me breath better.. I was actually trying to talk on my cell phone with the  mask on.. NOT.. dont even bother but to my surprize I slept all night long well almost and I wasnt that uncomfortable with the mask on.. It only covered my nose but that thing is big it covered part of my mouth also so i kept pushing it up. I had the same Tech ThankGod cuz I liked her and I wouldnt want to get use to someone esle.. What can I say.. Im not crazy about meeting new people..

April 11th 2007

OKay I was mistaken.. My PCM didnt have the results of the  Sleep study yet, he actually wanted to go over my Pap results, I wish he would fire his office staff.. So I get to go to a GYN specialist to see if they can fix me up in that department. Already have my referral waiting for an appointment but im not going to call ahead of time because im not looking forward to that. Howeverrrrr I did go see my PCM yesturday and He told me that I have SEVERE Obstructive Sleep Apena. whatever that means. He wrote me a prescription for CPAP and im looking at him like okay so do i just take it to the nearest Eckards / or CVS.. anyways he didnt even know.. I got home and made some calls basically I had to find a Medical supply place that takes my insurance and fax them my prescription and my sleep study results which i didnt have because I didnt know I needed them, so got up this morning and drove back to PCM's office and got a copy of the sleep study because they wouldnt fax it to the medical supply place with out arthorization from me which had to be a letter to them.. Anyways I get the sleep study results and my precription take it to my leasing office where I reside and tell them to fax it over for me.. GREAT about 30 mins later the Medical supply place calls and says we have your ppw and we just need to verify your insurance then they will set up appointment today to bring me my CPAP finally. My thing is this.. If the sleep lab and your PCM knows that you basically damn near die every night because you cant get enough oxygen why isnt there some kind of rush on something like a CPAP that virtrully can save your life? I mean.. I had the study done on March 27th hopefully I will have the CPap this week hopefully today.. but it Just seems to me that it should be faster. thats all.

Now i cant wait for the NUT and Patient class to be over with which is on April 12th. After that all is sent to the insurance for approval.. Hoorayyyyyyy cant wait.


April 19th

Well im sorry i havent updated my post lately its just that I havent felt I have had much change lately. On the 12th I went to the patient Education class and was a few mins late.. They didnt have my name on the list and I was just really upset.. Long drive .. I know  I registred, yes i was alittle late but not more than a few mins.. So the lady goes well let me make sure so she calls Carmen and Yes i am supposed to be there even had a Bariatric book there with my name on it.. Appartenly someone esle was in my seat that was not supposed to be there so she had to bounce and I took my place.. This whole class is like a recap of what you were already told in the first Siminar with the surgeon.. So thats cool they just add in what you have to do pre op and breaks it down as far what you must do after surgery. So it was cool but I was well informed already. I just wanted to know whats next.. So the next day they call me to set up consultation appointment with the surgeon .. KEWL except the appointment is for May 15th and I wasnt feeling that.. I wanted it to be sooner because aparently after that appointment you are secduled for the surgery two weeks after that so that would have given me an surgery date for the end of May or beg of JUNE>. NOT.. anyways was really depressed about it but kept it to myself.. SO they call me Yesturday and say How would I like to move up my appointment to April 24th.. Im like Okay great.. im there.. So I have the appointment with the surgeon on the 24th which is tuesday after the appointment with the surgeon I go over to the hospital and do all the preop testing and things so thats cool im getting there Finallyyyyyy  and they bascially send in to the insurance after this appointment . So hopefully I will be having surgery the beginning of May .. But will let you know when I know for sure.. thanks for readingggggggggggggg..

Hate waiting!!!!!!!!!

April 23rd

Well appointment with surgeon is tomorrow where they do history and Physical..and send me around the hospital taking different test.. at least thats what I am asumming will happen since it takes all day long to complete. Looking forward to it.

 I am not in happy mood today.. someone posted a message about the Oh memorials and I decided to take a look.. I guess that was just a reality slap that this is a very real surgey and not everyone comes out it and even if they do the complications that can arise are very real .. I mean I have done my research and I feel like I have picked a great doctor but at the same time I have been thinking about the What IF's today.. I have one child a daughter 12 years old and she is the reason that I am on this jouney to begin with. I see her following in some of my footsteps with the bad eating habbits and altho shes not overweight its still very likely that she will be if she keeps this up.. So changing my life now will hopefully put a positive healthy spin on hers. But she is all I got and I dont want to leave this world any time soon. I mean I have to think about whos going to take care of her IF something does go wrong. Shes a good kid and I love her very much.. she is my world and Tesha if anything does happen.. Just know that I love you very much and this was a choice that I made for myself. I want you to be Happy and make every last one of your dreams come true .. I will always be looking over you and guiding you to be the best you YOu could be..

 Now.. with that being said.. I am ready to take my chances at a healthier life. Will update tomorrow after my consulation with Dr. Mitchell.


April 25.07

As I am writing this.. I am just soooooooooo tired. Yesturday got up bright and early and headed in to Pinehurst for my history and Physical..  So they didnt take long at all to call me to the back and Tina went over everything paperwork wise and also asked me, Why did i look so said.. I told her that I wasnt sure. Just a long day and that I will be alot happier when I at least have a date. She  was like But you do have a date. I was like Whatttttttttttttt , Whennnnnnnnnnnnnnn . I had no idea, no one bothered to tell me that and to my knowledge they hadnt even summited to the insurance yet. Couldnt wipe the smile off my face when she said May 24th is your bigday. I was sooooo happy and every time they would walk out of my room for whatever reasons, I would stand up and get my dance on and when they come back  i would run back to my seat. I am so excited now. I was just wondered if this was really going to happen and well It really is.. So anyways, DR. Mitchells PA did my physical he was really cool.. He is name is Dr. Washington and he kept me laughing the whole time. Then the race starts.. I had to have blood work done and pee in a cup.. Now prior to finding out I had a date I had to go reallyyyyyyyyyy bad .. well I guess i was just to excited and I just couldnt use the potty..I had to get up calm myself down pace the bathroom alittle bit and then run the faucet alittle bit to help me out.. then maybe 15 mins later wheww  Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Anyways after that I had to run over to the hospital to preregister, while your doing that they also send you to talk to the Nurse and thats way cool she just takes tons of infomation from you and lets you know what to bring to the hospital and when to be there and sends you on your way.. Well wasnt finished yet tho.. then you go back to Pinehurst surgical where you started from and bascially get the end of the tour rules. At which point they give you the rest of your information .. like take a shower before you get to the hospital DUHHHHHH and take the Bowl prep stuff @ 5pm the day before and bring your cpap head gear NOt the machine itself .. and etc.. and then the Surgeon Dr. Mitchell comes in and talks to you alittle but lets you ask questions if you have any but I didnt.. All I wanted to know by this point was if he had any hoilday plans for after my surgery..cuz i  Cant have the man OUT OF TOWN when I may need him, I let him know he is going to have to save all plans for at least July or even Auguest.. HEHEHEHE.. anywaysssssssssssss.. NOw today I had to go back to the hospital in Pinehurst for the EGD, Chest Xray and EKG. NOw this was pretty funny.. I got there ahead of time and got all ready and everything they make you change from the waste up and hook you up to a heart monitor and put a cuff on your arm that takes blood pressure the entire time your there.. well then your all ready to go after they ask you another 20 questions about your medical history.. if your allergic to this or that.. Now anyways I was tired so I fell asleep waiting for the dr to get there so I felt pretty rested when They put me in the room with him and just really thought i was going to have a problem with this EGD.. Im like I know i have a strong GAG reflex I mean I would have hated to throw up on the SExy ass doc .. Ya heardddddddd.. But anyways they got the IV going and Doctor asked me was I ready I said NOt really I dont know what to expect and I asked him if he was  ready and he said NOPE and Im like well neither am I then.. be ready when you are.. So he assured me that he is ready and that he was going to Give me some Happy Juice now and I told him to give me ALOT just dont think they can make me numb enough Anyways  NEXT thing I know.. ITS ALL OVERRRRRRRRRRRr!!!!!!!!!!!!! what in the **** was in that happy juice.. I didnt remember anything.. NOTHING.. So when I finally come to Im like I thought i was supposed to help and do something like swallow the freaken thing and the lady that woke me SAid well you did.. You were great and did everything you were told.. Im like Look lady stop playing with me.. I didnt do anything and I need proof that my EGD was done.. So shes like okay let me go get the pictures.. She brings me pictures and I must say.. My insides are very nice looking..heheheh.. and my name was printed on it so I guess its mine............ However.. I had to make sure so when Dr. Mitchell came back Im like are you sureeeeeeee I wasnt completely sleep and hes like NOPE you werent asleep But you wont remember a thing. Well if surgery works that well I am not afriad in the least bit. By this time by sister was back there with me and I just kept saying Fareal Tinay they did it already and so forth.. anywayssssssss.. To anyone about to have an EGD.. dont even sweat it.. ITS a piece of cake. I had worked my nerves up pretty good by the time the doctor got there and it was all for nothing.. My doc is the bombdiggity.. Stay blessed and thanks for readinggggggg

May 8th 07

I know I am really really bad about posting lately. but I guess I am just going through some things and havent had much to say. As you know I am finally going under on the 24th. wow really close now and i just cant wait. Its just a trip to see how people act towards you when they know your about to change your life in such a major way. Its just funny because the people that you thought would be there for you arent there for you and if you ask me they are jealous and enivous that I am doing this. its almost like they would perfer it if I stayed fat. Well thats how I take it. I just feel that I have put everyones needs infront of my own. Well you know what.. thats over with now. When I wake up from surgery, everything I do from that day on will be all about me and of course my daughter as well. But no more bending over backwards for everyone esle. My sister made the comment girl when you do this your going to be different and not have time for anybody. but you know what.. YOU DAMN RIGHT. Thats the only way its going to be from now on. Cant help them anymore, we are all grown now and Im not letting anyone hold me back anymore. All my dreams are going to come true starting on May 24th.

May 10,2007

Thanks Holygrl72.. My page is awesome, brought alittle tear to my eye!!! I couldnt tell you what I wanted it to look like because I had no idea.. Its absolutly perfect for me.. Thank you soooooooooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhh.. I was having a crappy day and that really made it so much better.. 

Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy my page is off the Hook.. 


Closer lyrics

Closer to my dreams
It's coming over me

I'm gettin' higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm getting higher and higher
Feel it in my sleep

Some times it feels like I'll never go pass here
Some times it feels like I'm stuck forever and ever

But, I'm going higher
Closer to my dreams
I'm goin' higher and higher
I can almost reach

Some times you just have to let it go (Let it go, let it go)
Leaving all my fears to burn down
Push them all away so I can move on
Closer to my dreams
Feel it all over my being
Close your eyes and see what you believe

I'm happy as long as we're apart
Then I'm moving on to my dreams

I'll be moving higher (Moving higher)
Closer to my dreams
And higher and higher, higher
Feel it in my being (I can feel it flow around me)
I know that I could not go alone (No, no)

I'm moving higher (Higher), oh...
I'm going higher and higher and higher (Higher and
Closer to my dreams (Higher and higher, oh...oh...)
I'm moving upward and onward and beyond all I can see
(Stretching out my arms so I can reach)

Feels so close it's like i can just reach
I can feel my dreams (Closer to my dreams)
I'm moving closer to my dreams
I'm moving (Higher and higher) higher and higher
(Higher and higher)
Moving higher, oh...

Some times it feels like you never gon'change (Never gon'change)
But you never choose to walk away May 13th 07 Why am I doing everything possible to mess up my chances of having surgery. I have worked so hard to have this surgery and Here I am totally screwing things up. I was supposed to start the liquid diet on the 10th but I couldnt because I didnt have what I needed so Went to Walmart on the 11th and got all of the things on the list, but I still havent followed it, Yesturday was the 12th and I was at my moms house and I had a shot of Gin and ate some stake and potatoes because I didnt have any of my liquid diet things there with me.. so I guess what Im saying is I am sobotaging this in a major way. I might show up for surgery and he might somehow know I havent been doing what I am supposed to be doing. The bottom  line is I didnt know it was going to be this hard, I know I want to have surgery but I am thinking that I may possibly fail at this. That is really hard to digest because I dont want to go through all this just to fail. I am going to stick to my guns with this liquid diet from here on out and just do it. This is just so hard. I wish I were stronger. May 16th As hard as this liquid diet has been for me, ITs kicking my butt but I am losing weight with it. Anyways I find out yesturday that I may not be having my surgery on May 24th. When I went to see my other doctor a couple of weeks ago she put me on Provera 10 mg, because I was having really heavy monthly and blood work was showing anemia. She said she would have put me on Birthcontrol but with the upcoming surgery that she couldnt do that, because birthcontrol can cause some blood clotting. I figured since she knew that then whatever she was prescribing for me was okay because she seemed very knowledgable about my upcoming surgery, and actually has many patients thats already had it.  I didnt think to ask my surgeon if taking the Provera would be okay. Anyways yesturday  I get a call from Surgeon's office asking me about my blood levels and wanted to know if I had my period the day I did blood work. I told them Yes and actually it had been on for almost three weeks prior to that  and that I went to my doctor and she put me on Provera for 7 days. And still bleeding now mind you.  So they said most likly they would have to wait at least 4 weeks after the last time that I took the Provera to make sure there is no clotting after surgery.  That would hurt so much, I understand its a precautionary measure but everything was already planned and I was so excited. I wont know for sure if they are still going to do the surgery on the 24th yet, they will let me know if there will be a change today.. anyways everybody just make sure you check with your surgeon before taking any new meds from your usual doctor.  Well off to go finish crying now. May 21, 07  Surgery date changed back to oringnal date.. Thrusday May 24th. OH MY GODDDDDDDD.. I am the first surgery for that day......... I went off the liquid diet after they changed my time to June 7th , but they said long as I didnt gain any weight (and i havent) and follow liquids from now on out things will be fine.. But now I question rather or not Its safe to do it now versus waiting. They canceled it because I was taking Provera for heavy period and said that it could cause the healing process to be slower. So they canceled it. Now they call and say its back on again.. IM scaredddddddd excited and feel l like I have to go potty because of the butterflies in my tummy now.   May 22, 2007 I have a ANGEL her name is   Diane Fowler I feel so lucky, Shes a sweet heart and will be keeping everyone posted while I am recovering.. Thanks a bunch Diane. May 23, 2007 Wow by this time tomorrow I will hopefully be out of surgery and on my way to a healthier happier life. I am sitting here having all kinds of emotions, anxious, Happy, excited, scared. I dont know what to do with my last day. Im thinking I will get up and go to walmart and get a couple of things that I need for the hospital. Like some new cute slippers, I also went out and got a mini make over, Wax, nails no polish and a peticure ,feet to cute.. now that  I have spent a grip on that and done alittle food shopping for my 12 year old daughter There is nothing really for me to do, Im not going to pack alot to take to the hospital with me I was thinking about taking my lap top but with all the meds I will probaly be on, I cant say that I wont accidently drop that thing or have someone steal it while im knocked out on vocodin.. ITs still America and i put nothing pass no body. anyways I think I will just wait until I get back home to worry about a computer. However I wont have very many visiters so at least if I have my computer I will be able to stay some what busy. I know the hospital has internet connection and I will find it.. Love having the router..heheheh.. So now im just trying to figure out what to do now. ONly thing i can have today is clear liquids Im already starving, I cant wait to have surgery so that food isnt the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I wonder if I can still take my vitamins, or is that considered a food? oh well I will just take them with me to the hospital in the morning. You know whats really funny. I am the one always there for everyone and tomorrow it will be three people there with me while im in surgery, My mom my baby sister and my daughter. Just funny cuz always thought the waiting room would be full of people rooting for me. I know there are some people that dont have anybody there with them so I am going to count my blessings, Just one very important person wont be there and what can I say.. That is very much my own fault. anyways enough of that I have to go drink some water or have a popsicle and head to walmart for some minor shopping. Kiesha May 27th 2007

Well as you can see I didnt take my Laptop to the hospital with me and I think I defintly would have used it there. I didnt get any visitors and had alot of time on my hands.. Well let me recap for those you wondering. I got to the hospital an hour earlier and for some reason I wasnt feeling the least bit scared, I kept waiting for that IM SO SCARED to take place but it never did. Once I was in the back and the Doctors and everything were coming in the greet me and explain what was going to take place I was actually just feeling calm and ready. Even when the anastigaloigist.. typo came in to see me and said she was going to give me something to calm me down I told her I was already good with that and I will see her in the OR she was surprized that I didnt need any help and I was wide awake when they wheeled me into surgery.. Listend to them talking about me like I was there and next thing I know I am awake sceaming for them to get that hose out of my nose and thout.. That was the worst part of all for me was the breathing tube.. Defintly lucky if they move there before you wake up.. I didnt think I would get to have Lap RNY because I was barely on the liquid diet because my date changed a couple of times but Lap it was.. HORRYYYYYYYY.. I actually took pictures of my big beautiful holely tummy for all to see that wants to see it.. I will post them later soon as Im up to figuring out how to. My stay at the hospital was great, I had one moment yesturday where I was feelling  really down, I wasnt in pain or anything. What happened was since Dr. M puts all his patients in ICU there isnt any real bathrooms in there  and you use this potty thing with a pull out pan, well Im there peeing the freaking pan falls and hits the floor and I am still peeing.. So I start calling out for the nurse to come and by the time she got there to help me I was just in a ball of tears I was crying so hard. Im sure it wasnt about the fact that I had made a mess for someone to clean my emotions were just running wild. The nurses Kept saying Gurl its fine happends all the time and so forth and I just cryed even harder. Im sure it was like postpardum or something I got over it and the rest of my day was good there.. That ever happen to someone esle? Hope im not going to be a cry baby all the time. One of my nurses, her name is Nicole was great. Just want to give her a shout out all of the nurses are great but she kinda really stood out the most for me. Pain wise I was good I didnt take much after the first couple of days I was really comfortable just that pain on my left side which I walked and walked and passed gas and walked and passed more gas that it was easy for me to deal with. I really dont have any complaints I expected everything that happend to me in the hospital except the crying part. But I am so happy to be home in my own bed. I must say I havent eaten very much at all and now Im going to try making myself some purred tuna and see how that goes, I just have no desire to eat or drink anything but will defintly be working on it. OVer all the hardest part for me was that my blood levels were so low that while there they had to give me two pints of blood and that really sucked. I think I found it to be more gross than anything esle well six hours later and that was all over with. Thanks to everyone for your kind words and altho I didnt talk to my Angle I know she was hard at work for me while I was away.. thanks so much Diane. I hope to return the favor and be someones esles angle in their time of need. 


May 29,2007


Well Ive been home for two days now and I must say I felt better in the hospital, I mean in the hospital I was up and walking around and felt like I didnt need to be there any more. Since Ive been home I could barely walk the other night i had to walk doubled over. My stomach is really sore especially after I have been sleeping and I guess its from gas build up and usually after I wake up I start to WALK IT OUT heheeheh.. anyways I must say.. THis is defintly not easy. Its a challage to eat and I know if i dont eat I wont lose the weight and If i dont drink Im going to get sick and dehydrated and wind up back in the hospital.. NOT.. Im not having that so Im going to use this Gtube while I have it and stuff as much liquid protein in a day as I can and try to eat even if its a bite an hour. I will not let this beat me. Its funny because the morning of surgery I was soooooooo hungery I think if someone would have put a piece of KFC in front of me It would have been on.. and all my mom and sisters were talking about was getting something to eat as soon as I went under.. Im like okay if anybody mentions food again they are going to be murdered and I meant it. I was so hungery. But will say this.. I havent been hungery since. I see commercials and think that looks good or I want a bite of that. I know its all  Head hungry and it passes rather quickly. But I do wish eating was alittle bit easier. I cant eat anything and its beginning to scare me. What I did find was that altho I cant drink more than a sip of anything at any given time, I can eat an entire SF popsical.. whats up with that? I boiled an egg yesturday took two bites after chewing chewing and chewing and felt like I had a bigmack stuck in my stomach. Today im going to try some purred ham and roicotta cheese and see how that works out. I think the point is to try try try try and eventually it will work out. I hate purreing everything and will have to do this for the next two weeks until I see the surgeon again. So maybe once im able to move on it will get alittle bit easier. Just take one day at a time.


 June 5th

I have been in the hospital since last thrusday, I just felt really sick and stayed in bed and got dehydrated and had an infection of some kind which I dont think they ever did figure out but wouldnt let me go home until the fever stayed away for at least 24 hours. I was in alot of pain and just didnt drink or eat anything I tried but it was useless.. I could have been using my GTube but for some reason didnt try that until it was already to late. Who ever said this was the easy way out dont know what the hell they are talking about . I am defintly losing weight but I dont want to lose it like this. I want to do what I am supposed to do. I am working on in tho, Im home now and Im not going back to the hospital. This is going to get better I am just going to take one day at a time. 


Okay well so much for not going back into the hospital, I had two weeks doctors appointment in pinehurst and I was very weak just dont feel very well when I try to eat or drink and would rather sleep than to wake up to try to eat or drink something. I was supposed to be taking in at least two ensures a day and I wasnt even getting in half of one.. So in the hospital I go again, Yeah I know I said I wasnt coming back but This is alot harder than I expected it to be.. I thought i would be stronger and this would be easier for me but its not.. I was in the hospital for three more days and then they let me go but Home health is supposed to come here and set up Feeding Pump today but I havent hard a thing from them so I dont know if they are still coming or not. However, today I put in a whole can of ensure and Im going to drink a boost soon, I also had about 2 ounces of sliced deli turkey and three sf popsicals, I still need to get in more liquids so im going to eat a few more sf popsicals and drink at least a 32 ounce power ade altho I dont have to drink that anymore it does hydrate me so Im going to keep drinking them. I had my Blake drain removed on Firday at the doctors office and boy do I feel 100% better without that thing.. I hated that the most. the Feeding tube site can still be alittle sore and i cant sleep on my tummy yet, I know thats whats keeping me alive so im in no rush to have it removed.. Every day is a challange and I am working on it.. I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel.. I have lost 32 pounds since my highest weight and 23 pounds since surgery.. Im sure it would be more but I have been in the hospital twice for liquids and fevers.. But not complaining I want to be healthey and do this the right way. On a lighter note.. I put on a pair of shorts that I had from last summer that i couldnt fit anymore.. and They fit..  alittle tight but can zip and button up with no problem.. So wow.. im doing it. All I really want to say to you guys is. Be careful.. you can die from not getting in enough. It is very serious and no amount of weight loss is worth your life.. Do what you have to do to get the liquids in protein and food, and take your vitamins. Do what your doctors say do and things will be fine and you will be at goal in no time. I want to say Im not going back in the hospital again but im not going to do that.. heheheh til next time.. take care of you.

Aug 10th

Wow its been awhile, I really didnt want to be one of those people that used this site alot before surgery and use it less after surgery, It really helped me in ways I cant explain so I will try to do better from now on with updating for those of you that are following my story. Well I am finally doing alot better, I can eat almost anything but choose to stay away from carbs and sugar. I have lost 53lbs from my heightest weight and I feel like a whole new person already. I am able to do things that i wasnt able to do before and can even cross my legs again. I can shop without feeling like someone is stabbing me in the back. I have went through alot of changes with this surgery but I dont regret having surgery. I would go through it all over again in a heart beat. Be honest with your doctors. They cant help you if your lieing about what you are doing or not doing. This is alot harder than you think but its a process it will get easier.

About Me
raleigh, NC
Surgery Date
Feb 08, 2007
Member Since

Friends 39

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